Special Military Operation, by Putin

“Good evening everyone, this is Marcie and Gina, coming to you with a very special story.”

“Really, Marcie? We are really doing this?”

“I know it is against the rules. Usually we are only featuring stories that the authors applied themselves. However, we will make a special exception. This particular author is literally worse then unkown.”

“Get out of here.”

“Yes indeed. We are reading Special Military Operation, by Putin”

“Are there any dickgirls in this?”

“No, but lots of manly men.”

“I hate this already.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Well, Marcie, this mission is special alright.”

Indeed.”

“SPECIALLY RETARDED!”

“Gina please, you had it with the first line.”

“Alright, so we made it to Chapter 20 of this absolute shitshow, which is as far as this has gone.”

“Why don't you tell us what has happened so far, Gina?”

“Basically there is this limp dick loser nerd called Putin, who decided to invade another country because his dick is too small or something. But because his army is absolute dogshit they haven't really accomplished much.”

“Indeed. This was supposed to be a three day invasion. Get into Kyiv, depose of the jewish nazi ruler, install a puppet government and be home by the end of February. That has not happened.”

“Instead we are now at day 20 and the only progress is the russian army getting their tanks stolen by tractors.”

“There are many reason for that. Low Morale, corruption, plain incompetence, heroic resistance on the side of Ukraine, but the most egregious one is logistic. This really makes my blood boil.”

“Oh no.”

“I can not stress this enough. You do not screw up logistics when it comes to war! Logistics wins wars! This utterly inept showing of the Russian armed forces beggars beliefs! That 40 mile convoy towards Kyiv was an insult to my intelligence! How incompetent can you get? Putin, you bloody imbecile! This is what caused Napoleon and Hitler to fail! This is your own countries history! Read a history book, you witless fool!”

“I mean, apparently he was lied to by his subordinates about the state of the army.”

“That makes him evil and a moron. Splendid.”

“So uh...normally you would cut your losses at this point, right? Its not like these chumps can ever hope to hold the country. So, what the fuck is even the point of all this?”

“That is a very good question, Gina. Unfortunately, Putin seems unwilling to back down and has started shelling cities, resulting in mostly civilian casualties. They also don't let civilian leave to increase pressure.”

“The Russian army may be shit, but they are very good at committing war crimes, you gotta hand it to them.”

“The goal seems to be to create fear and cause the civilians to submit, but that is not what is happening. Instead this indiscriminate slaughter simply creates a tremendous amount of hatred. A leader must be feared but never be hated. Putin, you incompetent nincompoop, that is basic Machiavelli!”

“So, while this shit is going on the west isn't just twiddling its thumbs. They impose some sanctions and supply Ukraine with weapons. They could do more, but they won't because they scared Putin might cause nuclear Armageddon. Bunch of Pussies!”

“It is a valid concern, Gina.”

“No way, Marcie. That Putin fuck is a coward, I can tell. Have you seen how he talks to his lackeys? This is a guy who is deeply afraid.”

“I really want that table though.”

“Bottom Line is, if I was in charge of NATO I would tell that Putin fuck to just try and nuke us! See what happens!”

“Well, lucky for all of us, you are not in charge.”

“Meanwhile this other guy Zelen something. The dude in charge of Ukraine is fucking staying in the capital like a boss.”

“It is very inspiring. Of course this goes for all of Ukrainians armed forces and the international volunteers. What they are doing is unbelievably heroic.”

“Wish he was female though. Guys just don't appeal to me.”

“Uh...yes.”

“But have you seen that Russian news woman who crushed the broadcast! Holy fuck, that was hot!”

“That lady was detained and we don't know what has happened to her.”

“Fucking scum. Meanwhile that one old hag that was installed as a puppet mayor in one of the occupied towns isn't sexy at all. If you have to install someone as Mayor can't you at least get hot girls for the job?”

“Ignoring Gina's diatribe, the Russian population doesn't have it easy either. Almost all western companies have pulled out by now. Some do protest against the war, but the government cracks down on them mercilessly.”

“They need to get out all at once and kill that Kremlin Gremlin!”

“pfft...Gina don't make me laugh! This is a very serious topic!”

“Whatever. The Russians are dropping like flies and have lost a fuckton of commanders. So now they are going to recruit mercenaries from all over the world to do the fighting for them. Wow, that's pathetic. I rather kill myself then asking others for help.”

“While for the most part this isn't an issue. The fact that China is supportive of the idea to supply Russia is concerning. What is Xi thinking, supporting this doomed endeavor? He should urge Putin to withdraw before matters are too late!”

“Eh, that's this Poo motherfucker right? He doesn't look like the sharpest tool in the shed.”

“On the bright side. The army of Belarus is openly refusing orders to advance into Ukraine.”

“Oh yeah! Have you seen that Lukashenko dumbass! What a fucking tool! Bwahahahaha!”

“Well, I am happy that you find some mirth in all of this.”

“I mean all of Putin's top lackeys look like they where dropped on the head as a child. Like that one space fuck who wants to have that space thingy come crash down to earth. Or the other fuck, who denies that there is an actual war in the Ukraine.”

“If it wasn't so tragic, it would be quite comical.”

“But that Putin guy is downright diabolical evil. Might actually be the worst main character we had so far.”

“He is up there, but I still think the Protagonist from Bringer of Light is more evil.”

“Maybe, so yeah, that's about where everything stands. Anything you have to add, Marcie?”

“Indeed. This ill fated campaign has knitted the west more tightly together then ever. Countries like Finland and Sweden, who used to be neutral are now willing to join NATO. Meanwhile the Russian army is a laughingstock and the country very close to economic collapse. Putin has caused exactly what he wanted to avoid and his legacy will be that of a moronic warmonger who brought the downfall of the Russian federation.”

“And I bet he has a small dick!”

“With that we conclude this review. We may do a follow up once this story is finished.”

“Hopefully it ends with a bullet in that bloated fuck's face.”

“Well today is the ides of march after all. So, perhaps someone in the Kremlin has a penchant for history.”

“Fuck Putin!”

“Slava Ukraine!”