Something’s definitely up.

They were at it again. Alex looked up from his half-eaten Subway sandwich and caught his four best friends whom he had known since high school, staring at him.

Jake, Trevor, Zeke, and Pete quickly looked away.

“So, Alex, um…” Zeke mumbled, “What’s new with you?”

“Same old,” Alex replied.

“Cool, cool…” Pete said.

“Okay…” Alex said with a sigh. “You guys have been weird as fuck for weeks. What the hell is going on?”

Alex’s four white friends exchanged embarrassed glances.

Jake cleared his throat. “Are you… um… seeing anyone?” He asked.

“What the fuck?” Alex replied.

“N-no homo!” Jake said defensively.

“Riggghhht…” Alex said, “I get around fine, thank you very much. More than ever, actually. It’s like all the girls prefer asian takeout all of a sudden, if you know what I mean. Hahahaha.”

The boys all chuckled in a self-deprecative manner in reply.

“Society’s changing bro,” Trevor said, “Everyone wants to be on the right side of history!”

“Yeah, it took a while for us to come to terms with our inner prejudices and undue privilege, but we couldn’t be more happier now that the world is changing to be a better place,” Jake said.

Alex sighed. “You guys are so full of shit. Ever since the girls made you take those social justice classes in freshmen year, you’ve all been talking weird.”

“You should totally pick up a few of those classes bro! They really open up your mind,” Pete said.

“Yeah, no thanks,” Alex replied, rolling his eyes.

“Dude,” Zeke said to Pete, “Those classes aren’t for people like Alex. They are busy enough taking all the advance math and science classes.”

“W-wha?” Alex said, blinking in disbelief, “What do you mean people like me?”

“Yeah dude!” Jake added, glaring at Pete. “Asian people possesses superior IQ and are destined to become America’s technological and intellectual elite. They don’t have time to waste on classes meant to check our privilege.”

“Bruh whaaat…” Alex said.

“I-I’m soooo sorry!” Pete said, looking like he was on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry Alex, I didn’t mean anything by it!”

“You guys are freaking me out. Is this a joke?” Alex asked.

“Don’t mind Pete,” Trevor replied, “It’s obvious he has some **** inherent racism within him that he has to work on. Hey, back on topic, have you heard of this new dating and hookup app called Utopia? You should totally check it out.”

“Uhhhhh… yeah sure. Whatever,” Alex replied.

“I’ll send you an invitation link right away,” Trevor said somewhat excitedly. He immediately took out his phone and started tapping on it.

Alex’s phone chimed in his pocket, signaling a new email in his inbox. Alex was about to resume his meal when he noticed the four boys gazing at him in anticipation. Sighing, he pulled out his phone, opened the email and accepted the invitation which immediately sent him to the app store to download the Utopia app.

Alex glanced up reluctantly at his friends who continued to look at him with strange pleading eyes. Sighing, Alex relented and downloaded the app. “There! I downloaded the app. You happy?”

“Okay, yeah, cool!” Trevor said, “Text us your user handle once you sign up. Utopia has an built-in social network, so we’ll add you.”

“Okay… sure. What’s this like a wingman system?”

“Haha, something like that,” Trevor replied, “Anyyyywayyy, look at the time, we gotta get going. We’re due for Sociology 273: Appreciation of Asian contributions in America.”

“Right…” Alex said, “I have one more class, and then I’m free for the day. You guys want to catch a movie after?”

“Sorry,” Jake said as he and the boys got up from the cafeteria table, “After 273, we have Psychology 292: Superiority of the asian mindset.”

What the actual fuck… Alex thought to himself. “A-are you guys pulling my leg?”

“Last class of the day is Anthropology 222: The utter perfection of Asian civilizations throughout history and how western civilizations are just the worst,” Zeke said, “That one’s my favourite!”

“See ya Alex! Break a leg at that Advanced Differential Equations class, or whatever, haha. I’m too dumb to even remember the name, jeez,” Pete said.

Alex watched on, dumbfounded as his white friends trooped off to their next class. “But I’m a History major…” he mumbled to himself after a while.