Slow Changes (Chloe PoV)

Was something supposed to change? It felt like something should have changed. Things did change, but not like how I was expecting. It had been a few weeks since we agreed to date, and… nothing changed? It did. I was dating Alexis now, or at least, I thought I was?

The first week was a bit awkward, but the routine started again. Jake and I would spend time when we could at school. If I didn’t have a client, we hung out in the library and did schoolwork or talked. After school, I’d usually come back to his place where Alexis would hang out. We’d talk, play video games, watch TV…

Hardly what I considered dating. This was the exact same thing we had before! Well, not exactly the same. It had a few generous portions of awkwardness and uncertainty when it came to interacting with Alexis. I had no idea how things were supposed to work, and it was clear I was not the only one.

Twice, I had sex with Jake, and while fantastic, I couldn’t help but feel guilty as I enjoyed the euphoric afterglow. Alexis and I hadn’t moved the needle at all, and her and Jake had a lot of distance to cover. I knew we all agreed to take our time and figure things out as we went, but we weren’t even putting the relationship in gear, let alone moving.

My thoughts were interrupted when my straw caught air. Blinking, I looked down at my milkshake, finding it mostly empty. I frowned. Could have sworn I had at least half of it left. My eyes immediately shifted to my next target. Jake had over half his left. Surely he wouldn’t mind—

It slid away as he pulled it towards him. Damnit! He could at least let me try to steal it. Not a mind reader my ass! I was about to comment when I paused. Closing my eyes, I thought angry thoughts, yet I tried to maintain the feeling of playfulness. It was a struggle, and I had no idea if it was working or not, but I wanted to try anyway. Exhausted and feeling a bit embarrassed, I opened my eyes to see him with a slight tilt to his head, eyes searching the area around me.

“Huh.”

“Did it work?” I asked.

“It was certainly unique.” That… didn’t help at all. Was it a good unique? I was about to ask when he beat me to it. “Were you trying to express a playful anger?”

I smiled. It worked! A surge of happiness hit me. “Yeah!”

He smiled and I felt that little flutter in my chest. Damn, he looked so good when he did that.

“Imagine you are enjoying a nice, soothing symphony and someone in the audience stands up and starts belting out off-key lyrics to it.”

My smile winked out, yet his didn’t. “Thank you, Chloe. You are the first person to ever try that.”

There it was, that feeling again. The grin felt like the most natural thing in the world on my lips, my hands running over the smooth surface of the table as I reached for my True Love. “Such ingenuity deserves to be rewar—” Once more, the shake was out of reach. How quickly the grin turns to a pout as my love was stolen from me. “Cheapskate.”

He stares at me with that intense gaze, purposefully taking a long drag of his shake. “Okay, now you are just being an asshole.” That annoyance quickly flipped on its head when he winced, pulling away and holding a hand to his temple. “Ha! Serves you right.”

It took him a moment to recover, setting his glass down. I wasted no time swiping it from him, claiming my well-deserved prize in his moment of weakness. The perfect way to wash down a milkshake: another milkshake!

“Want to talk about it?”

I blinked, pulling away from the straw. No wonder he brought me here. It was true I’d been in a bit of a funk lately, but was it really a mystery? Jake and me, me and Alexis. I was the one holding things together right now… not that there was a whole lot to hold together. Maybe that’s why things weren’t progressing? I needed to do something. Even now, Jake was prioritizing me. He saw I was stressing out and brought me here knowing it would cheer me up. But what of Alexis? She felt more closed off than ever, purposefully keeping her Gift pulled back beyond the few brushes I got when she let her guard down. Was she regretting trying this already? Maybe I needed to—

“Chloe.”

I slumped back. “It doesn’t really feel like we are dating.” I didn’t have to clarify what I meant there. Jake and I continued on like normal, but that was the problem. Alexis was supposed to be a part of this too. But how did she fit into this when I didn’t want to ruin what I already had?

“It’s only been a few weeks.”

“And nothing’s happened,” I said as my fingers clasped the cold of the glass. “It feels like nothings changed, even though everything has.”

“Go on a date.” I looked up, nerves flaring. Why was I so nervous about that? His gaze drifted away from me, looking at my noise.

“Stop,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat as I sucked at the milkshake. The rich flavor and coolness gave me something else to focus on.

His eyes were back on me. “Why are you nervous?”

I managed a weak smile. “Because I haven’t been on a date with her before? I’m still struggling with my attraction to her in the first place. I’m not attracted to women, at least, I don’t think so? Plus, I don’t even know what a date with her would be.” I pushed the mostly finished shake away, the chill lingering in my fingers. “Plus I feel bad. I thought this would be more… us.” I made a motion indicating the two of us in addition to an invisible third.

“That will come later.”

“Will it?” I shook my head. “I don’t even know how to feel about this anymore. There is a feeling of guilt now when it’s just the two of us. Like we are excluding her.”

His hand was warm as he took it, chasing the lingering chill from my fingers. “Which is why it is important for you to go on a date with her.”

I found myself pressing my lips tightly together. “Why not the three of us? We seemed to do fine last time.”

Jake seemed to consider it for a moment. “I think it would be best for you two to develop your relationship first.” That didn’t make much sense. Wouldn’t it be better for the three of us to gain experience being together? “Alexis isn’t the type to form a relationship, yet she desires to be with you. I am hoping by you developing a loving, intimate relationship, you expose her to the benefits of a loving partner. Then I might be able to build something with her as well.”

I slumped forward, resting my head on my arm. “I’m just worried she’ll want me to sleep with other guys.”

“I know.”

My heartbeat was in my ears, stomach twisting at the thought. Yet it wasn’t the idea of sleeping with another guy that worried me. “Never thought you would give on that,” I said just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the others in the diner.

“I don’t want to **** Alexis to be someone she’s not. Instead, I want her to choose us.” His other hand cupped mine between his hands as he rubbed it gently. “But she can’t see that from where she is right now.”

I lifted my head to look at him. “You are letting us play a dangerous game.”

He lowered his eyes slightly as he nodded. “Yes. It isn’t a guarantee that she will see that and all we could be doing is feeding her lifestyle. But… that is also her choice to make. If she wants to continue how she is, then she will have to continue down that path alone.”

“Not what I’m talking about.”

“What do you mean?”

“What if I change? You don’t understand what it’s like to be connected to her. It’s fine when I’m getting glimpses of her thoughts, but when she puts some power behind it? It’s hard to determine who is thinking what. It leaves an impact, impossible not to, and is why I’m nervous about all this. I’m not worried about sleeping with other guys, Jake. I’m worried that I’ll end up liking it. Not necessarily being with other guys, but sharing the experience with her. Because she likes it, that enjoyment is shared between the two of us.” He always had a near perfect poker face, but I could tell that impacted him. His hands had tightened against mine, no longer rubbing against it. “You never considered that, did you?”

He blinked a few times before answering. “No.”

That left a silence that I could feel. Stress and anxiety all rushed back, my only lifeline being the touch of his warm hands. I looked at him, trying to search for answers in the blank expression he always had. “Are we making a mistake?”

In the moment, I hated myself. Why couldn’t I just be happy with Jake? I was happy with Jake. Yet Alexis…

It hurt knowing I was the cause of all this. Falling for Alexis, pushing Jake to accept her—

“I don’t know.” That wasn’t what I wanted to hear! I wanted him to tell me everything would work out. That this was the right thing to do, and it was only a matter of time before we found our groove and things clicked. “But I trust you. Maybe you do end up enjoying your time out with Alexis, but I know that isn’t something you want long-term. That alone is why I am comfortable with giving you two freedom to explore.” His hand patted mine. “I am confident that no matter what experiences you have, you will always choose us and what we have in the end.”

Ugh. This guy. He had no idea what a mess I was. How could he put so much faith in someone like me? Jake might have believed he was a malleable person, but he was my unmovable rock. The certainty he had when he spoke made me believe it as well because deep, deep down in my core, I knew he was right. I would choose him. Us.

And that included Alexis too.

I didn’t have to say anything more. Jake understood better than words could convey. We left, not saying anything as he took me home.

“Come up?” I asked as he pulled into a spot on the street. So many things were swirling around, but I only needed one thing right now: him.

The apartment was empty as I pulled Jake into my bedroom, lips crushed against his. Each kiss seemed to cleanse a little more of the emotional fatigue, leaving only warmth. I trembled at the first touch of his bare skin beneath my hand. This wasn’t just Jake. This was MY Jake. Everything of his was mine. These abs and lean muscle as I explored them, the warm breath that caressed the side of my cheek, the heated touch of his hands as they undid the buttons of my uniform. He was mine, just like I was his. Whatever happened with Alexis, or whatever the future would bring, that fact would never change. My love for Jake would weather any storm.

Those same hands slid up my back, making my shoulders tense. I pushed into him, chasing those sensations. Goosebumps formed as my bra felt looser. His hands held me, his palms applying pressure in gentle waves up to my shoulders and down my back. Little knots were coaxed away, leaving behind a malleable bliss. My mouth trailed across his chest, resting at a spot I could feel his heart. A steady pulse, calm and wonderful. Nothing like the own racing of my heart, pulsing rapidly with excitement and need. There was still the faint linger of disappointment that I didn’t excite him the same way, but I had since buried any doubt he didn’t want this in his own way. Yes, he didn’t express things the same way as a ‘normal’ person would, but there was no mistaking what was conveyed in his touch.

Jake was the only man who made me feel this way. The only one who could make me feel this way. His touch was unlike anyone else. His care. His love. My fingers trailed down his arm, waiting with anticipation of him touching me. Touch I craved with each part of my soul. Where would he begin? Lips. Neck. What of his hands? Palms over my sensitive nipples? Soft rubs up and down my spine? Gentle caress of my inner thighs? The anticipation was just as intense as the act. He knew that, though not through sexual desire of his own, reading me in a way only he could. This wasn’t about what we didn’t have in common, but how we meshed together with what we did.

Here and now underlined how much I had changed since Jake entered my life. Never before had I experienced touch that brought such comfort and warmth. It brought a stark realization of just how hollow it was with others. Oh, the pleasure was certainly there, but empty and devoid of what I needed. The afterglow brought by my Gift felt so artificial now unless the moment was shared with him. This was what I wanted Alexis to see and experience: the fulfillment that came not from sex, but the experience of intimacy with mutual love.

Her words still echoed in my mind.

‘You enjoy it, I know you do. You enjoy having sex and never really cared about who you were with. I thought we were the same.’

Maybe in the past when I was chasing the high of my Gift or using it as an escape from the life I had fallen into. The rush of seeing men from rich and powerful families lower themselves to my level, begging for more, and to come back again and again. Not to mention the validation it brought. It was toxic, and so was I. It hurt knowing a part of myself was still in that muck. I did enjoy the sex, or at least the release it brought. It made me worry that I was only lying to myself and Jake. Getting licensed was a convenient excuse to carry on the way I had been while pretending to be a different person.

Was Alexis right? Was I making a mistake, trying to keep one foot in two lives? I was greedy, never satisfied with the great thing I had. I wanted more, even to the point of risking what I did have. The guilt flared up again, knowing I was taking advantage of Jake. Never stopped, really. No ‘normal’ guy would ever tolerate me and the things I did, yet he had been nothing but supportive of me, even going to the **** of accepting another person into our relationship just to make me happy.

Questions continued as Jake began his foreplay in earnest. No one could calm me down and relax me in the same way he did. That’s what made sex with him so great, the fact he focused on my emotional needs and not the physical pleasure. The pleasure was always there, but his foreplay never seemed to target that. He always knew exactly where to touch me to calm my mind, and his ministrations were gentle and loving. Soft and pleasant. The feeling of his lips against my skin in the faintest kisses, of his hands exploring every inch of my body in his own way.

I longed to let go and fully immerse myself in the moment, yet my mind refused to release the thoughts. A new form of guilt had formed. Here I was, enjoying this moment with Jake while Alexis—What would sex with Alexis even be like?

A new, darker thought sent a spike of adrenaline and fear through me.

Did I even want her that way?

“Chloe.” I looked down to find his passive face gazing up at me. I blinked a few times, not even realizing how far he’d moved down. His face gave nothing away, yet I knew what he was chastising me for.

“Sorry,” I murmured, exhaling slowly as my head sank back against the bed. I stared up at the ceiling, trying to steady my thoughts, willing the noise in my mind to quiet down. There would be time to worry about everything later, but right now, I needed to be present. I couldn’t let the weight of outside emotions seep in and taint the purity of this moment. A great deal of my enjoyment came from the physical, and the emotions they brought, but for him? His enjoyment came from my emotional noise, and I wanted to give him that. I closed my eyes, breathing slower as I took my mind away from the whirlwind. My world shrank until the only thing left in the moment was Jake. All he was, all he did, all he made me feel.

My Gift flared as his lips touched my sex. The trickle of euphoria fell away as pleasure pulsed through me. My fingers automatically laced through his hair, giving me a weak anchor as he knowingly found his rhythm. Each movement of his tongue sent a ripple of pleasure through my body. Steady, persistent, Jake showed his uncanny ability to read exactly what I wanted. Vocal as I was, my attention was inward. While I had no doubt he enjoyed the moans and little noises I made, it was the feelings he cared about. Eyes still closed, I focused on the emotions of the moment. Letting go of any lingering negativity, I embraced the feelings of happiness and love. I honed in on those feelings, embracing them, making them the focus rather than the pleasure I felt.

My eyes opened when the pleasure suddenly stopped. Blinking, I found Jake moving to hover over me. “So noisy.”

His face was inches from mind. While we weren’t touching, I could feel the weight of his presence over me. It lacked the oppressive weight other men radiated when in a similar position. I was unable to stop the heat from rising in my cheeks. His voice had taken on a husky tone, dropping the usual monotone I was used to. A simple change, yet it felt like my heart was on fire. My reaction was immediate. Desire flared within me, stronger than anything I had felt in quite a while.

A small, involuntary smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I looked up at him. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” The world had grown warm as he leaned in, his lips meeting mine for a slow, tender kiss. It lacked the desire that burned within me, but carried something more important: the love that fueled the desire. His fingers trailed over my stomach and down between my thighs. There was nothing playful in his touch, his fingers lazily tracing circles across the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. Goosebumps chased his movements as I swallowed hard, hips rocking gently in encouragement. He wouldn’t give into my obvious desires that quickly, content to let me stew in my arousal as he took his sweet time.

Ugh. Damn his lack of natural arousal! Waiting him out was impossible. Well, two could play that game...

My hands found what they were looking for. By now, I was no longer bothered by finding him without an erection. He still desired me in his own way, and he’d shown himself to be more than capable of being hard when the time called for it. I enjoyed the feeling of him in my hands, caressing and teasing, working my way towards a familiar hardness. He didn’t let my touch distract him. His fingers pressed between my parted legs as my eyes shut tight, breath coming out a little sharper.

Fortunately for me, it seemed Jake wasn’t in the mood to tease me all night. His weight left me as he reached over to the condom he’d placed on the bed. The sight caused a smattering of thoughts through my mind and he stopped. The subtle tilt of his head and the slight arch of his brow sent a rush of heat flooding into my cheeks. Fuck... Hiding things from him was still impossible.

“Maybe... not?” My heart raced, words barely formed as I tried to vocalize a few different questions at once. Breathing seemed hard as embarrassment sent a wave of heat that radiated off of my entire body. Jake didn’t say anything, his focus on me never waning.

I don’t know why I had latched onto the fleeting thought. With everything that had been happening lately, the sudden desire to feel him without the layer between us had caught me off guard. We always used protection, and I had never questioned it before, but...

“I...” The words wouldn’t come to mind. My thoughts were a jumbled mess. If I tried to voice what I wanted, I worried it wouldn’t translate properly. In the grand scheme of things, it was a small thing. To my feelings in the moment, it was the most important thing in the world. The longer the silence stretched, the more clarity I had on the feelings swirling inside me. It was dumb and illogical, but I needed this. Another evolution in our relationship, an added level of intimacy to show him what he meant to me. That I trusted him. Accepted him.

And, in a creeping unease, that he accepted me.

It was stupid. So fucking stupid. I knew better, of course. Yet I couldn’t shake it. I wanted Jake, completely and fully, to the point where we didn’t hide any aspect of ourselves. No barriers, not anymore.

The moment he returned to me, silently accepting my request... I don’t know how to explain it. The explosion of emotion within me... I wasn’t crying. No, why was I crying? Jake’s face was blurry as I nervously chuckled, wiping at my eyes.

I didn’t realize I wanted this quite so much...

What waited for me when I cleared my vision almost brought another round of tears. Jake was smiling. I knew it was ‘fake,’ but he had promised to always be himself around me. The fact he was bothering showed purpose. Intent. He was smiling for me, and only me.

I wanted to say the sex was amazing. Something earth shattering and awe-inspiring that perfected the moment we’d built together. The truth was, normal sex was garbage, and I hated that I hated it. Not that I didn’t enjoy it—I absolutely, a thousand percent loved the emotional and mental intimacy that was not possible with my Gift.

Yet...

As Alexis so eloquently put it, my Gift ruined sex. It was made worse when I felt it all. Each loving, tender thrust caused my Gift to flare, only for the bit of euphoria to drain away. Feeling that drop of euphoria, then having the feeling of it stolen from you? It wasn’t the best. Which sucked, because I wanted to love this both emotionally and physically. So fucking unfair!

But this was for Jake. Us. I accepted the discomfort of my Gift draining from me. The way the pleasure seemed muted as my body struggled to reconcile the pleasure of the physical without the benefits of my Gift to amplify it. All that was inconsequential, because this wasn’t just physical. Jake was with me, connected in the most intimate way two people could be.

The peak insult—and I hated that I was even thinking it—was that there was no orgasm waiting for me at the end. Wasn’t even close. I couldn’t even fathom women who did this regularly. No wonder they always got upset when the guy they were with finished too quickly. It was absolutely unfair!

There were positives though, and good ones too. Time stretched as I lost myself in the moment. I was there, minute after minute in this shared experience with the man I loved. No losing myself in the euphoric high of my Gift where the entire experience was a mindless blur. Sure, the physical aspects weren’t anything special; just your regular run-of-the-mill, vanilla sex. But the emotional? It was the perfect mixture to create a raw, deep bond. With every movement of his body, I felt something different. Stronger. The moment was sweeter than any candy, a purer ecstasy than what I could conjure from my Gift, and more lasting than any afterglow. I knew it was only my emotions at play here, but that did not lessen the impact or change how I felt in the moment.

We were, for those long minutes, together.

Both of us were panting, Jake’s rhythm having finally grown quicker as the end approached. “Chloe.” I knew he was close. His face was in the crook of my neck, breaths coming out in warm puffs against my skin. I clung to him, legs tightening around his hips in a silent plea for him not to move away. My hands found his back, gripping him, trying to maintain the closeness and intimacy we had shared for this brief time. The emotions were almost overwhelming, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing his shoulder. I closed my eyes, focusing on what I was feeling as I tried to amplify them for his Gift.

The moment of his climax came without fanfare. There was a brief pause in his rhythm as his breath caught, then a few unsteady thrusts, a sharp exhale of warm breath on my skin, and the whisper of my name in the moment of his release. I clung to him, holding on to the last precious moments of our time before the inevitable separation that would follow.

He pulled away and our eyes met. I blinked a few times, taking in his expression. Every time we did this, it was... softer? Like looking through a foggy window, I could almost make out what was on the other side. Despite the intimate moment, my eyes narrowed, looking for the hint of what was coming. Maybe this time—

A yelp left me as I jerked to the side, my boyfriend promptly passing out atop me. I lay there, breathing hard as the lower half of me remained pinned. I pushed away some hair that clung to my face, letting out a long breath. Ah, the romance of lovemaking. A snort, then laughter followed as I lost myself in the ridiculousness of the moment. Even after all this time, I still didn’t know why Jake passed out whenever we did this, and he didn’t seem to care. Concerning as it was, he always downplayed it when I pushed him on it.

Still smiling, I reached out to run my hand through his hair, enjoying the feel of his body over mine. It was a closeness that made me feel safe. Loved. This wasn’t the mind-blowing sex my Gift offered, and usually took out my boyfriend in the process, but it was perfect in its own way.