What the Heart Desires

Anxiety and uncertainty ate up more of their Noise as we stepped inside. Chloe was a bundle of nerves as I set the bags down and excused herself as she headed for the bathroom, leaving Alexis and I alone in the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and grabbed a soda, offering Alexis one. “Doing okay?”

Her smile didn’t match her Noise. “I feel like I’m interviewing for a dream job and all I can do is keep telling myself not to blow this. It’s not helping.”

“I had fun,” I said, opening the can.

Some of her regular confidence returned as her smile took on a familiar form. “Never expected you of all people to make a move.”

“Chloe said something that made me realize the only way I am going to get what I want is to actively peruse them.”

“Oh? So I take it you want me?” she asked with that familiar tease I was used to getting when I was alone with her.

“Yes.” That sent unbalanced ripples through her Noise as she was unable to hold the teasing smirk she’d had. “Though I will be honest and say that I am not sure what relationship I wish to have with you. You are an attractive woman, but that is not a primary motivator like many others. I enjoy being around you, but we have been friends for some time now so that is to be expected. Your Noise is familiar and brings some comfort, but it isn’t the intensity I get from being around Chloe. This isn’t to say you cannot become someone like Chloe in my life, only that I never considered that as a possibility until now.” I took a drink, giving her time to absorb that.

“That’s... fair. I—”

“We should wait for Chloe before we get into all this.”

“R-right.”

We didn’t have to wait long. Chloe eyed us suspiciously as she returned to the kitchen. “What’d I miss?” she asked as she helped herself to her own soda.

“Discussing how much we enjoyed the date today.” This was going to be difficult with their Noise both shouting for my attention. By focusing on one, I missed important clues from the other. Trying to read them both resulted in missing everything.

I expected us to have the conversation at the table, where we first attempted to communicate things. Chloe threw that out when she went straight for the couch. Alexis nervously trudged over to join her and I grabbed a chair from the table to sit across from them. The two nervously sipped at their drinks, and I didn’t need to read either of their Noise to know what they were feeling. It was a fortunate thing they had me to break the uneasy stalemate.

“I will start.” Both pairs of eyes locked on me as I set my drink on the coffee table. “First, we must promise to be honest with each other, even if you know it will be disliked. At the same time, that promise extends to being open-minded and to not judge each other for our desires. Disagreement is fine, but we must trust each other to be open with what we truly want.”

“Promise,” they both answered as I looked to each one. I nodded.

“As you know, my feelings on this are rather malleable. You are both important people in my life, but right now, Chloe is special to me.” I tried ignoring the lovely blossoming of emotions coming from my girlfriend and focus instead on seeing how Alexis reacted, only I couldn’t. Chloe’s Noise was too overwhelming. Instead, I looked at Alexis instead of her Noise. “I don’t know if we can have something on the same level as that, but I am willing to try if that is something you are interested in.” I let that sink in as I looked between the two. “Let’s start simple for right now. Do you want to try this or not?”

“Of course!” Chloe said, answering without any hesitation. “Today was so much fun, and I know it was a bit awkward, but it felt... right. I want this.” I expected that answer from her. In a way, she was the linchpin of this, giving and receiving affection from all parties of the relationship. Unfortunately for her, it was Alexis and I who were the wild cards. Either one of us would be happy with Chloe, it was our relationship dynamics that were in question.

We both looked at Alexis, who fidgeted under our combined gaze. “I do. Of course I do. But...” Her eyes naturally went to Chloe, lingering there.

“This is the time to be honest. Lying here or omitting through silence will only lead to problems later.”

She shot me a look. “Easy for you to say. You don’t have to wrestle with all the feelings this brings. Fear of rejection, of fucking this up, or ruining the relationship of the two of the only real friends I have.”

“Yes, but I understand what you are feeling. Both of you. Just because I can’t feel them the same as you doesn’t mean I’m not affected by them. It’s just different.”

Leaning back on the couch, she took a breath. “I love Chloe,” she said. Chloe’s reaction wasn’t as strong, allowing me to keep focus on Alexis. The determined spike in her Noise matched the declaration. “I want to be with you. Everything with you is just natural. I connect with you in a way I can’t express and I don’t want to lose that.” Her breath was shaky as she looked at me. “In a way, I want to be with you too, but I know it’s not the same, and you know that. I’m scared that Jake will be just another guy, you know? Sure, I’m attracted to him now, but in a month? A year? Will I still feel that attraction, or will I get bored and want to move on.” Her gaze fell. “I don’t know. I haven’t had any luck on going deeper than, ‘friend I like to fuck.’”

Chloe was about to say something, but I needed to make my thoughts known. “I can’t accept that.” Both girls were surprised. I was firm in my decision and set my expression accordingly. “This needs to be an equally shared relationship. It doesn’t need to happen right away, but I expect it to be something close to the end result. This will not be a case of us sharing Chloe.

“I understand that there will be different dynamics. You and Chloe will have something different than Chloe and myself, and you and I will have something different too. Us together means we all have to be connected, or it won’t work for me.”

Alexis was nervous, fear and other negative emotions poisoning her Noise. Chloe stepped in, looking at me. “Friendship is—”

“Not good enough,” I said as I cut her off. “This is a relationship and needs to be treated as such.” I tried to soften my voice to remove the hard edge it usually had. “I’m not saying it has to be at the level of Chloe and I, but there needs to be more than sexual desire and friendship. If I am going to be with you Alexis, you need to be with me as well. To me, that means being able to take solace and peace in your Noise, and that won’t happen if we remain as simple friends. This isn’t something you will be able to fake either. I will see and feel it in your Noise.”

“Okay,” she said softly, sinking back into the couch. “But I’m afraid I don’t know how to have anything deeper. I’ve never been able to. All those guys... it wasn’t like that. I just wanted to sleep with them. The closest thing I’ve ever had to a long-term boyfriend is Ezra, and I think that was just because I knew he had Victoria and would never want that with me.”

Chloe reached over, resting a hand on her leg. “We’ll figure it out,” she said with a smile. “Like Jake said, we don’t have to have it all figured out right away. We can just work our way to it. It took me a while to fully open up to Jake too, right?” She looked over at me to back her up. I nodded, but was studying Alexis’ Noise. She had her fears, doubts, and anxiety about it, but there was also determination, hope, and happiness. I had no idea if this would all work out or not, but seeing her desire to try made me willing to give her that chance.

“So we are in agreement that we all want to give this a try.” Both women nodded, Chloe’s smile a radiant one that went well with the comforting vibes her Noise was putting out. Even Alexis managed to smile, some of her darker emotions fading. “I guess we get to the hard part.”

Chloe’s smile faded a bit as she looked at me. “Hard part? That wasn’t the hard part?”

I had my phone out, scrolling through the notes I had. “I have a few points we need to go over—”

“You have notes?”

I glanced up. “You don’t?”

Her mouth worked silently for a moment, a blush forming. “I just thought we would all agree and... that was that? What else do we need to talk about?”

My eyes went down to my phone. “Jealousy, how we will divide time and attention, intimacy and sex—two separate things,” I said, making eye contact with Alexis. “Communication, power dynamics, future plans, conflict resolutions, emotional labor, outside relationships—”

I was interrupted by Chloe laughing. It wasn’t the chuckles or giggling kind either, but a solid belly-laugh that had her nearly doubled over. It was infectious, hitting Alexis nearly the same. While I didn’t join in, I felt the power of their shared amusement and let my mind relax as I enjoyed the flow of their Noise.

“Sorry! Sorry, I know this is a serious thing but, did you just do a ‘how to form a polygamous relationship?’ search and write down the results?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but stopped myself, realizing this was a perfect opportunity to join in on their humor. The silence lingered for an appropriate amount of time to suggest I was lying. “No,” I said, dragging it out. It got the effect I wanted, sending both laughing again. I doubted things were that funny, and the humor of the situation was primarily caused by an overwhelming tension being released. That didn’t mean it wasn’t real or enjoyable. Most importantly, it reset the mood by clearing out a lot of the uncertainty and anxiety they were feeling.

There was an excitement in the air as we worked through the list I had made. The fear of rejection and failure was gone as we focused on the joy of a new beginning. We discussed jealousy. As expected, Alexis and I were fine, but I did prod Chloe into admitting that she did feel some jealousy when I was with Alexis. She promised it was just the initial adjustment and that it would pass, but agreed we would all talk about it if I saw it get more pronounced.

How we would divide our attention took a half hour all on its own. Chloe spoke as if we would be doing everything together from now on, which caused a lot of unrest in Alexis’ Noise. I was the one who took the hit on that one by breaking the news to her, Alexis quickly joining in to back me up. Doing things together was going to be common, but we had to acknowledge that there were times where we would pair off. I saw Alexis’ Noise when I looked at her, the unspoken understanding being I expected us to have dates with the two of us. She gave me a brave face, nodding that she understood. I hoped in the future, she would look forward to them rather than accept it as necessary.

This of course led to the topic of sex. Once more, poor Chloe’s fantasy of endless threesomes was crushed by reality. It made me appreciate Chloe all the more. In her mind, of course we would all be together. That is what you do with people you love and care for. But I knew there would be times when Alexis wanted Chloe to herself, and the same went for me. We both decided to ignore the looming problem of Alexis and I together, but it was something we had agreed to work towards, so there was no use stressing about it. For now, we decided that sex was free to be in the moment or by need. I wasn’t sure how things would work out in practice, as I didn’t exactly ‘need’ sex the same way Alexis and Chloe did. Yet I was sure Chloe would make sure I was properly included in things. She had shown time and time again to have an understanding of me, even when I wasn’t the best at communicating them.

Intimacy was different and something I was firm about. It was important to me to have those moments where I could be with Chloe and enjoy both her company and lose myself in her Noise. This would eventually extend to Alexis too as we built our relationship together. Date night would be a perfect time for this, whether it was just two of us or all three. Alexis was uncomfortable, but nodded along, determination bolstering her Noise against the fear and uncertainty.

Power dynamics were something we already touched on. Chloe was naturally falling into the role of making sure everything was equitable. It wasn’t her responsibility alone, but she would be a good guide for us at the beginning as we worked things out and found our footing. Chloe made it clear she didn’t want to be the glue to hold us three together, but acknowledged that she would play the role for the time being. I was rather proud that she recognized that potential pitfall, and it comforted me to know there would be a second pair of eyes keeping an eye on that aspect of the relationship.

Emotional labor was another concern of mine. Alexis and Chloe had a natural connection with each other I couldn’t begin to touch. Chloe though, she got me. I wasn’t concerned that Alexis would dominate Chloe’s emotional support, and my Gift would help both women. The concern I had was, of course, Alexis. I might not have offered the same level of emotional support Chloe did, but I wanted to be there for her. With Chloe there, I was concerned she would always go to her rather than equally relying on me. There wasn’t anything I could do with that but see how things between us developed.

Little by little, we worked our way down the list. Not everything could be figured out right away, but we at least made our thoughts known and an agreement to keep an eye on our feelings as things developed. The last one was the hardest.

“Outside relationships,” I said, putting it out there. To my surprise, Chloe’s anxiety was the biggest, surpassing even Alexis’.

“I guess I should start for this one,” Chloe said as she made herself small on the couch. She looked to me, then Alexis, then back to me, as if I were the one who would be most affected by this. She took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for our reactions. “I want to get licensed to sell my Gift.” There was only a second of silence before she broke, words tumbling from her in a rush. “I’ve been thinking about the future a lot and what I want to do. The more I talk with Alexis and Victoria about college, the more I realize that isn’t something that interests me. And what is the purpose of college? To get a high paying job? I already can make tons of money and it’s a lot less work—even if the work itself isn’t glamorous.” Her eyes darted between the two of us. “I know it’s a lot to ask considering what I do, and I know I’m doing it for selfish reasons, but I want this.”

Alexis was the first to speak. “You know I’m a hundred percent behind you on that. It has been discussed before, but if we are making selfish requests here, I want our relationship to be open, not to date, but for sex only.” She looked down at her lap, guilt filling her Noise. “I had sex with someone this week, but I had to be... sure.” Lifting her gaze, she settled on Chloe. “I know we talked about it, but I want it to be clear to everyone. I enjoy having sex, and I’m not all that picky about who I have it with. Now though, I want something more. I want Chloe, not just for myself, but enjoying the moment with me.” She brushed back her hair and looked at Chloe. “I totally get that is probably something you aren’t comfortable with, but I want to say it anyway. I want something like Victoria and I have. We have each other, but there are also times where we share a guy or two.” She looked to me. “If having this relationship means dropping that, I will, but this is about saying what we really want, and I do want that with you, Chloe. I don’t know how things will be in the future, but right now? This is who I am and what I want.”

Chloe looked to me, fear coloring her Noise. It was hard to tell if it was from her reaction to Alexis’ desires, or if she feared my reaction to it. I gave her nothing. This would be something she needed to decide on her own. I had my own thoughts on the subject. As always, it was the intent behind it all. Chloe selling her Gift was just that. Her getting licensed was no different than the relationship we had now. She had been sleeping with three men every week for the past few months. Before that, she had been sleeping with far more. If anything, I would be more comfortable if she were licensed. There were regulations and protections in place that would make what she did safer, not to mention legal. It was a known variable that had little impact on our current relationship.

What Alexis was asking was far more personal, and I was curious about her thoughts.

This had been something I had been thinking about quite extensively since I knew it would probably be the hardest thing for us to figure out. Intent mattered to me. It was the only thing that could explain why I felt nothing when Chloe slept with someone for her Gift but had a lingering discomfort with the idea of her sleeping with someone because she wanted to. Over the week, I had to expand on that line of thinking. How did I feel about Chloe and Alexis together? What if Chloe wanted to sleep with another guy not necessarily because she wanted to, but because Alexis wanted to? And what of Alexis? How did I feel about her and another guy?

Alexis and Chloe were fine, as Chloe’s Noise was so much more when they were together. I saw it as a benefit for both of us as we both gained something from it. I was willing to cede time with her if it meant she was healthier and happier. It shored up an issue our relationship would always have: a lack of emotional response. Plus, I would also gain time with Alexis if things worked out. I was optimistic the pros would vastly outweigh the cons.

The other two were murky, with no clear answer. If Chloe slept with another man, but her intention was making Alexis happy in the context of their relationship, did that cause the same unease I got when thinking about her seeking out another guy because she wanted to? What if it had the same boosting effect on their Noise, bringing a benefit to me as well? As for Alexis herself, it was difficult for me to pin down any ideas about her and other men. I’d listened to her with various partners countless times over the years we’d known each other, and never had any ill or negative thoughts about it. I didn’t see that changing, at least not in the near-term. As things progressed, I hoped that would change to be more like Chloe in that regard.

My conversation with Natalie earlier in the week hadn’t helped things. She was clearly uncomfortable interfering in things, but her love for her sister overruled her **** to stand on the sidelines. While her insights on Alexis’ mindset were more or less aligned with what I already knew, the older sister had provided me with a bit of extra context I hadn’t had before. Since deepening her friendship with Chloe, Alexis was changing. She still went out and partied, still had casual sex, but it was trending downward. Overall, she was still the same Alexis, but it was little things she’d noticed. Alexis seemed more motivated in her classes. She no longer disappeared for chunks of time whenever something went wrong or they got into an argument—which was far rarer these days. Alexis was finally letting others in, not just with Chloe, but Victoria as well. Conversations didn’t seem to revolve around parties, or sex, or other fleeting moments of passion. All subtle little things that built over time, but it was something that Natalie was looking for in her sister: the desire and willingness to grow.

I understood Natalie’s concern and why she brought it up. Alexis was in the position where we could probably mold her to fit into the box, so to speak, with enough pressure. Was that the best thing for her though? It was a quick and easy fix to things, but at the same time, we would be robbing her of her agency. Who did Alexis want to be? Right now, it was whatever person who fit into the slot Chloe and I were creating in our relationship. I could see it clearly in her Noise. The desire, hope, and need for acceptance of who she was, but the determination to burn and bury all of it if needed.

And what of Chloe in all this? Would I be robbing her of an important experience in her relationship with Alexis?

Alexis was right that I didn’t have to wrestle with the emotional impact of all this, but that didn’t change the discomfort of uncertainty in the moment. I didn’t have an answer, or at least one I would consider correct. Did I push Alexis into fitting into the mold I created? That hardly seemed fair, especially when Natalie was saying she was finally making progress on figuring herself out. As a friend, I wanted to support her in that.

Then what of me? Was it fair to me to bend here to make things work? I felt nothing at the thought, which was always the problem. My wants and desires from this relationship didn’t depend on normal things. For me, my partner was my anchor. My tether to a sense of self that normally drifted along aimlessly. Her Noise wasn’t just a shelter from the chaos and disorder of the world, but my home. A refuge I could relax and find solace in the gentle peace of the familiar. It made navigating the world less exhausting. It was why Chloe’s mental state was so important to me. I worked hard to make her happy and give her experiences that created positive emotions because she deserved it as well as for my own needs.

Sex, while enjoyable in the physical sense, didn’t motivate me; the expression of Chloe’s Noise when we had sex did. It was why, exhausting as it was, I looked forward to the intimate moments where I took all of her Gift, allowing me to bask in her unaltered Noise. To enjoy the wonderful purity of her emotions in our shared moment together. At the same time, I enjoyed watching her Gift take her away too, knowing I was helping her experience something she enjoyed even if it was a rather bland experience for me.

It was why I was comfortable with Chloe and Alexis together. Her Noise was so much more when they were together, and being there with her in that moment was everything I wanted. There were still things I needed to work on, like being more proactive in everything. It wasn’t enough to enjoy her Noise, but to cultivate it with my own hard work. I would not let Alexis be the sole driver of Chloe’s mental state. I also needed to be more clear on boundaries; not that I felt anything strong enough to warrant a boundary, but they needed to be in place if only to maintain the order and safety of our relationship.

This was proving to be far more challenging than I thought it would be. Even my thoughts were Chloe-centric, and I needed to start expanding that to include Alexis as well. It wasn’t enough to make Chloe happy anymore. If this new relationship was going to be successful, my thoughts needed to include both of them and work towards things that made both happy. It wasn’t just Alexis that needed to start building the bridge that would connect us, I needed to do my own share of the construction.

Which led me right back to the start: What would bring the most net good to our relationship?

Everything had become so complex, and I didn’t have the necessary experience or knowledge to navigate through it. What was the right move here? Continue pushing and **** things, or bend to let things develop naturally? There were pros and cons to each. Forcing things would put us in the ‘correct’ position from the start, but would it be strong enough to survive into the future or would it all be fragile and collapse under its own weight? Bending would allow flexibility to discover what worked best for us. There would be mishaps, but the foundation would be stronger in the end. At the same time, it had the potential to create bad habits that would be difficult or impossible to correct in the future.

I found the decision rather easy to make once distilled into two options. It may have seemed like one made in the moment, but I found it already aligned to many of the things I had been considering and worked to solve some of the issues we faced. Free of emotional obfuscation that inevitably came with such a monumental decision, it was rather easy to take a path of short-term discomfort if it meant securing long-term stability. There was an increased risk at the start, as the potential for missteps and mistakes were front loaded, but if we made it through the turbulent and chaotic beginning, I was confident the end result would be unshakable. I didn’t want things to fail, but I was of the mind it was best to fail early rather than later.

I quickly ran through the current major issues, molding them to my new framework as I sought to get an idea of our potential future.

Chloe’s decision to license her Gift was no different than what we had now, only extending it for a longer period. She had already proved she had the capability and mindset to responsibly separate and prioritize our relationship over her work, and it had not negatively affected our relationship so far. Alexis had no problem with it either, so I considered this something low priority and to keep a casual eye on in the future.

Alexis and my relationship would be a work in progress over time. The best way to approach this was meeting her as she was now, not who she was going to be. My presence in Chloe’s life and our relationship changed her, just as it had me. There was nothing to say this wouldn’t happen to her as well. Alexis was immature and impulsive, that was true, but her relationship with Chloe had given her a guiding light that was already showing she had the capacity to change with the right guidance. I too could be a part of her journey. I had no doubt she would fumble and make mistakes considering her current impulses and desires, but I was in a unique position where there was no emotional impact that could leave lasting damages. No feelings of betrayal, jealousy, or bitterness that would undermine a relationship. It didn’t mean there would be no consequences or that I would let things slide for the sake of keeping things together, but so long as she was earnestly trying and making improvements to make our relationship work, that would be enough.

Which led to the biggest issue we faced. That required a shift in perspective of sorts. It seemed like I kept approaching things from the perspective of fitting Alexis into our already existing relationship. That wasn’t going to work because this was an entirely new relationship and that mindset already set Alexis as an ‘outsider.’ So, I let go of the idea of the three of us together because we weren’t. That was the destination, not the reality. Instead, we were three separate relationships in close proximity and at different points.

Chloe and I were in a good place for the moment. Things would undoubtedly change in the future, but Chloe’s feelings only continued to mature, and my own thoughts for the relationship meant it was a stable, romantic relationship. We had a fair understanding of each other, and I was confident it could weather a good amount if needed. We enjoyed healthy amounts of companionship, intimacy, and provided a drive to be the best version of ourselves.

Chloe and Alexis were the next strongest. They might be riding an artificial high due to the honeymoon period, but they were on a clear trajectory from their friendship before. When together, it was clear from their Noise that things were deeper than mere friendship and trending towards a strengthening of romantic emotions. Left alone, I had no doubt the two would have an intimate and loving relationship—or at least their version of it. Alexis was the limiting factor, as it was unknown how intimate she would allow herself to be.

Last and weakest of them all was Alexis and myself. Years of friendship meant we weren’t starting from scratch, but we were now trying to build something atop it that the foundation hadn’t been built for. I wasn’t going to put it all on Alexis to make this work, but she had a major role to play. If she didn’t allow herself to be comfortable and intimate with me, her Noise would never become the bastion I needed it to be. My job there was to coax it out of her and give her a reason to want to get close.

In the context of the moment, we had a mature relationship, a developing one, and an immature relationship. Only when they were all brought up to that mature level would I consider us properly together. Not sure what mature would look like since they were all different relationships, but I had a feeling I would recognize it when they were.

As difficult as it might be, I had to let everything progress naturally from where things were, not where I wanted things to be. Chloe and I would need to adjust our relationship to make room for two new ones. For me, that meant giving them room to figure out their relationship. Alexis’ current needs and desires in a relationship wasn’t compatible with what I, and possibly Chloe, wanted. In any other situation, that would doom things right from the start, yet Natalie’s insights offered another path. Yes, Alexis wasn’t the settled relationship type and valued her sexual freedom, but perhaps that was because she never saw alternatives. Moving forward, it was Chloe and my job to show her how satisfying and enjoyable a committed relationship was. Maybe it would all work out as Natalie hoped, with Alexis finally finding people to settle with, allowing herself to grow and mature. Or, she would stay as she was, and all the rapidly moving parts would collide into a chaotic mess that would destroy all we were trying to build. In the end, it would be her decision though, and not others forcing it upon her. We were to be the spark that ignited her desire to change, not the **** that dictated it. **** change was rarely lasting and would poison the relationship before it began. I knew that Alexis was fundamentally a good person, and I wanted to be there for her just as Chloe was there for me. She just needed some time and space to grow.

Back in the moment, no one had said anything. There was fear radiating from the two, as if they instinctively felt that one wrong word here could send everything tumbling. What had once been two sources of dazzling Noise filled with excitement, had become dark and foreboding. Alexis seemed to be having it the worst, the regret clear in her Noise. A glance at the clock showed nearly ten minutes had passed, and it was clear the two had felt every second of it.

“I don’t mind.” Neither reacted right away, both turning to look at me. “If it is in the context of your relationship with Alexis, I don’t mind.” That brought a surge of hope and disbelief from Alexis, but Chloe’s gaze never left me. Suspicion spiked as she swung her feet out, smoothing out her long skirt as she sat on the edge of the couch to face me.

“Is that true?”

“If I had an issue with you sleeping with other men, we wouldn’t be dating.”

“We both know it’s because I am selling my Gift, and we make a distinction at that. This would be different.”

“I know.”

“You’re saying I can fuck other guys when I want to now?”

“No,” I said automatically with an odd swiftness. It was like I spoke the word before my mind processed the question.

“So, you do have a problem with it. Maybe not emotionally, but at some level, you don’t like it.”

Was that the case? It was hard to know. Once more, Chloe was showcasing her importance to me. For all the complications and challenges we’ve faced so far, she seemed to understand me on a level few did—not that there were many people who knew me as closely as she did. Maybe it wasn’t quite on the mark, but even coming within a general area of the truth was quite good considering the level of emotional feedback she got from me. She might have been projecting some of her thoughts onto me, but I had come to find comfort in the man she saw me as. Chloe may have created the archetype, but I was the one who made the choice to move towards becoming it. The positives that had come to my already existing relationships was more than enough evidence that it was the correct decision. She had yet to steer me wrong, so I would continue to put my trust in her.

Alexis was looking between us with increasing levels of anxiety. Part of me wished this was a private conversation, but we were at a point where that was no longer a luxury we had. “As I said, if it is in the context of your relationship with Alexis—”

“I don’t want to.” The Noise from Alexis darkened as Chloe continued to speak, physically withdrawing as she shrank into the couch. “I’ve thought about it over the week, and to be honest, I don’t really enjoy being with other guys. My Gift makes it easy to ignore, but on reflection, real reflection, there is always a discomfort there in the time between that. It has only become more pronounced since I started dating you. I love my Gift and what it does to me, but when it comes to sex, I only enjoy that with you. Both of you.” She let out a long breath, looking down. “I know this is hypocritical and contradictory considering what I’m asking by licensing my Gift, but I don’t expect to be doing it forever. I don’t want to either, but there are things I want to do, and this is the quickest way to making them happen. I want to help my mom out. Get a better place. Put a fair chunk away so that I, and by extension we, don’t have to be so concerned about money in the future.

“Yes, I could do all that with a normal job, but even if I only do a quarter of what I pull in now, that is better than most starting salaries and I do a hell of a lot less work for the pay. Plus, I can skip college entirely, start immediately, be my own boss, and set my own hours. Hell, I don’t even know if I’ll be successful or not, but I still want to try.”

Alexis was only confirming that my view of our current situation was correct. She could try convincing herself that she would mold herself to whatever we needed to her to be, but her Noise revealed all. The dark void of rejection had swallowed any light in her Noise. Chloe and Alexis had often joked about how my Gift was a cheat, a blessing that allowed me to navigate people with ease. Yet it was moments like this where it revealed its true nature: a curse. Chloe was oblivious to the damage her words had caused. Outwardly, Alexis showed mere disappointment and sadness, yet it was nothing compared to the sickness of her Noise. Thanks to our friendship, I was more comfortable with her Noise which meant all my usual defenses were useless. The despair she felt made me physically ill as her Noise drowned out even Chloe’s comforting presence.

“I’m sorry,” Chloe said as she turned her head to Alexis. “I know I’m an asshole since I’m asking for an exception, but I think it would be best if the three of us stayed exclusive.”

Alexis gave a rather convincing smile. “No worries. I knew it was a long shot anyways.”

“Alexis.” A blip of panic in the darkness.

“Don’t.”

“You cannot hide your feelings from me. Regardless of what we currently are, I would never allow my friend to linger in such an emotional state.”

Chloe gave her a shocked look while Alexis ran a hand over her face. “Fuck. You are going to hound me on this, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I’m just disappointed is all. No big deal.”

“Don’t insult my intelligence. I know this matters to you far more than you are saying.”

“It doesn’t matter. The decisions made and there’s no use dragging it out. I’ll be fine.”

Chloe interrupted. “Anyone going to bring me into this?”

My eyes never left Alexis as I answered. “Alexis is feeling extremely powerful feelings of despair set off by an initial flood of rejection.”

Her eyes were wide, spinning to face the increasingly panicked Alexis. “What?! Why?”

There was a fire in Alexis’ eyes as she glared at me. “He’s exaggerating.”

“Alexis.” I poured my training into the word, my normally neutral tone turned fire. Even Chloe had a shocked ripple flow through her Noise as both reacted to the shift in tone. “This is not the time. If you cannot be open here and now, in this space we created, then this will never work.” My eyes bored into hers. “Do not destroy your word. We all promised.”

I let her work through the emotions, weathering the nauseous feelings they brought. For a moment, I thought I would need to make a rush for the toilet. No, the sink was closer.

This was concerning. If Alexis’ Noise affected me this much when we were friends, what would happen if she was at the level I shared with Chloe? I was taking a risk considering Alexis’ past actions and personality, yet it was one I was willing to make—not because Chloe wanted us all to be together, but because I believed Alexis could be someone I wanted to be with in the same way Chloe was. She just needed to some assistance finding herself.

Alexis shank into herself, pulling her legs tight as she spoke, voice choked with emotion. She didn’t look at either of us, but her words were directed at Chloe. “You enjoy it, I know you do. I felt it, when we were connected. You enjoy having sex and never really cared about who you were with. I thought we were the same.” The last part came out as a mumble.

Her reaction to all this made me wonder if she believed Chloe would choose her lifestyle over mine. That made sense considering her current emotional state. Alexis’ lifestyle was too closely entwined with her self of sense—understandable considering how much of her current life revolved around it. Chloe rejecting that made her feel as though Chloe was rejecting her.

Chloe’s reaction was more embarrassment than anything, shooting a glance my way. I don’t know why she felt that way when she knew I didn’t get jealous. It was no secret she enjoyed her Gift, and sex was a part of that. Or was there some truth to Alexis’ words, and Chloe enjoyed the sex part too? That got dangerously close to a boundary line I had drawn for myself, but I would wait for Chloe’s response before considering it further.

“That… may have been true,” she said, her embarrassment continuing to grow. Resolve flooded her Noise, holding back the embarrassment. “But all that was before I started dating Jake. Sex became something more important than what it had been before.” She reached out, resting a hand on Alexis’ knee. “And I believe it will to you too.”

Alexis wiped at her eyes. “What if it isn’t?”

“It will.” There was no doubt in Chloe’s words or in her Noise. “Maybe not at first, but it definitely will. We already had a small look at what could be—even if we were all kinda tipsy at the time.”

I injected myself into the conversation, not wanting to sit on the sidelines. “We were a little more than tipsy.”

That got a snort out of Alexis. “You were most definitely drunk. Chloe and I were perfectly in control.”

“Absolutely,” Chloe confirmed with a smile.

Alexis’ Noise had calmed some, but she was still in an unpleasant state. At least I no longer felt physically sick, even if her Noise remained uncomfortable. I stood, drawing both their gazes as I moved to the couch. I got a squeak of surprise from Chloe as I plopped down between them. It was a tight fit, and both the girls were **** to adjust. It was a bit disorienting as I let myself feel their Noise. The soothing, loving comfort of Chloe that I’d grown to appreciate, and the anxious, chaotic mix that came from Alexis. Yet it was familiar enough that I could weather her emotional state, knowing we had pushed her way out of her comfort zone. Today, I leaned more into Chloe, letting her Noise take the biting edge of Alexis’, yet I didn’t fully close myself off from Alexis. Uncomfortable as it may be, I accepted it—accepted her. Today was a beginning, the foundation of… something. I couldn’t see what we were building, but I trusted them enough to know it would be worth building.

“We can figure it out later,” I said, wrapping an arm around Chloe, pulling her in. She was worried, but my touch seemed to have steadied her as she leaned into me. Soothing ripples of emotion eased the tension in my body. This would change things, but Chloe and I still had something strong, and I would be extra vigilant to protect it, even as we built something new.

“But—”

I cut her off gently. “This isn’t me rubber stamping it.” I looked over to Alexis, who was looking at us with a mix of emotions. Guilt, regret, some jealousy. It hurt knowing that she wasn’t in a good place and that I played a part in it, but this was something she wanted, and she was going to have to work to get it. We all were. “We’re all at different points in our lives. We’ve all had different experiences, different needs, and different desires. This… experimentation phase is about us figuring things out, and to properly do that, we need some freedom to explore new things.” I looked to Chloe as I continued. “This isn’t about replacing or diminishing what we have, but I think you and Alexis need time and space to figure things out for yourselves.

“This is new for all of us,” I said, addressing both women now. “I am committed to making this work—for all three of us. But we can’t do that without honesty and transparency. Alexis, I know you aren’t ready for the type of relationship Chloe and I have, but I need to know if you are at least open to it.” I continued before she could answer. “Take a moment to think about it. Really think on it. I want to know what you believe, not what you feel you need to say to appease me.”

She didn’t respond right away as I looked at her Noise. It seemed she was taking the question seriously. Good.

“Yes.” A firm resolve pushed back some of the distress in her Noise. “I can’t promise anything, but I am willing to try.” As if to prove it to herself as much as me, she scooted in, pulling my arm around her so she mirrored Chloe. There was some discomfort there, but I couldn’t tell if it was from the conversation or the position we were now in.

Things were still tense as we worked out some general ground rules and boundaries, but it we all agreed to just take things one step at a time. While I didn’t believe it would happen, I warned that I would be keeping a close eye on Chloe. I wouldn’t tolerate anything that had a negative impact on my relationship with her. I also made it quite clear that this was a temporary thing. Together, Chloe and I would prove to Alexis that she didn’t need anything beyond us. More than anything, I wanted her to choose us because she wanted to, not because we were forcing her. But that would only come in time, and we had plenty of it.

I was sure this approach would cause problems, but we needed this. Chloe and Alexis needed space to explore their relationship, Alexis needed time to mature and grow with this new relationship, and I needed to be better about communicating and pursuing what I wanted.

Conversation aside, we decided to unwind from the stressful experience with a movie. Alexis and Chloe agreed on a comedy. Their Noise shook free of the negative weight, blossoming into the joyful fun of the moment. Both women at my side, I felt myself open to a new normal. A desire of my own. I wanted this to work; not because it made Chloe feel better, or it gave Alexis what she wanted, but because of moments like this. Chloe’s Noise was the same comfort it always was, but Alexis’ Noise, free of the negativity, harmonized with it. This was different than what I’d experienced before, as I had always been off to the side, observing them in their shared joy. Today, I was a part of it; dual Noise clashing against each other in a relaxing way. A firm massage for a mind that rarely found peace.

The movie faded away as I closed my eyes, enjoying this new sensation. Alexis’s Noise was still rough, but the rhythmic sensations of their shared emotions offered me a taste of a future I wanted.

Content with the world, I drifted off.