Slipping through the cracks

“Woolshire!”

You make your way into the courtroom and walk up to the front. The judge, the Honorable Ulf Jensen, looks like he’s been sitting there since the courthouse was built in 1910. The court clerk looks like she might have joined the staff when it was expanded in 1921. She reads off the charges. Public Nuisance, unlicensed gambling, intent to defraud. The arresting officer is sitting in the courtroom looking incredibly confused.

“Officer Marburg? Would you care to describe to the court the events of November 29th?” The prosecutor has a Princeton haircut and a cheap off the rack suit. This is just a bench hearing so there haven’t been any opening arguments. A case like this isn’t going to ever go to trial anyway. It occurs to you that the St. Louis County’s DA should probably pay their people more. Poor fucker isn’t gonna know what hit him.

Marburg, a slightly overweight angry wall of meat with an Old Number One haircut, still looks pretty confused. From the way he carries himself, this is not an unusual state of mind for him. “Um...” Genius repartee... “I don’t recall.”

“Your Honor, this whole mess has been nothing but a waste of taxpayer money and your time. I was minding my own business, resting on a bench in a public park while taking a nice walk, when this gorilla rousted me, shoved a deck of cards in my hand, and and cuffed me before unceremoniously dragging me to the station, frisking me in a manner that was only barely not sexual ****, and shoving me into a holding cell, from which I was only just barely bailed out of in time to see my mother’s last breaths on her deathbed. I would like to ask for a total dismissal of charges, and I’m considering filing a civil suit against the city for police brutality.”

“Case dismissed without prejudice.”

You’re walking out of the courtroom and can overhear the prosecutor berating the poor cop who’s career you just destroyed.

“You idiot! Have you been drinking?”

It occurs to you, not for the first time, that you’ve basically become a supervillain. Maybe it’s time to fix that. With a firm resolve to do better (again) you stroll leisurely through the beaux-arts doorway of the courthouse and call Chrissy for a ride.