She Was Going To Make Me Dirty

That future is not mine, but it could be. It could be and it could be good but it would never be enough and if I'm not careful, it's all I would ever have. And I know that, but when you're tangled up in the naked body of the one woman you held a torch for practically your whole goddamn life it's hard to keep that kind of perspective.

All I can think about is how warm she is and how warm she makes me feel.

It takes a while for us to come to ourselves again. Her because she's lingering in her pleasure and me because I can't get enough of the touch of her body. I'm buzzing off the high of making her feel good when she stands me up and kisses me with a smile that's almost shy and then we tumble under the fall of the water again, a tinkle of giggles and caresses as we find the soap and lather each other up.

Our giggle fit keeps up as we wrap up in the shower and stumble out, drying each other off and gathering each other up and then she kicks me out of the bathroom for a bit of privacy for herself and I press myself back against the wall on the other side of the hall from the door, closing my eyes and breathing slowly and just trying to calm my rapid pulse.

I can't stop thinking of her and it's only by degrees that I even realize that I haven't cum yet myself. That once more I've been denied.

That I still have that need within me.

My teeth bite my bottom lip and I let out a shaky breath and I hold fast for an instant, clutching my towel a little tighter to myself as I squeeze my thighs together. Now the pounding of my heart and the pulsing in my belly are running a riot that I cannot control and I am aching for something that I truly need, some kind of satisfaction to scratch this itch that is starting to burn out of control.

My thighs start to squeeze rhythmically and my hands press against my body, pushing at me through the towel. I'm not masturbating quite yet but god it's close and I know that I must be making quite the sight, if only she was there to witness it.

Rachel deserved to be selfish in the shower. She'd been so damn good to me today that she deserved a bit of time for herself and I was more than willing to give it to her, in no small way because I knew that when she walked out and found me like this she would be ready to make things right. Rachel wouldn't leave me wanting, she would leave me aching and spasming just like I'd left her.

And the only thing too bad about that was that I'd already taken a shower, because god she was going to make me so very dirty.

My mind is a fantasy run away with itself and I'm filling in blanks that don't even need to be filled in and I'm wishing for things that I couldn't possibly get for her and my cock, I want my cock back but maybe I want it on her or maybe I just want a cock.

I could've had a cock tonight.

I could've had one last night as well.

Two nights in a row that I'd been denied and last night wasn't my fault but this night was and I couldn't shake the feeling that it was the right choice both times, even if the right thing didn't feel so right to me right now. Even if I wanted so badly to just have something plunge inside of me because that ache and that itch was so deep and I was pretty sure cock was the only thing that could hit that spot just right.

And maybe a part of me wished that Lucas had made that choice for me, that he hadn't pulled away. Because it wouldn't have been romantic but it would at least have been final. It would have been him.

And it would have been good.

And I know it.

And he knows it too.

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