She's really not that bad

"First off, let me be clear. This is an interview. You have not been hired yet. That will depend upon your performance here and now."

You're fine with that. One of the few things known about Vespa is her preference for getting down to business. She is the mysterious CEO of the company, and its private owner. A rarity in today's corporate landscape, Vespa is sole owner: no boards to bow to, no shareholders. Only Vespa.

"You may have heard my company described as being involved in health and fitness or even beauty and cosmetics. The truth is that our flagship product involves of all of these things. It is a revolutionary compound, which greatly augments the physical and mental health of the individual when introduced to the body. A true wonder ****. There are some legal hurdles, however. For one, the compound contains active ingredients which are not technically known to exist. For another, it is highly addictive."

You assure her that these are not insurmountable problems. Trade secrets could conceal a large portion of the manufacturing process, and addictive medications can slip past the FDA if they're suitably packaged and marketed. The sultry smile that spreads across her face tells you that your answer pleases her. Her next revelation is bigger still.

"One of the perks of working here is free access to the medication. I myself have benefited from it quite considerably."

She gets up from behind her desk and you see exactly what she means. Vespa is astonishingly tall, easily 6'6", maybe even 7" or more - all you know is that she towers over you. It's difficult to place her ethnicity - her features remind you of every race, and none. She radiates power and femininity. A woman unto herself, her hair drapes back over her ears and offsets her firm B-cup breasts. You blink. No, she has shoulder-length hair and her breasts are easily C's at least. Wait... Are you seeing things? It's difficult to focus on her. She struts around her desk and leans against the hardwood desk, hip cocked and one leg crossed over the other.

"It does, however, have certain features that some may consider to be 'bugs'. It massively increases your libido. To accommodate this, we've made it office policy to allow sex in the workplace."

You can't believe your ears.

"Is that a joke? What about the massive exposure to sexual harrassment lawsuits?!"

"Mr Parsons, we are very insistent on enthusiastic consent. I can assure you that no unwanted sex ever takes place between anyone who is a part of this company."

No wonder they need legal help, you think. They're high on their own supply.

"You'll understand soon enough," she says.

Her voice has taken on a gravelly texture. It was hard to concentrate on her looks before but now they're shifting before your very eyes. She sticks her tongue out, but it keeps extending past any reasonable limit. Then it splits at the end and tastes the air. Her hair rises up from her head, then slides back down off of horns; fearsome pointed things that burrow out from her scalp. Her eyes shimmer and after a single blink they've changed. You weren't sure what colour they were before - but now they're blood red and her pupils have narrowed into dark slits. Are you seeing things? What's with this hallucination? Wait a minute... That video you watched when you came here. That strange smell in the air.

"Have I been ****?"

"No, no. Nothing so manipulative. Some of our critics have called our PR videos 'subliminal messages,' and our proprietary perfume 'mind control gas.' Honestly, the things that mudslingers will make up astounds me at times. That reminds me. I'll also need your help dealing some of our more ardent critics. They call themselves 'demon hunters,' which I suppose they are. But they do not fight for the common good. They **** and steal. They sow discord where we restore order. I will require your help dealing with their extra-legal activities. Some of our operations may need to be hidden from the law as it exists. Because, you see, I am a demon. So is everyone who works for my company. That is not to say I don't hire humans such as yourself. A sizeable part of our workforce in this dimension was human once."

"Huh," you say. You must still be asleep. This is some sort of lucid dream before the day of your big interview actually arrives.

"That is not all, mortal! We refuse to be limited by the laws of man any longer. Once we have grown sufficiently mighty, we shall seize power. First we will control the state, then the country, and then..."

She jumps onto her desk and raises a fist to the ceiling.

"The world!"

"And then?" You ask.

Her triumphant fistpump falters.

"Uh... What do you mean?"

"Well, once you've taken over the world, what are you going to do with it?"

"Rule it."

"And...?"

"Transform humanity into a new form of demon, make Earth a new interdimensional home for demonkind, build bridges, schools, roads, that sort of thing."

She resumes her impassioned monologue.

"Too long have we watched from the darkness. Humans are destroying this world with chaos and greed. Pollution, weakness, infighting. They need us. Under the Demon Queen all shall kneel and know true happiness!"

"Yeah, sure."

"What?"

You've concluded that you're either dreaming or you've died and gone to a very bizarre heaven. Either way, you toss all cares aside.

"That sounds like a good idea, Vespa. New world order. Rights of the individual balanced with the good of society. A progressive sexual liberation. Top stuff. I don't know exactly how demonic systems of government work but if you're the immortal, good-natured, all-powerful Demon Queen of hell, it simplifies things quite a bit."

"Wh... Wha... Normally mortals run screaming the moment they see my horns... I've laid out my plan for world domination and you're fine with it?"

You shrug.

"They seem like good plans," you say matter-of-factly.

"Maybe you don't realise what I am."

Suddenly the walls of the room explode out into the distance. The light vanishes with them. Soon all you can see is yourself, and your chair. Darkness overtakes all else. Even Vespa is gone. Then you hear a rumbling. A deep primordial murmur. From underneath, out of the dark, you see things rise up. You don't know how to describe it. They're like swaying columns, _darker yet darker _than the void that surrounds you. The rumbling changes, and you realise it isn't a noise at all. It's a voice.

"Know me as I am, fleshling."

"Oh, okay. Tentacle monster from the abyss. I get it."

Instantly the room reverts to the way it was - female Vespa and all.

"You are the strangest human I have ever met."

"I'm a lawyer, ma'am."

She laughs.

"I like you, Dale. You're hired. That is, as long as you take this..."

She pushes a small jar on the desk towards you. It contains some sort of black goo.

"We're still working on a more innocuous delivery system. This is the raw product. All new hires are required to take the medication. To be clear: this is a non-negotiable condition of your employment."