She's not the problem here!

And just like that, you’ve had enough of keeping Justin’s secret. ‘Yeah, well,’ you say heavily, ‘your guy is. Sorry. Don’t know if you knew or not, but… you’re the reason I met her in the first place.’

Emma squints at you. ‘Say again?’

‘She ran out,’ you say, just wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. ‘I mean, she walked in on you. The two of you. In her hotel room. That’s why she called a cab to come pick her up in the first place. He was her boyfriend, and he cheated on her. With you.’

Emma looks stunned.

‘Shit,’ she says, eventually. ‘Oh, motherfucking shitcakes. Are you serious?’

You nod unhappily.

‘I can’t fucking believe it!’ Now Emma looks really pissed off, clenching her wine glass hard enough that you can hear it creak. ‘Oh my God! I cheated on Emma Watson? I’m the bitch who cheated on Emma Watson? And I didn’t even know it?’

‘Didn’t you see her?’ you ask, confused. Emma Stone shakes her head hard.

‘No! Oh, shit… no, wait, hold on. I was on top, I had my back to the door – sorry, bad mental image, I know.’ She winces, pressing a hand to her forehead. ‘And it opened, just for a second, but he swore it was housekeeping. Motherfucker. I should’ve known…’

Emma looks so pissed off, not to mention so embarrassed, that you can’t help believing her.

‘I swear, I don’t usually get off with guys on the first night,’ she mutters, digging around in her handbag. ‘I was just – well, I was fucking drunk, and he’s obscenely hot, and I had no idea he was with someone else…’

‘For what it’s worth,’ you offer, ‘I believe you.’

Emma looks sadly up at you. ‘Thanks, babe. Fucking shit, though…’

Then her eyes widen. ‘Oh my God! This must be ten times worse for you! Are you seriously telling me she waltzed off with him tonight – after he did that to her?’

You shrug uncomfortably. ‘Well, it wasn’t exactly a waltz.’ Emma cocks one sharp eyebrow at you. ‘More like a ****… well. He said he wanted five minutes. To say goodbye.’

Emma snorts loudly. ‘Yeah, well, he’s not getting five fucking seconds to say goodbye to me. I’m done. Wanna bounce?’