Setsuka (Futa), in a real D&D game

“Oi, Setsu, you alive over there?” A husky but affable female voice to my right asked, jumpstarting me into consciousness. Setsu? That wasn’t my name. It did feel pretty familiar, though.

A sublimely elegant voice spoke next, “Seems like she had a little too much of the elven wine.” They must have been talking about someone else, I definitely wasn’t a “she”, last I checked. Which happened to be… well… when exactly was that again? Trying to remember the last thing that happened to me was like trying to peer through a foggy window. Also, did she just say, “elven” wine? Elves weren’t real. Some kind of roleplay?

“Pff, lightweight,” a dark, yet feminine voice added. She sounded kinda cute.

The jumbled feeling in my brain was beginning to fade. My cheek was wet, and I had a splitting headache. None of these voices were familiar to me, and they came over a dull roar of voices making merry conversations and laughter. As I exhaled, I caught a whiff of my own breath. Oh, I’d been drinking alright, and definitely wine. Maybe they were talking about me. But what was the deal with the name and the pronouns? I did feel a little different, but not in any way I could truly describe. Certain parts of my body felt larger or smaller, in general I felt lighter.

My eyes tried to open and ultimately failed. I attempted to ask who Setsu was, but only managed garbled nonsense in a voice that was much higher pitched than I would have expected. A vision suddenly came to my mind without warning or warrant. Weirdly, it was the image of a character sheet for Dungeons and Dragons, the top of the page read, “Setsuka Yasuhiko”. I recognized the name, it was a name I made up, after all. Further examination of the sheet in my mind, a sheet that was far more vivid than my thoughts generally were, told me this indeed was my favorite D&D rogue I had ever made. Apparently, this sheet had her listed as level five.

I was so out of sorts that the insanity of a literal D&D character sheet manifesting in my mind didn’t occur to me for far longer than it should have. With some effort, I managed to pry open my eyes and look around. What I saw made me blink, then blink again. I had to be dreaming, that was the only explanation. There was no other reason I should be seeing a medieval tavern full of not just humans, but dwarves, elves, and halflings too. There weren’t as many of these as there were humans, but the fact of their existence alone was shocking. I was seated at a round wooden table along with four other people, an elven woman, a human woman with red eyes, a half-elf girl, and an honest-to-God deep periwinkle-colored tiefling, horns, tail, and all. The features that gave away their races didn’t look like costumes, unless some Hollywood movie-grade people were involved with it, and even then, some stuff just couldn’t be faked.

Another very solid piece of evidence for me being in some dream was that these fantasy races all seemed to look exactly like how I would have pictured them to look. Frankly the only good reason I could see to indicate that I wasn’t in a dream was the fact that all of this was so perfectly vivid. My dreams never got this vivid, even if I had always wanted them to.

“She’s out of it, all right.” The half-elf sighed; she sounded a bit like a girl trying to do a tough-guy tomboy voice.

I glanced down at my body, the curiosity about how different I felt getting the better of me, and some things were definitely odd. For one thing, I was definitely a woman now. There was a pair of breasts hanging off my chest, about medium-sized I guessed, contained in a skimpy red leather bustier held together with a single belt. My bottom half only seemed to have some black leather panties the straps of which rode very high on the hip. It was what I had always imagined Setsuka Yasuhiko to wear. In fact, a closer look at a bulge in those leather panties told me I also had something extra.

There was no way I wasn’t dreaming. I had never told anyone about the fact that Setsuka had a penis, then again, the configuration of genitals didn’t come up in D&D games that often, at least not in the games I usually played.

“You look pale, are you okay, Setsuka?” the elegant voice asked, which I now understood to belong to the elf sitting to my left. She was dressed in a comfortable-looking loose magenta dress with an almost criminally low-cut V-neckline, and with breasts as big as hers it was quite the display. She was otherwise very lithe and slender, pretty typical of what I would expect of an elf. The long, flowing golden lock, fair skin, and long pointed ears were another dead givaway. She was covered with ornate golden jewelry, including a necklace that immediately caught my attention, and not just because it was nestled comfortably in her cleavage.

The pendant was attached to a golden chain, the symbol engraved on the gold amulet threw me completely through a loop. It was a trio of rings all interlocked together. I knew that symbol. I made that symbol.

As I examined her, another character sheet emerged into my mind. This one had the character name “Tyvhoran Caerodell”. Was that her name? I looked at the descriptive entries next. Blonde hair, check; blue eyes, check; five foot ten inches tall, looked about right; elf, definitely. When I saw the class name, Peace Cleric with the associated deity of “Meliel(Melandra)” I knew that for sure this was the elf’s character sheet. The trio of rings symbol belonged to Melandra—or Meliel in the elven language—which was a deity that I invented.

So here I was, in a medieval tavern with fantasy races all around me, staring at an elf woman who worshipped a goddess I invented, while I seemed to have the body of a character I made for Dungeons and Dragons. This was absolutely batshit.

“Probably hung-over,” the husky affable voice, belonging to the periwinkle tiefling to my right, remarked.

She had long, straight silver hair adorning her head with one side shaved and the other swept over and cascading down to the middle of her back. Her eyes, the sclera of which were dark red while the irises almost seemed to glow a brighter shade of the same color, almost seemed to eat every feature of me alive as they swept across my body. A pair of segmented ashen horns extended from her forehead and continued for about a foot, sweeping back along the top of her head but eventually pointing upward at their tips. A spade-tipped tail was swishing back and forth lazily behind her chair. The tail’s tip, the very tips of her horns, as well as a number of sweeping curving tattoos at various parts of her body, all had a vibrant neon violet color.

She wore a devilishly sultry grin and not a whole lot else in general. Her arms and legs were covered in black leather straps and belts, and besides those she only wore what looked like a black leather slingshot bikini with crisscrossing string across the chest and belly which pulled her massive breasts together into a tight valley of cleavage. She clearly had the largest breasts at the table, beating the elf by at least one cup size.

Yet another character sheet burst into my mind, I didn’t spend as much time looking at this one, just the name “Menhet Omen”, the race “tiefling”, and the appearance details to confirm that it matched up with what I was seeing, and it did.

“Well, the idiot just downed almost a whole bottle of that wine,” the tomboyish voice added, and I turned to its source next to the tiefling, one of the two sitting directly across from me. The half-elf girl was short, the shortest at the table, probably only five feet if I had to guess, and had a messy mop of short black hair with a single large patch of white around her right temple. Her eyes were a piercing frosty blue color. I could tell she was a half-elf because while her ears were pointed, they were much shorter than the elf. For a surprise, she was dressed modestly compared to the others, with a simple white tunic and elbow-length black gloves. She had absolutely no breasts to speak of, at least not that were visibly obvious as the tunic was a little large on her.

Her character sheet came to my mind and I read the name “Heian Firahel” who was indeed a half-elf. Then I noticed something that gave me a shock, Heian’s character sheet listed their gender as “Male” but in parentheses next to it was “(Femboi)”. Well, that did a lot to explain why I had mistaken him for a girl this whole time, it really was astounding, I had no idea just by looking at him. In fact, it seemed that the tomboyish voice I assumed he was putting on was actually just his natural voice.

“Whatever, I’ve already downed two bottles,” the dark but cute voice replied, the owner of whose character sheet identified her as “Syvana Grimmdark”. She was directly between the elf on my left and the half-elf and she was very beautiful in a dark and macabre way. She had shoulder-length black hair with white highlights toward the ends. Her cute but largely unimpressed face was decorated in thick black makeup and seemed to accentuate the unnatural red of her irises. Her full-pouty lips were likewise covered in black, glossy lipstick. She was wearing all black with a beaten and worn-out corset doing its damnedest to lift her hefty breasts, which were smaller than the elf’s but not by a whole lot. Frankly, everyone in the group was rocking pretty big melons, Heian aside.

“All the same, I think I ought to help her with that,” the elf, Tyvhoran if the character sheet was to be believed, said. I turned to her just in time for her hand to press itself against my chest. A weird tingling jolt was sent through my body then, not just because she was grabbing my breast directly and even giving it soft squeezes, but because there was actually a faint magical glow emanating from her hand.

In my head a message popped up stating, Tyvhoran casts Lesser Restoration as a 2nd level spell, using one of her spell slots.

Everything was boiling over the top now; I was starting to panic. It wasn’t just the weird D&D references, sheets and apparently spells; and it wasn’t just the blatant groping—because that actually felt kinda good. I was brought to the boiling point because it worked. Whatever this elf woman just did, it worked, I felt better. My headache was gone, and I was thinking more clearly.

The lucidity, however, was more of a curse than a blessing, as the surrealness of the situation came crashing into me like a wave. If not for the fact that pure panic had paralyzed my body, I would have yelled my thought, but because of my stunned state I yelled only in my own mind.

STOP! EVERYTHING NEEDS TO JUST STOP!