Seeing the Therapist Round 2

It'd been just under a week since your regrettable outburst with Stacy, the two of you had reconciled shortly after your almost manic shower - but the symptom that had caused the whole affair still lay dormant within you, just waiting to reel it's ugly head around the next time the both of you were intimate. That fear of what you might say or do the next time you had sex was so paralyzing that you had avoided the act at every proposition; for the first time since your relationship had started - you had gone more than a couple of days without being in each others pants.

Stacy had asked if there was anything she could do, asking if it was her fault which made you feel even worse. You had assured her that it was all in your head, that it was just something you had to work out. She had of course asked what the problem was, and you had almost answered her. But instead you claimed that you only felt comfortable talking about any of this with your therapist.

The truth was that you felt like if you had answered that you feared for your sexual compatibility with hers; then in some way you were saying that it was her fault as much as yours. And you didn't want to do that to her, it would be better figured out without her knowing, you concluded. A little white lie to spare her from having to deal with your problem in the first place, lord knows she's dealt with enough of your shit as it is.

Walking through those revolving doors you walked into that comforting air conditioned office once again, the incense wasn't burning this time but the room still held a lingering perfume that clung to the walls. The aroma was almost sensual; inviting you to relax and enjoy the tranquility of the moment.

Then, just as you were about to make towards the beaded door that lead into Hina's counseling room - a hulking figure parted said beads and emerged having to haunch under the short doorframe. In that moment your heart pounded and your mouth dried up as all you could do was stand frozen and stare as the dreaded Nova Pink breached out of nowhere to torment you once again. Straightening back up she smirked having now noticed you as well, like a cat that had caught the mouse.

"Hey, fancy meeting you here cracker." She said with an almost genuine glee, but you could see through her game.

"H-Hey Nova, how are you?" Your voice unfortunately cracked at the start there, trying to play it off cool still but you were certain Nova had caught the fearful tone in your voice. And that smile told you that she enjoyed what she could elicit out of you.

"Haven't seen you at the pool recently, are you still receiving therapy?" She asked that part with a condescending lift of her brow. Had she really just asked you that? She must know the reason you're here in the first place is because of her! The fucking bitch. Still, you held your tongue; you knew that she only wanted a reaction, so you were resolved in not giving her one.

"If they haven't discharged you after the first meeting; you must have told them something then?" She surmised, thinking back to your admission you had made about your size insecurity to Hina you couldn't help but look away a little in shame. Yet another problem Nova had caused in you.

"Don't you feel like less of a man for needing someone else's help to get by?" She asked mirthfully with her grin barely containing her derisive laugh that accompanied her words.

"Shut your mouth bitch!" You finally snapped, which she immediately responded to with yet another humiliating cackle. Realizing you'd given her exactly what she wanted anyway you cursed your own lack of self control. Normally you were so measured and calm, but whenever Nova Pink entered the stage you allowed her to run with your emotions and pull you here there and anywhere she desired. It was so frustrating, how did she have such control over you?

"Easy now white boi, I've been nice to your girl up until now; but say any more and I'll make you regret speaking to your betters in that tone of voice~" Betters? Who did this fucking CUNT think she was?! Still, the mention of your girlfriend's safety stemmed your rage. Easing up your posture, the combativeness faded from your form. "That's a good boy." Grinning wide with her victory, Nova passed you by, but not without saying one more thing before she exited through the revolving doors. "But maybe I won't forgive you, being called a bitch is pretty hurtful you know? Your girlfriend is gonna have to make it up to me now~ later Alex~" And with that she left with a mischievous wink, and a sinister glint in her eye that made your stomach drop.

Before you could really process anything that had just happened, you heard an opening of a door from behind you, and then out through the beaded doorway came your therapist, misses Hina Sato.

"Oh Mr. Alex, you come earlier than expected." She laughed a little nervously. "That's ok, please follow me and we begin the session ok?" Motioning for you to follow her, you did so in a daze as you pondered over the encounter. Seating yourself down in the same leather couch as before, you looked back up to Hina who sat in her seat also. It was then that you noticed that she had already had your file up, right at the bottom of the document from the looks of things. Hadn't Nova just been in here?

"Excuse me misses Sato, but what was Nova doing in here just a minute or so ago?" You asked her, your suspicions rising.

"That is patient confidentiality, what said in this room cannot be leaked outside the confine of our discussion. Why do you ask?" She flipped the question back to you, unconvinced you motioned to her screen.

"It's just you have my file open, and you know that Nova and I aren't exactly on good terms." You point out.

"Ahh your file, rest assured it was only open when she left the room. And as for your 'term', it appear only you feel that way - she only have good thing to say about you Alex."

"Wait, you were both talking about me?" You suddenly realized. Noticing she had made a mistake, she cleared her throat authoritatively.

"I had to take correlative statement on the incident, not just Nova but others too have been brought forward. Never mind that though Alex, all of that is unimportant - focus on yourself now. We can only move forward with your treatment if internalize. Nova is an externality that is clouding your real issue with sense of self worth, what is at fault is something within you Alex; not without." Sighing you relented, sure her reasoning was sound you couldn't deny that; maybe Nova really was a red herring? It wouldn't hurt to go along with what she was saying and seeing where it would lead. You were eager to return to swimming lessons anyway so you could be with Stacy, the more you appealed to Hina's strategy the faster you could be discharged after all. Seeing that you were now amenable to begin with your session, Hina leant back in her chair and went over some notes in her work pad.

"So last session we went over some insecurity that you had, and I think we came to a satisfactory conclusion. In summary; you acknowledged your shortcomings, but found comfort in seeing past that for your girlfriend sake. How do you feel that conclusion played out for you?" She asked, thinking back to the incident you had after your most recent intercourse with Stacy - you realized that in accepting your insecurity, it had only brought demons to the surface of your mind, but again you wanted to move past this; so you answered honestly.

"Actually, the last time me and Stacy had s-sex, I kind of had a manic attack." You admitted.

"Oh, that interesting." She dotted something down on the work pad. "And what do you think caused it?"

"I was angry with myself, b-because I always finish before she does. I guess I felt like I wasn't compatible with her, that I wasn't good enough." The more you spoke about this to her, the more comfortable you felt exploring the topic.

"This is good Alex, it's good to be honest about thing that weight you down. Ok so maybe you and her aren't compatible physically, does that mean though that you don't love each other?" Again, you capitulated to her reasoning.

"No it doesn't, but it still hurts my ego."

"You don't need to tie your ego to bedroom performance, relationship is more than sex. Do what you are good at but defer to others where you are lacking, that is a Japanese proverb my mother use to say." She said with a smile, thinking that sentence through a little you frowned at the meaning.

"Defer to others? In the bedroom you mean?" Your eyes opening in surprise when Hina nodded her head.

"You said you watch a lot of porn Alex, did you never see a cuckold fantasy video?" She leant forward ever so slightly, revealing her modest cleavage when asking. Sure you'd heard of it, it was kind of a popular insult right now.

"No, but I think I know what one is."

"A cuckold is a man or woman who share their significant other, as a therapist I often council people in your situation to seek extramarital relations or consenting affairs outside of the relationship." Hearing this was like being hit in the face with a heavy brick. You almost couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"But only if you talk about it first with your girlfriend, if your worries are valid then I would suggest letting her sleep with someone else and see how you both feel after - often time people with your disposition let say, they need to see in order to believe."

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" You ask her in a quiet rage, her clinical smile dropping the moment the words left your mouth. "You think letting my girlfriend cheat on me is going to make me into a less insecure person? What kind of quack did the university make me see? We're done here misses Sato, I quit this course or I'll have the university provide me with another therapist if need be." And with that you made to leave, but not before the 30 something Asian lady called out after you.

"You cannot get over a fear without first facing it, if you leave now you will never get better Alex." Not wanting to hear any more of her shit, you flung aside the beads and stormed out of her air conditioned office. Just who the fuck recommended cheating? Who did she think you were?! You had half a mind to go and take this to the Dean! You were so angry that you almost didn't notice your girlfriend Stacy walking down the street towards the town center, all on her own. Where could she be going at this hour in the morning? Surely she should be in class right now... Something didn't feel right. Should you go after her?