Schrödinger's Party

"Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls, or any combination thereof!" Ben shrieked from the scrying mirror , "The moment we've aaaaaaaaall been waiting for! Grand Vizier Zig-Zag versus... The Bully!"
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I came to the pub to laugh though, so that's what I did. I guess in these times it was too much to ask to get away from the Tournament, even for one moment.

"...Oi! I've no idea 'ow many times I've gotta tell ya, but I'll tell ya again!" The tall, tan blonde with torn jeans shorts and open jacket hanging loosely over shoulders pulled the piece of straw from between her teeth, "My name's Cornelia Ethel W Gaymond-Quoberrel IV! And I'll be addressed as such! Thank ya very much!"

"FIGHT!"

Shooting herself off like an arrow, Cordelia sprinted through the onslaught of energy blades he summoned. One by one they crashed into her, vanishing in a cloud of glitter upon collision. The Bull-Rushing Bully simply shrugged them off like nothing, as even the worst hits only managed to scratch her skin. Some of them even drew blood, yet they did nothing to slow her down.
If anything, the pain only excited her.

By the time it dawned on him that his rain of magic **** wasn't gonna work, it was far too late. She tackled him before he could dodge out of the way, dragging him to the ground with her full weight. There he ended up writhing haplessly under her until her thighs closed around his head. An aroused grin grew on her flushed face when beholding him thrashing and grunting, his head **** against her pelvis.
"Say uncle!" She chuckled, grinding her hips against him to punctuate what pleasure she took from dominating him, "Be a good boy now, and surrender!"
Slipping his hands between her slender yet curvy thighs, he exerted himself his attempt to pry apart her legs. They wouldn't budge. They were firmly closed around his long elegant neck like an iron ring. To her, his efforts amounted to little more than fondling her legs. This only excited her more, which in turn made her constrict her legs tighter around him.

"SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THAT BULLY!" I yelled with a chuckle over the obnoxiously loud techno music I danced to. "SHE'S REALLY GOING ALL IN FOR THAT SURRENDER VICTORY!"
"CAN YOU FRIGGIN' BLAME HER!?" Katey asked, shaking her rear as if she just don't care, "THAT ZIGZAG IS THE LATEST HOT CHEESE! EVERYONE AND THEIR MOM WANT THEIR GLUBBY HANDS ON HIM! AND I DON'T BLAME THEM! FRIGGIN' LOOK AT HIM! HE'S HOT AS ALL HECK!!"

The Ethel-Bethel's headscissors were not long-lasting. Forming into an amorphous mass of glowing mist, Zig-Zag slithered backwards and reformed behind her, leaving the poor girl at his feet. A sword of purple energy the size of a car formed above Bully, piercing through her enormous boobs shortly after. A single gasp escaped her lips. She was then left limp on the ground, staring up vacantly.

"The Bully has been defeated!" Ben shouted, "Grand-Vizier Zig-Zag is victorious!"
Too bad. Had Gaydar over there been in it to win it, maybe she would've managed to put up a bit more of a fight.
She still would've lost. Obviously. That guy's power-level is through the roof!
Just that all the ladies in the Tournament suddenly seemed unable to help themselves. If they had the slightest chance at claiming everyone's dream guy as their love ****, then you bet they're gonna take it. Costs be damned!
Maybe if they'd all stop getting themselves distracted by some nice piece of ass, they'd put on a better show. Instead of, oh I don't know, preoccupying themselves with keeping the boytoy ripe for bagging.

So do I regret rejuvenating that guy?
Of course not! Watching him struggling in a leglock was the hottest thing since Fire 2.0 ( patent pending ).
So I don't really regret my decision. But I will say that, at the moment, it really wasn't living up to its potential.

So, guess three times if Goldfish Knight ended up passing? And the first two don't count.
Yup! The Vasgar Princess heated his armor up red hot glowing. Trying to cook him alive.
That guy didn't even flinch though. Just approached her casually and knocking her over the head with a hammer fist. And that was that.

But you know what? All of that really should be left back at the Coliseum!
"BARKEEP!" I howled, raising my hand and jumping in place, "BARKEEP! WILL YOU CHANGE THE CHANNEL!?"
The bald barkeep, his muscles of sculpted bronze hanging off a spindly frame, just shrugged in response. Joining his palms together, he closed his eyes and breathed in slowly and loudly, his visible rib cage expanding out from his lithe build.
The blood-red gem painted at the center of his forehead glowed momentarily, and the large mirror hung in the top corner of the club switched from the match from the Tournament, to the Tournament again... To a children's show about ridiculously adorable mascots talking to each other in condescending voices. A pair of pears in pajamas taught a well-meaning but inconsiderate devil the importance of sharing.

Hey! Why not? Sometimes the simplest pleasures are the greatest ones. And you know what that show's got going for it? Not being the Tournament!
Not that I was paying attention. I was too busy boogying down on the crammed dance floor. But hey, at least that's something worth not paying attention to!
I wore a strapless dark-blue top and crimson latex miniskirt that hugged my godlike curves. Katey wore a hot-pink dress with exposed back hugging her petite form.
Like that we danced around like we just don't care. We talked about everything that makes sense, and everything that doesn't make sense. We flirted with guys ( and girls, in Katey's case ) that we would never meet again. We were exhausted. We were tired. We laughed like madwomen.
None of that mattered!

Finally we slipped on to a single barstool which we shared. We laughed, sweat dripping down our copious amounts of exposed skin, our breathlessness catching up to us once we've had a moment to settle down.
"...I don't friggin care." Katey said between bated breaths, "If that's not animal cruelty you can just go right ahead and fudge me."
"No, no!" I chuckled, "It's not a real kitten! It's just supposed to... You know, make you think about how certain concepts in quantum mechanics help us make sense of what's happening in scales so microscopic they can't be directly observed without interference... But which can't actually be used to describe the actual real world that you and I find ourselves in!"
Katey snorted, "So friggin' what? No kitties should be arbitrarily killed. Period. Real or imaginary! The guy who came up with that experiment must've had his head stuck so far up his axe..."
I shook my head smiling, "You're probably not wrong!"

If it was up to us we would've stayed packed together on that one barstool all night as an immutable amalgamation of feminine voluptuousness, each with a single cheek on the cushion. That seat however was reserved for the superior butt, and to my dismay that was decidedly Katey's. Wresting my hips off with hers as she slid herself to the dominant portion of the seat, I fell flat on my ass. I bounced back up in one breath, slipping on to the next seat as if suddenly moving quick as lightning would somehow attract less attention than squirming on the floor.
But hey, not like I wanted to relish in the embarrassment!

I flicked my hair off my face nonchalantly trying to look cool. Katey simply laughed.
"Flippin heck! This night's awesome! Seriously? You telling me that until now I never lived a fudging day in my life?" Katey raised a finger to order, but the barman already slid over a tall glass in which ice cubes bounced on the surface of a dark fluid.
I too raised my hand, but before I could utter a syllable he already sent me a colorful green liquid with an umbrella and a straw, "Better late than never, right? And hey! Not like this night's gotta end, right?"
Katey took a sip, then looked back to me, "What the fudge are you on about?"
"I mean, you're having fun right? So why put a stop to it? We can go all night like this! All day too! And every day! Let's never stop! Carpe diem! The world's our oyster! Life's too short to do anything but what you enjoy!"
Katey took a moment of silence looking me up and down suspiciously, "But... What about the Tournament?"
"You think I care a toss about what happens there? No! Fuck the Tornament!"
"What about you? I mean, frick, you got school back home, right? Or work or something?"
"Fuck school! Fuck work!"
Katey looked down at the frigid fumes rising from the foggy glass in her hand, then stared back at me, "Then what about Uni?"

...You know what? For a moment I was about to say the same thing about Uni. But I couldn't manage myself to. No way. Not her. I just looked back at Katey bewildered and dismayed, stirring the ice in my drink with the straw.
"...See?" Katey chuckled, "Don't give me that cheese. You really do care!"
"Yeah..." I sighed, "But... Caring's not gonna beat any Snake Ladies. It's not gonna keep you safe from her domination."
"My abs it will!" Katey shot me a determined peek, "Look... Sure, I don't have any frickin' armour... No, at least not any of iron that protects my body from sword-strikes. But you know what? That kind of armour won't do fudge against the hypnotic gaze of that Sneaky Snake! Cause that's not what you need against that kind of enemy! Cause the kind of armour you need for that... That's what I got..." I knew what she was gonna say. And it was cheesy as all hell. Still, I couldn't wait to hear her say it!

Katey tapped her chest with her thumb smirking, "...What I have is armour of faith... One that protects my heart from evil!"
...Goddamnit. Katey is so cool.
With a self-satisfied smirk, Katey took a sip and continued, "So let her try and make me submit all she friggin wants. I'm friggin' telling you, it's gonna be like trying to wring water from a brick! So now tell me, Allie... How the fudge is she gonna beat someone who doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'surrender'?"
I smiled, but answered back honestly, "She could always, you know, kill you off."
"My apse she will! That dumb domme doesn't have the snakes for it! You think she's gonna voluntarily toss away her chance at her hard-earned prize of conquest? Fat chance! Look, here's what's gonna happen: I'm gonna go out into the Arena tomorrow, and I'm gonna beat the everloving cheese outta that Sneaky Snake until she submits. Then she's gonna beg me to release Uni. And after that? I'm gonna be facing you! And I'm gonna serve your abs on a platter!" She pointed at me decidedly.
I smiled back at her, "Heh. I dunno. I think I'm gonna be able to put up a bit of a fight."
Katey shook her head, "Look... No offense here, Allie. I like you, and you're one heck of a person. But if I let myself lose to a coward like you then you can just go right ahead and fudge me!"

...That's when I realized we've got a **** shortage of people like Katey in this world.
I burst out laughing, "Oh, damnit Katey! I just can't with you. So, I normally wouldn't do this... But in your case..."
I pulled a metal cylinder the size of a jar of pickles out of my purse, placing it on the counter.
"Let's suppose I were to leave this here smoke grenade on the counter. Suppose I then had to go to the little girls' room for a moment. Suppose some considerate angel girl was to find it here, and pocket it so it wouldn't get into the wrong hands. So... Finders keepers, right? And who knows? Maybe, just maybe.... She manages to find a good use for it. Like, oh... Say, making a certain Snake Lady submit in the Tournament!"
Katey blinked, looking at the cylinder up and down, "What the fudge...? Smoke... Grenade...? Oh, I get it! If I jump out of the smoke and go 'boo!' she'd wizz her panties! And then she'd friggin' have to surrender! Right?"
"Yeah! Exactly!" I confirmed, "Or you could, you know, just toss it directly at her! That way she'd get herself a healthy dose of burning white phosphorus!"
I wonder if the healing magic of the arena clears white phosphorus from you body? Cause if it doesn't, next stop's gonna be amputation station.

Katey smirked, pushing the cylinder towards me, "Better you hold on to that, Allie. I'm not gonna need it. Tomorrow I'll end this cheese on my terms."
I slipped the cylinder back into my purse, "Katey, whatever happens out there... I'm glad to be your friend."
Katey chuckled, sipping from her drink, "I'm glad to be your friend too! But you know what? You can't spend your entire life like that friggin' cat: locked in a superposition of do and die. Take your darn shot!"
"Hah! So you did get it!" I took a sip from the straw, "But yeah, why wait for the output from the quantum computer of destiny? I'm my own qubit, goddamnit!"
I laughed. She laughed too. We both laughed throughout the night.
All of a sudden all my worries had lifted.

Except for one.
Katey is totally gonna turn everything into quatum-one thing-or-another for the next two months or so. Isn't she?