School Problems

Not only I had to deal with my own insecurities and self loathing when I was younger, and even now, but it all became so much worse when everything I loved about school turned into being pretty much tortured at a daily basis. I’m exaggerating a bit, but I did actually like going to school before, not because I wanted to study, but because I could meet so many people. I did end up making a lot of friends, but that was in middle school. I’ve only been talking about high school, and of course that’s a completely different experience.

Since my first year in high school, I was a bit of an outcast. I did make one or two friends, but everyone seemed so different to what I was used to. I didn’t try to socialize much, and the few people that I did hang out with, they were not the best of friends. They weren’t mean or anything, but they were kind of boring. I don’t know, I probably don’t have the right to be picky with my friends, but I always wished I had more fun people to be around. I did perform very well in terms of grades. I think I was top of the class, and I think even the teachers liked me a lot.

But after a quite rough year, which was mostly positive, it all went downhill after that. The next years, my insecurities took over me. I lost some friends, my grades went down, I didn’t even talk to people, I was feeling alone. It didn’t help that I was already going through some difficult times, but my mental health took a toll when all of a sudden, people started bullying me. _Well, it’s not like everyone bullied me, but the typical jocks and popular guys did, a lot_. They were only a few, but they did mess with me so much that I lost all hope of making friends.

My bullies humiliated me to the point that some people at school gathered around to watch me get beat. Nobody really wanted to help me, like they enjoyed seeing a couple of buff guys beat up one of their weak, innocent classmates. I still hold a lot of resentment for those moments. I still hate the people that didn’t want to help me, but of course I hate my bullies more than anything. While I didn’t have any confidence, I did try to stand up for myself. But after getting hit twice for it and being sent to the nurse’s room, I never really tried to defend myself again. It also taught me a lesson of not fighting back. That obviously isn’t a good lesson to live by, but there was nothing more I could do.

After that, I always try to avoid my bullies when I see them in the hallways. Luckily, it is very rare that I encounter them. But because they are everywhere in school, I can’t talk with my only friends in peace. I’m constantly on the lookout for them, so I can’t even stay in one place for too long. That probably is why I couldn’t meet many people at school as well. I think the popular students are always the ones that host all of the parties, and since I was never invited to them, I also missed my chance to talk to others. I just wanted to meet some friends, but even that wasn’t possible when my bullies tried to make me look like a pervert.

I don’t know what they said about me, but apparently everyone believed me. Everyone at school thought I was some kind of creep, even when nobody really knew me. They started ignoring me more than I was already being unnoticed. It was a huge rumor that spread around in sophomore year. But what made it worse is when a teacher believed it and called my parents. I ended up missing two weeks of school so everyone could forget about that rumor. In that time, I really tried to convince my parents to put me in another school, but they refused. They gave me the excuse that there are no other schools nearby, so I was **** to go to this one until I finished high school.

After those two weeks, I had just given up. My grades were starting to plummeted, and even when my teachers reached out for me, I didn’t accept their help and ended up failing a few classes. The rumor was still going around, no one had forgotten, even when they couldn’t remember me. But I think everyone just accepted the idea that I was a creep and moved on. They definitely didn’t care, but now they probably will never talk to me if they think that I’m actually a weirdo.

That year was definitely the worst, but it didn’t end there. I barely passed that year, but with a lot of mental problems, no friends, bad grades, and even more bullies, things were not looking up. And they actually didn’t change. The next year was the same crap, however, I started to adapt to it. I learned to live with it, and I actually tried to make some friends in different ways. It didn’t work, but at least I had a bit more confidence to try. Actually, I still don’t know how, but for some reason I did feel pretty confident during that time, at least confident enough to try to achieve something I’ve ever wanted, which is…