Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) read "Subjugation Tournament" by Gambio: The Reviewer Awakens

The tent shook. Rain hit the pink fabric walls like bullets. The howl of the wind through the trees was like some wounded god of nature. In their sleeping bag, the Sams inched closer.

"Holy shit, is that hail?" Sam (♀) said. "I hope the tent can hold."

"Let's just finish this review," Sam (♂) said. "So, Mari Beta has his new power-up, and is going up against the fastest galmon alive, or something like that."

"Not sure she's actually a galmon," Sam (♀) said. "But to continue..."

We where, quite literally, in for a stormy day.

"I swear we didn't plan this," Sam (♂) said. "Utter coincidence."

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right,

"That's almost the Konami Code," Sam (♀) observed. "But that was a pretty good fight. Although it does put us into a pickle."

“THAT FUCKING LIMP DICKED PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT!”

"So, it turns out this is a bad end, where Mari Beta submissively surrenders to Sylphid, who presumably dies or loses or something," Sam (♂) said. "End of review, right? Except that's, like two chapters. Kinda lame."

"So," Sam (♀) said with a sigh. "We're going back to the last branching point. And will continue from there to complete the review. Which might not get us to the true ending, but closer to it. Maybe. Hopefully."

A cum battle?

"So instead of trying to fight Sylphid, Mari Beta agrees to first-to-cum loses," Sam (♂) said. "Which is the kind of game typically reserved for drunk frat boys pretending they aren't gay."

“Juuuust to make sure you wouldn’t do something cute, like ignore our house rules and try to kill me mid match. Not that I think you would be dumb enough to try that.”

"I can never tell if Gambio sets up Mari Beta to be not-quite-as-bright as he thinks he is, or for everyone else to just be smarter than him, or for the universe in general to contort to make navigate him toward the most humiliating choice," Sam (♀) mused. "No, in hindsight, it's that last one."

"We should add," Sam (♂) added, "that for all we sometimes bitch about Gambio's lack of detail on sexy scenes and emphasis on kinks that they don't want to actually explore, that Gambio is very clearly writing the stories they want to write, telling the stories they want to tell the way they want to tell them. So these aren't failures in storytelling as much as differences in taste. It's important to review the story you are reading, not the story you want to read. So yes, Mari Beta sort of tripping upwards and being very much out of his depth is exactly as Gambio wants it to go, and that's fine."

“Oh, and this is totally not investment advice, but if somebody would buy some slave tournament shares tonight I wager that somebody would make quite a tidy profit. That certain someone just needs to make sure he doesn’t get caught for insider trading.” Ben winked at me

"Don't take investment advice from the dude that dressed you like a pretty princess," Sam (♀) said.

Cum-battle Practice round: Amber princess Mari vs Speed Demon Sylphid

"Structurally, not a bad idea," Sam (♂) noted. "The tournament structure is already fucked to hell, but if you're changing the rules, doing a practice match builds tension and familiarizes the audience with the new rules. I wish there was a way writers could post information in the sidebar; it would be really handy for keeping track of important information."

“I must agree my Lord, such scandalous behavior is highly improper! Please reconsider!”

"This does set up a bit of a predictable pattern," Sam (♀) noted. "The universe fucks Mari Beta sideways, he agrees with it, then the women he's enslaved 'help' him out."

"It gets a bit repetitive, but that is the nature of tournament arcs," Sam (♂) said.

“Aren’t you supposed to drain me? How are you going to do this if you destroy my balls?”

"Okay, as we've said before, no one expects sexy CBT out of Gambio, and we're not honestly looking for it here," Sam (♀) said. "But narratively, it feels like they aren't thinking out-of-the-box, yet. I feel like they should do something like seal up his vas deferens so he literally cannot ejaculate or something."

"Might be considered cheating," Sam (♂) noted. "They could hypnotize him so that his heart will explode when he cums, which would mean she killed him and automatically loses?"

"Would an impenetrable force field count as evasion?" Sam (♀) said. "Probably."

"Sylphid has a superior sense of smell. Some sort of pheromone might work on her," Sam (♂) suggested. "Trigger bloodlust mode."

“Yes, mein Führer!”

Both Sams shook their head in admonishment, as if they could psychically will Gambio to feel bad for invoking Hitler in this scenario. From a dicksnake that should have no knowledge of Germany or WWII, no less.

“According to the weather report, we might experience a storm later today”, Maria informed me.

The tent rocked in the howling wind. They thought of tree branches that might come crashing down, flash floods that would wipe them away. Unconsciously, the two naked Sams in the sleeping bag crept closer to one another.

"Anyway, so we have a nice tender moment where they admit he's not the worst possible slave owner, and then it's on to the match. Where we started at this part of the review," Sam (♀) said. "Whether the outcome will be any different for all that 'training'...we shall see."

Will I try to keep my distance or counter her?

"This is actually a short chapter as setup for a choice, and because this is a narratively important battle Gambio has piled on a lot of splits on these branches. Many ways to fail. Some ways to succeed! We're not going to cheat, but we are going to pick the first option at every turning and see where that goes," Sam (♂) said. "Maybe someday after they finish reviewing 100 Candles we'll come back and review another 50 chapters of battles, but for now..."

I did not spend all this time getting tortured in the void for nothing.

"As training montages go, getting kicked in the balls by a demon over and over is something," Sam (♀) noted. "I'm imagining a little sprite and '+5XP,' '+5XP' appearing over and over. So he tries to dodge. That works about as well as could be expected."

“Bzzt! Too much evasion from Mari! Thirty seconds penalty!”

"Coulda called that one," Sam (♂) noted.

"Anyway, having made one bad decision, Mari Beta will probably make another," Sam (♀) said. "As we again pick the first option."

“I will allow it this time, for the sake of our underwear-boy.”

"It would have been a baller move to just show up to the fight nude," Sam (♂) noted. "But Mari Beta isn't that kind of baller."

Sylphid is clearly goading me into going on the offensive.

"Unsurprisingly, this works," Sam (♀) noted. "First option once more."

When I’m done with her she will beg for my mercy! Nothing else but complete humiliation and submission will quench my thirst for retribution.
I will see that smug face twist in despair after a twelve hour long spanking session!
Or a dick sucking marathon!
Or how about an evening of tickling/constant edging without ever getting to cum!

"This feels like a Thursday night for Sylphid," Sam (♂) said. "I get that Gambio isn't portraying Mari Beta as a particularly lateral thinker, but this feels like a guy wandering into the wrong club and finding out he's the only one not in a gimp suit. And for all the focus on not-cumming-himself, Mari hasn't actually figured out how to win. Case in point:"

I haven’t really thought about how I will accomplish the cum part of this cum battle.

"First option," Sam (♀) said. "He goes for her tits."

I gulped. Here I was, in the middle of the arena with thousands of spectators.
Fondling a girls boobs.

"Gambio is actually better at writing punchy violence than foreplay," Sam (♂) said. "But they do try to capture the awkwardness here, which is interesting. But the false confidence is annoying."

"Option the first," Sam (♀) said. "I can see what Gambio's going for here, but the multiple options really kill the pacing compared to the quarterfinals."

Should I stop?
…
..
.
Yeah, right! As if that’s even a question worth of a chapter ending!

"And Gambio knows it," she continued. "Anyway, Mari Beta has Sylphid half-naked, tickled, aroused, and temporarily paralyzed. Naturally, we're going for the first option again."

"As an aside, I think all the options lost the audience at this point," Sam (♂) said. "Comments are basically nil, likes are down. But presumably they'll pick up again for the climax."

I was a bit surprised how clean shaven Sylphid was.

One of the tent-lines snapped in the wind. The whole tent shook, but the poles held.

"What was he expecting, 'Welcome to the jungle?'" Sam (♀) said.

You know, in hindsight that training yesterday really should have involved a lesson in how to properly pleasure a girl.

"That would have been a much better training montage," Sam (♂) said.

You should have chosen the non sexy option, you dingus

"I do appreciate when Gambio speaks directly to the audience," Sam (♀) said. "Anyway, we're fucked, so first option."

My dick was still inside my pants.
Sylphid’s nice and very glistening pussy was not.

Sam (♂) hummed a few bars.

And such my long battle came to a close.

"Close enough," Sam (♀) said. "Okay, so we know where this is going."

"Okay, I didn't expect that," Sam (♂) said. "But ultimately, Mari lost, and we're just inching toward the bad end. Which might be why Gambio is so chatty in the comments:"

Sylphid is one of the first characters I created for this story, In fact she might even be the very first since Mari started out as a complete blank slate.

"Which is weird when we get to this comment:"

But as for the other Sylphid Bad End... well there is one key difference between that chapter and this one.

"I mean, Mel got her wet first. Made a contest of it," Sam (♀) said. "Which is maybe why we get a confusing bedroom battle."

You all have random orgasm locks on you and it can take up to five minutes to get an orgasm even with your buddy. So don’t switch partners to quickly, alright? The great and very sexy Sylphid wants everyone to enjoy this!

"I think I like the last bad end better," Sam (♂) said. "Probably because it was more straightforward. This just feels like dragging out the loss."

Loser: Amber Assassin Mari Beta (cum buddy ???)

"Like, we know Mari lost. We know this branch is a dead end," Sam (♀) said. "Adding insult to injury isn't particularly enjoyable to the reader. But I guess Gambio enjoys it, and that is the point."

Sylphid gasped in indignation. “Oh, that does it! You just earned yourself your very first pegging, Mister!”
“Eek!♥ “

"...and that's the end of this branch," Sam (♂) said. "Which means the review is over, right?"

Lightning crashed. A roar echoed through the woods. Not the roar of a river overrunning its banks, or the crash of a tree. Something animal. The Sams held each other in the dark. The tent was lit only by the glow of their tablet screens, and Sam (♀) didn't want to think of what was digging into her thigh.

"I think, under the circumstances," Sam (♀) said. "We might read a little further."