SEL Chapter 25

Acting normal is hard. Barbara is more qualified than most to adjust to not having the use of her legs; being in shape with good upper body strength goes a long way. But as getting herself out of bed, cleaned up, and into clothes on her own in this state becomes normal, she has begun to resent it. She’s not about to let that show if she can help it, but it’s a tension that she carries with her into her day.

The sun is out over a chilly Gotham, but the humble offices that Barbara’s campaign is using have no view of it. It’s a stark departure from her brief time at Wayne Enterprises. Ivy’s quarters make this seem like a dingy closet.

Lucius looks tired.

“Better give it to me straight,” Barbara says. She has to be at the Thomkins Clinic in an hour to volunteer.

“Aki’s approached four so far. Not me, obviously,” Lucius adds, blowing on coffee.

“Then how do you know?”

“Nobody approves of me professionally, Barbara. I can still have friends.”

It’s the kind of nuance that Barbara wasn’t at Wayne Enterprises long enough to see.

“What’s she up to?”

“She talked Ivy into sticking her with an untested formula. Were you aware that Ivy was developing a Seed variant?”

“Yes. The idea was that eventually, once we had our curative stuff out the door, we could do it commercially. Potentially a big deal for gender affirmation,” Barbara says with a frown.

“Well, and this is not the sort of thing I ever expected to be thinking about, let alone talking about, but Aki Aramaki is now supposedly not only very well endowed, but she’s describing the consequences of that as being transcendent.”

Barbara unpacks Lucius’ dogged attempt to be classy.

“OK. I know what she means,” she says.

“Maybe not. She could be overselling it, but I doubt it. That isn’t her style. And Aki doesn’t care about gender affirmation. She has a different market in mind.”

“What market?”

Lucius snorts. “This is why you don’t belong in business, Barbara. It’s me. I’m the market.”

“What?”

“Men, Barbara. The other half of the world’s population. Here we have a **** that is giving people big penises out of nowhere, so it’s not a stretch that Ivy could give a guy a bigger penis. We know that demand is significant. On top of that, Aki’s saying that Ivy’s **** make it feel better. If capitalism had a holy grail, this would be it. Enlargement. Enhancement. It’s coming from Ivy, so if we can prove it’s safe, it’s all going to be green and plant-based. You couldn’t ask for a better product. She beat us to it.”

“We weren’t racing for it.”

“Well, maybe you should have. This is what decorum buys us. Because if Aki pulls this off, with Mr. Wayne unaccounted for, she’s going to try to get control of the company. Getting Ivy onboard did huge things for our stock and bought you a lot of goodwill, but this will be worth billions, and it’ll make you look like last week’s news. For money like that, the board will do whatever it takes to get Aki anything she wants. And if Aki moves fast enough, there will be nothing stopping her from throwing the full weight of this company behind her wife’s campaign.”

Barbara takes that in. It doesn’t feel great.

“I don’t see anything illegal here,” she says finally.

“Neither do I. Ivy’s a loaded gun, and you brought her into our house but didn’t use her. Aki won’t think twice. But I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of a married couple holding half the power in this city.”

“I don’t see how I can block her,” Barbara says with a shrug. “She has a good idea and she’s running with it. You think I should try to get Ivy to pull her support?”

“I thought you had a good relationship with her. Why’s she backing Aki?”

“Because she isn’t stupid. She’s not putting all of her eggs in one basket. She likes me, Lucius. And I like her. But we don’t trust each other. That takes time. Probably a lifetime in Ivy’s case, going both ways.”

“Can’t have a relationship without trust,” Lucius says.

“We don’t have a relationship. It’s a partnership.”

He looks thoughtful. “I think we’re in trouble,” he says finally.

“Any idea what they plan to do when they have this power?”

“Not a clue. For whatever it’s worth, I think your plan worked. I think Ivy has lost interest in crimes and terrorism. I think she’s starting to realize that she can have a lot more influence this way. Her wanting to be the next Lex Luthor is the best-case scenario. Has it occurred to you that she wants to be in bed with whoever comes on top of this? So that she can influence them? Or just control them? Plenty of precedent.”

“It has occurred to me.”

“I’m getting heartburn.” Lucius gets to his feet with a groan. “Keep in touch.”

“Yeah.”

He leaves the office, and Barbara sags in her chair as her assistants come in. One of them looks nervous, a little blonde.

“Uh oh. What is it?” Barbara asks.

“Well, uh,” the girl is holding her personal phone. “It’s a call for you.”

“On your phone?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“OK, guys. Give me the room.” Barbara holds out her hand, and the girl gives her phone. The assistants trot out, taking their mingling perfumes with them. Barbara sneezes. “This is Babs,” she says.

“Ms. Gordon,” says a nasally, unmistakable voice.

Barbara’s eye twitches. “Mr. Cobblepot.”

“You don’t sound surprised to hear from me. We haven’t been formally introduced.”

“I am surprised. What can I do for you?”

“It’s more a question of what I can do for you,” he replies. “Now that your wings are clipped, I had a feeling you might need help. Are you familiar with the work of Vicki Vale for Gotham Exposed?”

“Vicki doesn’t write for Gotham Exposed.” That’s a popular gossip rag.

“Indeed, she does not. She takes pictures and videos for them, all under an alias, naturally. Does that surprise you, Ms. Gordon? That someone in Gotham leads a double life? Vicki Vale, hotshot reporter and voyeur. Just like me, bird enthusiast and restaurateur. You, librarian and businesswoman and politician. I have some influence over Ms. Vale’s professional output, Ms. Gordon.”

“What does she have?” Barbara asks bluntly.

“Oh, the usual. Footage of consenting adults doing what adults do.”

How? How could Vicki have gotten video of Barbara and Ivy? Surveillance from Wayne Tower? Leaked by Aki? No. Aki can’t be behind this; the one thing she won’t do is make the company look bad. She would never leak anything sensitive.

“My relationship with Ivy isn’t a secret. I’ve been on TV in a bikini and she’s been on it in less. Why would we care?” Barbara asks.

“Ivy? Who said anything about Ivy? No, Ms. Gordon. Ivy’s a dangerous hawk, and I would never dream of upsetting her. That’s how you get your eyes pecked out. It’s the delicate feelings of Ms. Summer Gleeson that my heart bleeds for,” Cobblepot says.

Barbara’s stomach drops. She did have a moment of tabloid celebrity on her way up with Wayne Enterprises, and the chemistry between her and Summer hadn’t gone unnoticed. Footage of the two of them together in Summer’s ordinary apartment was much more realistically attainable than anything from inside Wayne Tower.

Barbara makes herself take a breath. “What do you want?”

“Friendship. What’ll it be, Ms. Gordon?”

“Can I have some time to think?”

He laughs.

A sex tape will harm Barbara’s campaign and Summer’s career. Barbara’s already on the ropes, and Summer will be devastated.

“Say the word,” Cobblepot purrs. “And no one will ever see it.”

Have Cobblepot bury the video?

Or turn him down?