SCREEN READER VERSION

You’ve been neglecting your diet lately. Before you found yourself in this world you were always a bit apathetic about getting in shape. However, you suddenly find yourself much more motivated. After all, you have mouths to feed. How are you supposed to scour the world in search of all the amazing cocksuckers this world has to offer if you get winded going up three flights of stairs? Resolute, you open Reddit and head to the loseit subreddit. You’ve always found this to be a good place to pick up random fitness tips and tricks. You decide to pick a recent post at random and open it up.

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A banner advertisement and a link to a reddit post. The title of the post is “Why is my progress slow?” The banner advertisement is for Wahl's - America's Department Store™ , advertising the arrival of the summer collection. The ad cycles through three selections of products, each with three types of that product showcased. The first is earrings, drop, hoop, and tassel. The second is jeans, straight, stretch, and pre-ripped. The third is kneepads, engraved, studded, and pre-scuffed.]

Sure, that seems fine. You click the link.

Site: old.reddit.com/r/loseit

Post title: Why is my progress slow?

Rating: 21

Posted by Obstinate-Candle-286

Post body:

Bikini season is almost upon us. I’ve been counting my calories and diligently keeping my intake below 1200 per day, which based on my BMI should have me losing weight at about a half pound per week. It worked great for the first few months! However, I’ve only lost one pound over the last four weeks, and I actually GAINED a little this last week. Can someone help me figure out what I’m doing wrong?

Top-level comment by alsknda21loriel

Is there anything you’re forgetting to include in your daily calorie totals? A common culprit is calorie-dense drinks. ****, semen, and energy drinks are common culprits.

Second-level comment by Obstinate-Candle-286

OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO TRACK JIZZ AUGH I’M STUPID. That’s like 300 calories a day! scared face That’s almost as much as a fucking big mac!!! No wonder I haven’t been losing weight. Augh! Well I guess I’ll be skipping lunch from now on. Thank you.

Third-level comment by alsknda21loriel

No problem. I have to ask, are you sure that number is accurate? It seems really high. Conventional wisdom is that the average load (assuming the guy asks you to swallow the whole thing or shoots it directly down your throat) is 24 calories. In my case that means most days I’m getting 60-100 calories from having my stomach used as a cum dumpster, which is substantial enough to count but not really enough to impact my weight to a meaningful extent. I’d say that’s pretty average for a woman between the ages of 18 and ~55.

Fourth-level comment by Obstinate-Candle-286

Yeah that’s the number I was using too. It’s because of my transfer which happened – and I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t put two and two together here – four weeks ago. That’s when I got a promotion. Before I worked at a location with only one dude, but for my promotion I got transferred to a new location where I now have five men working under me. Although it’s fair to say I spend quite a bit of my work day working under them, hah! There’s only one other woman here, so now I usually suck out about 18 loads a day, and maybe 3/4 of them I end up swallowing. Do you think it would be rude or unprofessional if I asked them to consider cumming on my face or in my panties or whatever more often? Obviously if they say no I’ll still let them cum down my throat as much as they want.

Fifth-level comment by alsknda21loriel

You’d probably be better off asking r/managers but my instinct is it’s fine to ask.

Well, that was unexpected, but not unwelcome. You briefly adjust your sitting position to try to hide the bulge of your reawakened erection, but then realize you’re being stupid and just let it be. This is probably not what you should be hung up on, but you can’t help but wonder about that number, 24 calories. It seems really high, but both of the women in this conversation talked about it like it was a well-known figure. You vaguely recall reading once that the average ejaculation only has one calorie, but the subject hasn’t been studied in-depth. However, as you look up the same subject now, you find that A) studies on this subject are a lot more numerous in this world, and B) guys cum a lot more now. It seems like the average ejaculation in this world has about eight times as much volume as in the one you came from, and at 24 calories that would also make semen… carry the one… three times thicker than it used to be? Give or take.

Huh. Earlier when you came in that random woman’s mouth you definitely blew a massive load compared to what you’re used to, but you assumed that was because it had been a while. Maybe that’s just what a normal load looks like now, though? You suppose you’re about to find out, since despite the fact that you just had a powerful orgasm less than half an hour ago, you’re once again fully hard.