Rowana & Azzie Read "Well At Least I’m a Magic Pirate Now" by Jerynboe, Part 4

Time to finish things, Rowana told herself as she waddled into the living room.

Only to find her wife occupying her spot.

The naked Uruk-Hai stroked the shaft of the Orc dildo that jutted up from her crotch, a familiar look in her eye. The pregnant ex-ranger smiled back. It seemed Azzie had her seat prepped for her.

"You know how heavy I am now," Rowana said as she gingerly bent over, reaching under her stomach to spread her snatch. Azzie used both hands to guide her down. The pregnant woman sighed as she felt the familiar sensation of Orc dick. Not like Bebe's, but after all these months, more familiar than she ever would have guessed when she was stationed in Far Harad. As her buttocks settled into the Uruk-Hai's lap, the ex-Ranger looked back to where they had left off.

Most days she made a pact with Marat, an absentminded guardian spirit who loved reading. She let him control her emotions, just a bit, so she could still feel happy. It didn’t matter what she read. As long as her eyes ran across the text and her mind comprehended it’s contents, Marat rewarded her with a trickle of joy.

"I actually really like that," Azzie said, her voice only slightly muffled. Her breasts were squished against Rowana's back. They were the pregnant woman's favorite pillows.

"It is a nice bit. No idea how it works mechanically," Rowana said. "Although in this case, it would perhaps due to remind the audience what a binder is. Just so we don't forget."

As we ran, I had Autopilot check the strange woman with detect sexuality, detect magic, and a good old fashioned perception check. She read as completely aesexual, shrouded in strong illusion and mild transmutation, and her hands were perfectly clean despite brutally clawing two ghouls to ****.

"Am I Chaotic Bisexual?" Azzie asked.

"Maybe," Rowana said. "But can you imagine the Wisdom damage the caster might take if hey tried that spell on an aboleth. 'Hey, I'm a three-thousand-year-old hermaphroditic tentacle beast, think you can comprehend my sexual preference? I think not!'"

Goblins are weird and inefficient, but they’re effective. Two ton insect husbandry for home defense checks out.

"Dick," Azzie blurted.

Rowana simply smiled, and began to rock back and forth. Letting the nubbed ridge of the Orc dildo rub at just the right place to get her juices really going.

You’re a skilled close-quarters combatant, as a Tiefling you have Darkvision, and you’ve had the wits and skill to survive alone on this island for years.

"Is it just me," Rowana said. "Or does it sound like he's flirting?"

"I think his attempts at being a good manager might get his dick bitten off," Azzie said. One green hand rested on her wife's ass. A spit-slick thumb found the crack of her ass, and teased the soft little pucker down there. Not pushing in. Not yet.

Rosie is ****
Rosie has been Grappled

"In another story, this would be an opening for tentacle shenanigans," Rowana said. "But this really isn't that kind of story."

“Of course, sir.” Sosima replied, with a too-demure expression. “I apologize for my impertinence. Would you allow this lowly servant to gaze upon your beautiful rod?”

"Roleplaying inside what is essentially a roleplaying game feels recursive," Azzie said.

Sosima has gained a new kink: androgynous drow men

"This is funny, though," Rowana said, wiggling her butt a little against her wife's thumb. "Considering how effeminate most elves are depicted, Emrys must be the manliest bastion of toxic Drow masculinity on this plane of existence.

Sosima has been struck by an Undead Bane crossbow bolt for 2 damage.

"Did she just get shot in the tit?" Azzie said. "I feel like people would be more upset about that. Are we looking at the Anniversary Special Spin-Off?"

"Might as well. We've dragged this out too long with the pee breaks," Rowana said.

It’s just a little side project I’m toying with. I have an extremely loose outline, but the concept is interesting to me and the genre is sufficiently outside my comfort zone to be appealing as an exercise to expand my horizons.

"Gotta admit," Azzie said. "Not a fan of the format."

"It does have a certain GamersAgainstWeed feel," Rowana admitted. "Not that we have that in Middle-Earth. Anyway, back to the ongoing story..."

“I’m a horny bastard. I’d have taken my shot eventually anyway.”

"I hate to break it to Emrys, but you're only a horny bastard by elf standards," Azzie said. Her thumb pressed a little harder, and the ring of muscle gave way and then clinched down hard on the base. Rowana gave a little gasp, slowing the roll of her hips as she got used to both things inside of her. "Which is why we have a sex scene every 10 to 12 chapters. Hell, I'm starting to suspect your parents were married."

"L-lack of erotic comment aside," Rowana huffed, her backfield still in motion. "The switch to what is essentially survival horror is interesting. This is closer to what a pirate story should be. Going to new islands. Fucking strange new people. Cumming where no drow has cum before."

Anyway, it’s level 4 Christmas.

"I was going to make a comment about how weird this reference is, but a thought occurs: do people who get resurrected celebrate re-birthdays?" Azzie said, her little green thumb slowly tugging at her wife's hole, stretching that ass just a little as her other hand held the buttocks apart.

"This isn't exactly a c-cozy LitRPG fantasy," Rowana gasped. "Not like they can go and have a little cupcake with a candle and sing 'happy re-birthday to me.'"

Now, time for Mean Girls tactics.

"We don't get a lot of cultural references, but the ones we get I don't particularly like," Azzie admitted. "Mostly because it's a headache that this guy is playing at his isekai life like he's in an MMO and everyone other than him is staying in character. We don't have a basis for who he was before this, so little stuff like this is more likely to take the reader out of the action. It would work better if Emrys had somebody or something he could confide in or talk to and expand on his own backstory before truck-kun came along. Or at least continue to remind the readers so they don't have to flip back twenty chapters to pick up on it again."

"It's a f-fine point," Rowana said. She had her feet on the floor now, and was gently raising and lowering herself. Not far, not fast. Just half an inch or so. Azzie kept her thumb right where it was. Felt the dildo move against it inside of her wife, through the thin skein of flesh that separated them. "Like, so far Emrys hasn't thought about going home, hasn't tried to get home, has shown no desire for the people or places of his past life. We see inside his head, but know so little about what drives him. Goes back to the motivation thing."

“What do you guys say to provoking the whole damn island to attack us at once?” I asked, “Before half the crew keels over and starts hallucinating, I mean.”

"I like this plan!" Azzie said as she pressed her other thumb against Rowana's hole. "I'm excited to be a part of it!"

"Have to admit," Rowana said. "I'm not keep on the whole constant-scheming character, but that is a bold move. Let's see if it pays off."

I'm almost done with what I consider to be "book one" of this story. I decided I'd like to do something fun to kill a week while I plan out Book 2. Ask me or any character in the story any question. Make it clear who you're asking, but it can be literally anyone and literally any question.

"Boo! Hiss!" Azzie said as she squeezed her second thumb in there. "Way to fuck up the pacing!"

"Seriously," Rowana said, eyes squeezed tight behind the lenses set in her skull as her little hole was stretched by two wiggling green thumbs. "I get that you're going for regular updates, but this is an unwelcome intermission."

The wet forest didn’t burn very well, but anything is possible with enough alchemist fire.

"No matter how much alchemist's fire you use, your matriarch will never love you, Emrys," Azzie said knowingly.

"SKILL ISSUE!" Rowana screamed as the two thumbs went knuckle deep and began to spread her wide. The ex-ranger's thighs began to tremble as she slid up and down the length of the fake dick. Wishing Bebe were awake to give her the real thing.

Shit at gun. Everyone sees that too.

"Point of order: if this universe follows video game logic, does practice do anything? Shouldn't he have to level up to get anything done?" Azzie asked.

Rowana huffed. Her tits were beginning to leak, white drops hanging off the hard, dark nipples.

I expected a bit more enthusiasm out of my lovers, so I breathed out a whisper of seductive magic to charm my fiery haired paramour. (Secret will save 4+7=11 vs DC 16. Sandara is charmed.)

"Dick move! Ahhh..." Rowana moaned. She was on the edge, and Azzie knew it. The Uruk-Hai grinned and leaned forward. Her tusks nipped lightly into the exposed buttock. Her wife shuddered and moaned, that deep, guttural sound that made Azzie's toes curl as with a job well done.

soon globs of pearly white were dripping down her cheeks and nose

"Is it weird," Azzie said, as she pulled her thumbs out, so that her great gravid wife could ease herself backward and relax. "That I think Drow jizz should be color-coded? Like, I get why not, but when you're already being a fantasy racist, why not go a little further? Make drow cum glow in the dark or something! Have drow spies use jizz to write secret messages that only appear to darkvision! Get creative!"

Everyone got a few minutes of recognition before we placed them each in their own graves.

"While I get none of these people could afford or were well-liked enough for resurrection, wouldn't burial at sea or some sort of pyre be more appropriate?" Rowana said. "They don't want to deal with undead, right? And they're pirates."

Aaron Ivey was so gaunt that I felt pangs of sympathetic hunger when I looked at him, reminding me of old pictures of Holocaust survivors more than anything else.

Rowana and Azzie both frowned. The pregnant woman wobbled to her feet, pulling herself off the slick dildo.

"Well, that killed the afterglow," Azzie said. "I hope you're happy."

Hold up. You’re married? When were you going to tell me that?

"Something something deprived of vital, need-to-know information, yadda yadda," Rowana said. "I feel like this would have worked better if Nendra had introduced herself with 'Hello, husband,' instead of finding out by quizzing the guy whose life you stepped into. But never mind that, because..."

End of book 1: Internship

"We critique because we care," Azzie said. "And that was 61ish long chapters to get to the end of the beginning, so to speak."

"Still, good on you for keeping it going," Rowana said. "Perhaps one day, we'll revisit and find out more about the adventures of Emrys, whose idea of walking the plank leaves ladies gasping in pleasure..."

"Jerynboe hasn't made that joke yet," the Uruk-Hai pointed out. "In fact, pretty much all of the erotic piratical puns have just slipped completely by. The erotic possibilities of this story may be endless but it is not, first and foremost, a smut story. Which I can respect."

"We do make our own entertainment," the pregnant woman said with a laugh.