Right to the Brink

As you get to the bottom of the stairs you can see that the argument had taken them into the living room. Fiona stood at the far end with your mother in the entry way. Your mom's back was to you and in the heat of the row she hadn't heard you and Elsie come down the stairs.

You could see Fiona's fists were clenched, her angry gaze focused on your mother. You were catching the argument midway through. Fiona says. "Then I'll take them away. We want you with us but...we don't need you anymore. We've got each other. No more family for you. You can die forgotten and alone you crazy old bitch. We don't need you...Helen."

OUCH! Things had definitely gone too far, you hoped it wasn't past saving.

Your mother bristles. "You're making some assumptions there kiddo. Elsie and Jesse aren't like you. They'd never do that to me. They are good kids."

"And I'm a bad kid, that's what you are saying."

"Fiona, if you want to mess up your own life you go ahead. No one can stop you, no one can tell you anything. But leave those two alone. They're just confused." Your mother says. She shakes her fists at her sides and straightens up. "Look at you. You tell me about this perverted job you've got. You saunter around town with your brother on your arm like a new beau. You profess your love to Elsie in the middle of a public park!?" Fiona had obviously confessed everything. Your mom goes on. "And you tell me you want to be with your family, that you want us all to marry...each other!?"

Huh? Marriage?

Your mother continues in a low dark voice. "You are a bad kid Fiona. You've lost your way. Don't take Jesse and Elsie with you, don't mess them up too." There is a moment of tense silence. "What would your father say? What would your Dad think of you if he could see you now?"

Fiona flinches as if physically struck. You knew that blow was far more painful than any mere bodily pain. Her face twitched, her chin trembled, she began blinking her eyes rapidly. She didn't want to give her mother the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

You and El pause in your tracks. Your mother had crossed a line. She was treading on sacred ground here. There was nothing you or Elsie could say to smooth this out, this was between them now.

Elsie gasps quietly. "No..." Like you Elsie understood that you stood on verge of irreparable damage to this family. Your heart was in your throat.

Fiona swallows hard, she lifts her chin high. "Daddy would say I was strong and beautiful. That I am a good business woman. He would tell me to follow my heart no matter where it lead. He would tell me to look after you guys, just like I am going to do."

Your mother sighs. "Fiona..."

Fiona continues, anger creeping into her voice. "Daddy would say that sex and love aren't different things, not when you already love the person! Daddy wouldn't have kept secrets between us. He wouldn't have hidden us away from Jesse. He would have made us feel special and perfect and not ashamed of ourselves. He wouldn't have fucked this whole fucking family up...LIKE YOU DID!"

It was your mother's turn to flinch. You could see her tense up at that last barrage. "Fiona..."

Fiona's breathing was shallow, she was on the edge of breaking down again. This had been one HELL of an emotional day for her. "Okay, fine. Go ahead. You tell me what Daddy would say. Tell me what a disappointment I am..." Her voice cracks with emotion but she soon catches herself. "Tell me what he would say to me. Tell me what Daddy would say to me Mama! What would he think of me now?"

The place is absolutely quiet. Your mother knew you were behind her at this point but she didn't want to take her eyes off of Fiona. She shudders in front of you.

Nodding slowly your mother says in a trembling heartfelt voice. "You know what...you're right. You're absolutely right. Everything would have been better had he not...passed on." Your mother sniffles. "He could talk to you like I never could. I did my best. It wasn't enough, but it was the best I had to give. I did what I thought was best. But...I failed. I'm sorry I let you down Fiona. I really am." She takes a deep breath. "Your dad would have told you all the things you said. Your Dad would be so proud of you Fiona, even if he wouldn't have agreed with you. He loved you so much. He loved us all...so much. He...he would have known what to do..." She wipes tears from her cheeks.

Fiona's hurt melts away as she watches her mother struggle. "Hey. I'm...I'm sorry I said that. I'm sorry Mom." She says softly. She walks up and places her hands on her mother's shoulders. "Mom, please. We love you, we love you so much. Please be with us."

Your mother reaches up to take Fiona's hands in hers. They share a quiet moment just looking at each other. You couldn't see your mom's face but Fiona's now had an melancholy little smile on it as they just stood together and shared this moment. They embrace and hold each other for a long time.

"Please be with us." Fiona whispers again.

Your mom collects herself and shakes her head as she wipes the tears away. "No, I'm sorry but no. It isn't right. You...you're going to have to leave Fiona. At least for a little while. I'll stop everything with Jesse and Elsie, the sex I mean. I'll try and fix them before it's too late. No more sex, no more falling in love, we're going to be a normal family now. We're going to be just a regular family and you will all meet wonderful normal people and get married and have kids and..."

Fiona whispers gently and patiently. "It's too late for that Mom. It's way too late."

Your mother shakes her head. "No, for you and me maybe. But not for them. There is still hope for them."

Your mom finally turns to address her two younger children. "Jesse, Elsi...." Her big expressive milk chocolate brown eyes go round as saucers as she sees you and she staggers back two steps. Her mouth gapes open. She stares at you in total astonishment and disbelief at what she was seeing right there before her very eyes. It was like she'd just seen some mythical creature come to life. Her wide eyes were locked on you.

She gasps in a hushed voice. "Jesse! Jesse...w-w-what...what...what are you...?" She begins shaking her head. "No!"

You smile your prettiest smile. "Do you like it Mom? I did it for you."

She spins away from you, forcibly tearing her eyes away from you. Reaching up she grasps Fiona's shoulder as if for support to keep her standing. "No, no, no, no, no! No Jesse...you can't be wearing that right now sweetie. No, no, no, no, no! Go get changed, oh lord please go get changed. You can't look like that right now. Why do you look like that right now? No sweetie!"

You say in a hurt little high pitched girlish voice. "But...I'm pretty for you Mom. I did this for you. Please look at me. Don't you like it Mommy? I thought you'd like it."

Your mother heaves forward a step and trembles. "Oh my god. Oh sweet Jesus. Don't talk like that baby boy." She buries her face in her hands and shakes her head. "Control yourself Helen. Stay strong for them." She whispers to herself before then saying louder. "Please, please g-go get changed Jesse. Y-you can't be a girl...you just can't, not now. Not now." She didn't dare look back at you again

The rest of you stand enthralled at what you were witnessing. Even Fiona and Elsie were shocked to see the effect you were having on your mother.