Reaching Out and Holding Back

Trevor sat on the couch in his suite, bouncing his leg. The sun had set a while ago and Riley was due to show up any minute now. Trevor had no idea what to expect.

He figured that if Riley had wanted to talk he'd have stuck around the plaza yesterday, so he'd given his friend some space. Trevor had known Riley for a long time; he'd want some time to collect himself before he was ready to open up.

But then they'd never been through anything like this before. Riley had to be going through hell.

The minutes dragged by. Trevor was too nervous to do anything to pass the time but wait. Eventually, the knock came at the door.

Trevor stood up and walked over, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He opened the door and found Riley waiting on the other side.

"Hi," Riley said awkwardly, unsure.

Trevor pulled him into a hug. Riley's arms hung at his side for a moment, uncertain, but he hugged back. Trevor tried to focus on how much he was worried about his friend, and not on the pair of breasts pushing into his chest.

"Come on," Trevor said. "Let's go inside."

As Trevor shut the suite door Riley looked around with a raised eyebrow. "This is where they have you staying?"

"Nice right?" Trevor said.

"Yeah. I mean, our suites are pretty nice too, but they're a bit more...rustic. This is like, Manhattan penthouse."

"I was thinking Dubai."

"It's not ostentatious enough for Dubai. You need like...a silver fountain of molten gold."

"I'll bring it up with Violet, see if she can get that done."

Riley sat down on one half of the conversation pit and Trevor took a spot on the other. As easily as they were falling back into old patterns it was hard for Trevor to really, fully see his friend in the person sitting across from him. Riley was wearing a pink, ruffly dress, although it was much less fetishistic than the one Violet had provided at the end of the contest. It featured only one small bow, the hem was lower down his leg, and it didn't show off any cleavage.

Cleavage. Riley had cleavage. He had a narrow waist. Long hair. It was strange how he could at once look like himself and also nothing like himself. The whole situation was difficult for Trevor to wrap his head around. It had to be so much harder for Riley himself.

"Yeah," Riley said. "Hard to get used to."

Trevor winced. Was he that transparent? "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare."

"Why wouldn't you stare? They made a spectacle out of me. That's the whole point."

"It's not that bad." Trevor immediately regretted his choice of words. Of course it was that bad.

"I know what you're trying to say," Riley said quietly. "But it is. That bad."

"Riley, I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but, are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine."

Riley met his eyes. He looked so tired.

"I'm fine."

Trevor took a beat. "So, the dress..."

"It's like a compulsion," Riley explained. "I got back and my whole closet was filled with stuff like this. No sign of my old clothes. I tried to put on one of Audrey's tops, just to see if I could. It felt...*wrong*. Deeply wrong. I couldn't take it. So," he motioned towards his clothing. "This is the least embarrassing one I could find."

Trevor got the mental image of Riley desperately rifling through his closet for something to wear that wouldn't shame him in front of his friend. It was awful.

"Don't waste the good outfits on me," Trevor said, offering a thin smile. "If I gave a shit what you wore I'd have had you toss out your ratty-ass t-shirts years ago."

"Yeah, you and Paige both." Riley's face fell.

"Have you two..."

"No, not yet. I just...I can't. Not now."

Trevor nodded. That tracked. He let the thread of conversation lie, not wanting to drag his friend through what was probably an open wound, and not wanting to sow any division between the couple.

"Look, Riley, you know that I'm here for you no matter what right?"

"Of course. Yeah."

"I mean it. No matter what. Wherever your head is at right now, whatever shit comes next, I'm here. There's nothing I won't understand. Or at least try to. I mean hell, you got me through Anna, seems like the least I could do."

"Trevor, I get it."

He sat there uncomfortably. Finally, Trevor pushed himself out of the conversation pit and went over to the living room's mini-fridge. He grabbed two beers then tossed one to Riley.

"There are bottle openers in the pit, look about where your calf is."

Riley reached down and popped open his bottle while Trevor used the opener on his mini-fridge.

"Now come on," Trevor said, "get up. I had the staff track something down for me."

Riley climbed out of the pit and watched as Trevor went to fetch a box out of his bedroom. He came back and slammed it down on the table.

"Grow from the Ashes?" Riley asked.

"Grow from the Ashes," Trevor confirmed. It was a board game made by a Swedish company about reforesting a region of Germany. It had a fiendishly complex set of rules.

"I don't know if I'm up for this man," Riley said.

"We're playing," Trevor told him, putting his foot down.

Riley seemed disinterested as Trevor pulled out the pieces and started setting up the board. Once they started getting into it though Riley began to engage. An hour into the game and he had seemed to forget anything was wrong at all.

By the time they finished Riley was smiling and laughing, having become fully engrossed by the gameplay. It was late now, very late, and one of the night's points of tension was quickly approaching.

They finished putting away the game. Riley stood awkwardly in the living room. "So, probably time to get to bed then," he said.

"Yeah, probably," Trevor agreed.

"We uh, have to sleep in the same bed?"

"That's what Violet said." Trevor very seriously considered just sleeping on the couch and telling Violet to shove it. It probably wasn't worth it though. He had to pick his battles.

"I'm going to change in the bathroom," Trevor told his friend. "I'll be right back."

Trevor grabbed a pair of long fleece pants and a loose t-shirt, his pajamas, then did as he had said. He went into the bathroom and changed. When he stepped out Riley was already tucked into the far end of the bed, watching TV and looking awkward as hell doing it. He was trying hard to stay focused on some show about flipping an apartment.

With nothing else to do, Trevor slipped under the covers on the near side of the bed. It was about queen-sized, which was the perfect size if your goal was to drive Trevor mad. It was just big enough that Riley and he had some personal space but not so large that they could maintain that personal space without thinking about it.

As Trevor settled into bed he noticed something. Riley was still in his dress. "You can use the bathroom to change," he offered.

Riley squeezed his eyes shut. "Trust me, we'll both be happier if I stay out of my sleepwear."

Trevor shuddered a little, imagining what Riley meant by that. It would be the last thing they said to each other for the night, opting instead to quietly watch nighttime television and eventually pass out. When Trevor woke up in the morning Riley was already gone.