Handling It

Natalie knocked on the suite's door. In theory she could have sent a servant to bring the invitation, but she didn't want to involve them in this. It had to be handled delicately. She knocked again. Politely.

Chloe half-opened the door. She seemed surprised to find Natalie there, clearly expecting a servant and not an actual visitor.

"Oh," Natalie said. "Chloe right?"

"Yeah," the younger girl responded. "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Paige, is she around?"

Natalie knew that she wasn't. Right now Paige would be at the spa.

"No," Chloe replied, "she left about an hour ago. She should be back later though. I can pass a message on if you'd like her to meet you somewhere."

Natalie sighed. "No, that's fine. I was just going to ask her to come into town with me." Natalie pretended as if something had just occurred to her. She hoped she sold it. "Hey, do you want to come?"

Chloe furrowed her brow. "Where?"

"To the shops. I could use the company."

"I don't really need anything."

"Oh come on. It'll be fun." Natalie favored Chloe with a smile.

Chloe thought it over. "Sure, why not. All I'm doing in here is watching TV. Let me grab some shoes, I'll be right out."

Chloe shut the door and Natalie leaned against the side of the suite, resting her eyes. The past two nights had been rough. She hadn't been getting much sleep. This show was going to drive her insane.

Tired and horny. That was pretty much her constant state these days. Two basic human drives, neither of which she was able to satisfy. She'd need to do something about it, eventually. She knew she couldn't just keep on like this.

That was a problem for later though. Right now she had work to do.

Chloe opened the door again, stepped out, and locked the door behind her. She jumped a little when she turned around to find Natalie leaning against the wall beside her.

"Sorry," Natalie said, "didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine. Just didn't expect you to be right there."

"Ready to go?"

"Yep," Chloe said, shouldering her purse.

The two set off.

"So what are you looking for?" Chloe asked.

"I'm going to try and start a garden," Natalie said.

Chloe looked around them. "In a desert?"

"Yep. The servants worked all day yesterday to set up a plot outside my suite. I've got dirt, now I need some plants and some tools."

"What kind of plants can you even grow? Seems a little harsh out here."

"There's all sorts of stuff. Cacti and succulents are the easiest, but there'sa lot of flowers to choose from too."

"I thought cactuses and succulents were the same thing."

"Cacti are a type of succulent. Like squares and rectangles."

"And you can actually get flowers to take?"

Natalie looked up, squinting in the bright sunlight. "Maybe. There's a lot of flowers that'll grow in hot, dry climates. Lavender, coneflowers, stuff like that. Even for a desert though this place seems pretty arid."

"Yeah," Chloe said, "I've been thinking about that actually. Where do you think we are?"

"Not a clue. There's a lot of deserts out there."

"Yeah, but most of them aren't this sandy. There's the Gobi desert, but I think there's supposed to be rock formations or cliffs or something there. Colorado has some pretty big sand dunes, but we'd be able to see the mountains if that's where we were. I think this has to be somewhere in Arabia, or maybe the Saharan desert.

Natalie looked out towards the horizon, where the dunes grew to towering heights. "Do sand dunes get this big in any of those places?"

"I don't think so," Chloe said.

It was a discomforting thought.

***

Riley was sat on his couch staring at the TV as some inane soap opera played out.

"I'm making coffee," Audrey called out from the kitchenette. "Do you want any?"

God did he. He was exhausted. "Yes please," he shouted back.

"Coming right up," came Audrey's reply.

Riley rubbed his eyes. He'd gotten up early this morning to sneak out of Trevor's place. He hadn't slept well either. The dress he'd gone to bed in wasn't exactly comfortable sleepwear. Still though, it was miles better than letting Trevor see him in what the show had provided.

Audrey came into the room and set down a cup of coffee in front of him, then took a seat on the other side of the couch.

"You have fun last night?" she asked, cupping her coffee and blowing on it.

Riley reached out for his own cup. "It was fine."

"What did you guys get up to?"

"Trevor had the servants track down this board game we'd been meaning to play. We did that for most of the night."

"Sounds like a good time."

Riley shrugged.

It had been a good time, while they were playing at least. It had been nice to let himself get absorbed in something. To forget everything that was going on. But it did little to drown out the utter humiliation of the rest of the night. He'd spent an hour digging through his closet trying to find something to wear that didn't make him look utterly ridiculous.

That wasn't the worst of it though. No. The worst thing was that he'd noticed that Trevor, his best friend, was hot. Riley had always known that Trevor was the better looking of the two of them, but there was a difference between understanding that intellectually and understanding it intuitively. His mind recoiled at it. It was unwelcome information. Foreign.

Audrey set her cup of coffee down on the table and folded her hands, leaning in. "You know," she said. "It's ok to not be ok with all this."

Great. Someone else trying to help him.

He tried to squash the bitterness. Trevor hadn't made him talk, he'd just let Riley know he was there and left it at that. He'd done exactly what Riley would have wanted him to. And Audrey was just being nice. It wasn't their fault that Riley had an open wound that he'd rather just not think about.

Maybe he'd have opened up to Paige. But at the thought of her his heart bled. No. Best not to dwell on that.

"Yeah," he said. "I know."

Audrey grew thoughtful for a moment. "Have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus?"

He shook his head.

"Theseus was the king of Athens. His ship was kind of a big deal. They kept it around for centuries. Over time though, planks of the ship would become damaged and need to be replaced. Eventually, after years and years of service, a shipbuilder stood in the bay and looked at the ship. He'd just replaced the last plank from the original. What stood in the harbor before him was a ship that had no parts left over from the one that Theseus had sailed. Every plank, every nail, every strip of wood had eventually degraded and needed to be changed out for a new one.

"So the question on that shipbuilder's mind was this: was this still the ship of Theseus? If it wasn't, when had it stopped being Theseus's ship?"

Riley took a sip of his coffee. "No offense, but I'm not really in the mood for riddles."

"It isn't a riddle," she told him. "It's a thought experiment. It asks us the question of what makes something the thing that is. Intuitively we all understanding that repairing a ship doesn't make it a new ship. We don't rename them every time they come into port. But when we think about it, after so many changes, how can we call it the same thing?"

Oh. He got it now. "Maybe it isn't the same ship," he mumbled bitterly.

"Maybe. Some people think that even the smallest change means we should think about it as a new object."

He thought about it and sighed. "I guess that doesn't make a lot of sense. Some sailor gets a splinter because they're walking around without shoes on and now it's a different ship?"

"I don't like that solution either," she agreed. "It seems a little facile. We all know it's the same ship."

"But it is different. You can't just change it forever with no effect."

"Maybe you can. I don't know about you, but I'm not a whole lot like I was when I was two years old. I don't have any of the same thoughts, perspectives, motivations, or outlooks. Even physically, my cells have almost all changed over. But that two year old is still me, and I'm still her.

"Things, especially people, are more than the sum of their parts. That ship in the harbor is more than just a bunch of planks. It's an idea. It's still the ship of Theseus because we decide that it is. Because that's the image of it we hold in our mind. It's our choice to make."

"That doesn't really solve the problem though, does it?" he asked. "You can't just wave your hand and say that it doesn't matter."

"Well," Audrey conceded, "it's more complicated than that. Yes. But my point is this. You're still young, Riley. Even if none of this had ever happened, you would still have points in your life where everything changed. They're difficult. The one you're faced with is more difficult than most, and is certainly stranger than most, but at the end of the day questions like this have been on people's minds for thousands of years. It can take a long time to see how all the pieces of ourselves fit together, but it's something we all have to do."

"I'm doing fine Audrey, really. I don't need to talk about it."

"Alright. I believe you. But I just want to say one more thing, and I know how it might sound so just bear with me for a second. They haven't changed anything about you that really matters. You're more than a collection of body parts and clothing. I'm not saying you shouldn't be angry, or sad, or however it is you feel about it. You have every right to feel the way you do, and it would be weird if you didn't. At the end of the day though, you should know that you're still you."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." He hoped she'd just let the conversation drop. Thankfully, she did.

After a while Audrey stood up and started gathering her things. "I'm going to go over to the shopping center. You want to come with me?"

He just wanted to sit on the couch. "I'm alright, I don't need anything."

"You sure? We might be able to find some clothes you like, or something."

Clothes he'd like because they weren't absolutely mortifying, he thought bitterly. She did have a point though. Even among the clothes the show had given him, some were worse than others. He dreaded going out in public, but he'd need to do it eventually.

Riley sighed. "Fine, I guess. I'll go." A knot formed in his stomach at the thought, but if there was a chance he could find something to wear that didn't make him want to die then he supposed it was worth it.

***

Riley stood in the bra aisle staring blankly at the options arrayed in front of him. There were a million different choices. He had no idea what to get. He had no idea where to even start. He was a guy. He'd never been taught about bras. He shouldn't have ever needed to make a decision like this.

Audrey walked up beside him. "There's a lot to choose from."

He nodded. That wasn't really the problem though.

"Do you know your bra size?"

His bra size. He had a bra size. "I'm a B cup," he said flatly.

"What about your band size?" she asked.

What the hell was a band size. He shook his head. The action knocked a lock of hair out of place and it fell in front of his eyes. He pushed it back. His hair was so long now. He'd have to learn to take care of it. Or not. Did he really care?

"All right," Audrey explained, "so there are two parts to bra sizing: cup size and band size. Cup size gets all the attention, but band size is probably more important. It'll be a number that comes before the cup size. Thirty two, thirty four, and thirty six are the common ones."

Riley thought about it. "The ones they gave me were 34B," he recalled.

"That's your full bra size then. You also have some sister sizes. Those are different combinations of band and cup size that amount to basically the same thing. A 34B is going to be about the same as a 32C or a 36A."

"So saying 'I'm a B cup' doesn't actually mean anything," Riley noted.

"Not really, no. Everyone sort of gets whats you're saying though, so it's not a big deal."

He nodded absently. "There's so many different types."

"It's not too bad once you buy a few. Strapless bras are for dresses that leave your shoulders exposed. Demi bras have half cups, you wear those with low necklines. Racerbacks have a certain shape of straps in the back. T-shirt bras are for, obviously, t-shirts."

"They don't let me wear t-shirts anymore."

Audrey looked embarrassed. That was quite an accomplishment, he thought sourly, to leave Audrey speechless. He sighed. She was just trying to help. It wasn't her fault that he was **** to wear such humiliating dresses. He should be thankful. This was all stuff he needed to know now.

"Thanks for helping me out," he told her. He meant it. This would have been awful to try and go through on his own, and Audrey had been doing a pretty good job of making it matter-of-fact, which he found made it less embarrassing.

"Of course," she said. "Any time. I'm going to be just over there, come grab me if you have any questions."

He walked along the wall of bras and grabbed a small collection of them then made his way into the changing rooms. He wouldn't have been surprised if the show expected him to change out in the open, but miraculously they did indeed have private areas for that.

Once the door was shut he took his dress off, letting it fall to the floor unceremoniously, and unhooked his bra. He looked in the mirror. He hardly recognized himself.

His hair fell down to the top of his breasts, not something he ever thought he'd have to say. He placed his hand on his waist, which now curved in before flaring out into his hips. They hadn't given him exaggerated proportions, but this was definitely a woman's body that he found himself in.

Well, almost. The pink panties he was wearing had a noticeable bulge.

He felt like a stranger in his own skin. This wasn't him. Even his face looked like a fun-house mirror distortion of who he truly was.

He blinked back tears. Focus on the task at hand, he told himself. He took all his feelings and shoved them into a deep dark box in the back of his mind.

He tried on a simple black sports bra first, but immediately the feeling of wrongness set in that let him know that this wasn't an article of clothing the show approved of. He took it off immediately.

Next was a triangle bra of simple design, nothing more than pink fabric. This one wasn't up to the show's standards either and he shucked it off.

With resignation, he tried on a white and pink demi bra with little flourishes of lace along the edges. No discomfort. This one worked. Of course it did. He took it off and threw it with more than a little resentment into the pile of things he'd buy. It wasn't as bad as some of the ones they'd stocked his closet with.

Sighing, he moved on to the next one.

***

Audrey watched as Riley disappeared into the changing room. All things considered he was handling the experience pretty well. Not that he was alright. The boy was clearly struggling. But he wasn't breaking down in the middle of a store and that, Audrey thought, meant that he might be strong enough to come out of this in one piece.

She didn't know him that well, but she was proud of him.

Audrey didn't need to buy anything in this store, she'd just come along to help Riley. The real reason she'd wanted to visit the shopping district was outside.

Judging by how many clothes Riley had taken with him she probably had about half an hour before he'd come out. She wasn't trying to hide from him or anything, she just didn't want to stand around doing nothing while he tried things on.

Audrey left the store and walked one street over to where there was a large brick-paved square surrounded by several storefronts. In the middle of this square was the object of her attention. The bounty board.

She wasn't hurting for Victory Points. She had eleven, which put her in fourth place just one point behind Natalie. There was a very comfortable gap between her and the fifth place contestant, who was none other than Riley with four points. She wasn't at any risk of elimination. But she wasn't poised to win, either. Laura had twenty points, and Paige had fifteen. She'd need to practically double her points to take first.

Audrey planned on doing exactly that. Her night with Trevor was five days away, towards the end of the round, and she was going to make it count. She was a little uneasy at the prospect. She'd been practicing thinking of her former student sexually, and was beginning to break down some of the inhibitions that might cause her to hesitate or freeze up. Trevor was going to have some hangups of his own and she didn't want to make things worse.

She'd made progress on that front. He had definitely noticed her change in wardrobe, and she'd caught him staring at her bust during the transformation with what she thought was appreciation. She had no intention of forcing, or even explicitly pressuring, Trevor into anything he wasn't comfortable with. But she was certainly going to open the door for him and invite him in.

Advancing her relationship with Trevor was just a one shut influx of points, though. And it was a well that others would visit eventually. As far as she could tell contests were the most important source of points, but she couldn't guarantee that she'd place well every round. To really have the best possible shot at victory she'd need to take advantage of every resource at her disposal. That included the bounty board.

Audrey walked up to it. The bounty board was a simple wooden construction with three notes posted to it. They were done in the style of wanted posters, like something out of the wild west. She supposed a little showmanship was to be expected on what was literally a show, but the choice did seem a little tacky.

The bounties read: 'WANTED: Model for Boudoir Photo Shoot', 'WANTED: Attendant for Hole in Wall', and 'WANTED: Maid to Clean Suite'.

Being the attendant for the 'hole in a wall' payed the best, being worth fifteen Victory Points. There was a note at the bottom however that stated that this bounty included the points that would normally be included in the act, so it might not be as good of a deal as it at first looked. Besides, while the points would be nice it didn't help her advance her game plan. Trevor would have no idea it was her on the other side of the wall.

The bounty for the maid job was worth ten points. That would be enough to put her in first place. The idea worried her though. Putting aside questions of how comfortable she herself would be doing such a thing, it could be disastrous for her relationship with Trevor. Such a reversal of power would probably deeply unsettle him. She needed to move more gradually.

That just left the bounty for the photo shoot. It was only worth five points, but it was otherwise perfect. The photos, which would presumably be delivered to Trevor, would be a non-threatening way to continue to tempt him. It let her show herself off as a possible subject of his sexual attention without rocking the boat too much.

Besides, five points was nothing to dismiss. It would put her at sixteen total points, enough to claim second place. The three girls ahead of her - Laura, Paige, and Natalie - were all contestants who she thought unlikely to claim the two remaining bounties. The only way for someone below Audrey in the rankings to surpass her would be for Riley to claim the 'hole in the wall' bounty for fifteen points, and she found that to be rather far fetched.

The flier gave directions to the photo studio where the shoot would take place, located on the edges of the shopping district. She would need to bring her own attire. Audrey did a quick inventory of what she remembered in her closet. She may have one or two outfits that could work, but it would probably be worth it to pick something up specifically for the job.

Audrey turned around and made her way back to the store where she had left Riley. They had a lingerie section and she headed straight for it. There was quite a selection. The show was well stocked when it came to such things. Considering the premise she supposed she shouldn't be surprised.

Audrey had been leafing through different sets for a while when Riley finally walked out of the changing room and joined back up with her.

"Find anything to get?" she asked.

"Yeah." He sounded defeated.

She turned to him. She was about to ask if he was alright when she thought better of it. Of course he wasn't, and his face didn't look like it was inviting her to ask about it. She decided to go with what had been working and pretended like everything was normal.

"You don't happen to know what Trevor's taste in lingerie is, do you?"

Riley stammered. "I, um...no. We don't...we've never exactly talked about that."

"Hm. Would have been nice to have the inside track."

Audrey made her decision and grabbed a set that she'd had her eye on from the beginning. "Alright. I'm done here. You ready to check out?"

"Yeah, I'm done."

The two walked over to the clerk who was set up by the door. She was about Audrey's age, although she actually looked the part, and was dressed in the simple black-and-white uniform that all the servants wore. Audrey made her purchase first, opting to just pay for the single item individually rather than buying a pass.

She stepped aside to let Riley check out. He fidgeted uncomfortably and avoided making eye contact. Poor boy.

When they had finished the two stepped outside and began their walk back. As they were nearing the edge of the district though Audrey spotted a number of figures walking towards the main path from another direction. When the figures drew closer she could recognized Natalie and Chloe. They weren't roommates, she knew. Were they friends now?

Behind the two girls a servant pushed a cart with a number of potted plants.

"Hey," Natalie said as the two groups joined up. "What are you guys doing out here?"

"Just a little shopping. What about you?" Audrey asked, eyeing the cart.

"I'm starting a garden," Natalie smiled. "Chloe came along."

"Trevor mentioned you had a green thumb," Audrey said.

"We were going to grab some lunch," Natalie informed them. "You guys want to come along?"

Riley looked down at the bag he was holding. "I think I'm just going to head home."

"You sure?" Natalie asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Just feeling a little tired."

"I know what you mean," Natalie muttered. "What about you?"

Audrey thought about it. She had to eat anyways. Might as well. "Sure. Where are you guys thinking of going?"

"There's a sandwich shop down that way," Chloe said, "if that sounds good to you guys."

"Works for me," Audrey confirmed.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Natalie said. "You know where my suite is, right?" she asked the servant.

"Yes mam," he replied. "I'd be happy to drop off your plants for you."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." She turned to Riley. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, we can grab lunch some other time," he told her.

The two hugged and finished their goodbyes, then the group headed off in the other direction.

***

Chloe grabbed her sandwich and sat down at the table with Dr. Friedman and Natalie. It wasn't exactly the strangest thing to have happened to her recently, but having lunch with her aloof professor was still odd.

"I've been meaning to ask," Dr. Friedman began, addressing Chloe, "how is your project coming along?"

Chloe swallowed the bite she'd just taken. "Excuse me?"

The older woman laughed. "I'm just kidding." She nibbled at a french fry. "Obviously you have a small extension." Her eyes danced playfully.

"I've been told you never give those out," Chloe said. "I feel special."

"You two know each other?" Natalie asked.

"I'm in Dr. Friedman's Intro to Philosophy class," Chloe said. Or at least I was, she thought.

"Please, just Audrey is fine. I think we're well past titles at this point."

"Right, Audrey," Chloe corrected. It didn't feel right on her lips. Audrey was just so much a professor.

"So, Chloe," Natalie asked. "Do you have a guy back home?"

That was an odd question. "No. I've never been much of a dater."

Chloe thought that was true too. Until she remembered Mark. She suddenly felt awful. How had she forgotten him so easily? He had meant so much to her. Except now, of course, he didn't. She took another bite, thinking about what this show had taken away from her.

"Anyone you have your eye on?" Natalie asked again.

"Not really. Why?"

Natalie shrugged. "Just curious. What about you Audrey?"

Her professor laughed. "No, I've been off the market for a while."

"And you?" Chloe asked Natalie.

The others girl face fell, but she covered it quickly. "No. I'm single, just like you two."

Chloe felt like a complete tool. She'd completely forgotten about Natalie's last transformation. Of course she was single. She'd be single forever. Chloe wasn't the only one this show had taken something away from.

She quickly tried to change the subject. "Audrey," testing the word out, "that thing about publishing a novel. Was that true?"

Dr. Friedman's stone visage cracked a little. She'd never seen her professor embarrassed before. "It is."

"Don't leave us hanging," Natalie said, "what's it about?"

"It's a thriller."

"You wrote a thriller?" Chloe asked in shock.

"It's nothing."

"You managed to get it published," Natalie pointed out. "It couldn't have been nothing."

"Well, I may dabble a little in creative writing. It's just a hobby."

"Whats the book called?" Chloe asked.

Audrey cleared her throat and mumbled something.

"Sorry," Natalie said with a big grin, "didn't catch that. What's it called?"

Audrey sighed. "The Judas Imperative."

Natalie whistled. "I'd read that."

"You don't even know what its about," Audrey chided.

"Yeah," Natalie said, "but it's called The Judas Imperative. I'm in."

"You could tell us what its about," Chloe prompted.

Audrey waved them off. "Another time maybe."

"Well I'm definitely going to buy a copy," Natalie laughed. She sobered as the gap in the conversation dragged on. "Hey, do you guys think I could ask you something?"

"Sure," Chloe said.

"What do think about Trevor?"

Ah, crap.

"I've known him for a long time now," Audrey told them. "He's been a good student. He has a fantastic work ethic. Don't tell him I said this, but he's smart too. He'll do well for himself when he finishes his program, and I've enjoyed working with him."

Natalie smiled at that. "Don't worry, your secrets safe with me. And just so you know, he thinks the world of you."

Audrey stared down at her plate. "Yes, well. We've done some good work together." Embarrassed twice in one day. Chloe had seen it all.

"What about you Chloe?" Natalie asked.

"Look," she said. "Maybe we just shouldn't talk about this."

Natalie seemed nice. Chloe really didn't want to have to explain to her that her brother was a pervert.

"So not a fan then," Natalie frowned.

Chloe had no idea what to say. Eventually her silence had gone on long enough that it was an answer all on its own.

"You know he doesn't want this. For any of us. Right?"

"I don't think that he does." Chloe said simply. She fully believed that Daddy hadn't orchestrated any of this (her blood pressure shot up at the inadvertent slip) but it was still his fault that she was here. If he hadn't been perving on her then Violet would never have brought her on the show.

"Ok," Natalie said. "I know this is uncomfortable then, but please, let me just say it. He's a good guy. He really is. He would never do anything you didn't want him to. If we're going to get through this then some degree of trust is going to be necessary. Please, just give him a chance. He's as angry about this as the rest of us."

For now at least, Chloe thought. How long before he took advantage of his position? Chloe was ten points in the hole, something she had no idea how to handle. The show did though. It had some pretty clear ideas about what she was supposed to do about it. And then he would get to fulfill whatever dirty little fantasies that he'd cultivated while teaching her.

For that matter, he didn't even need the pressure the show provided. As of the last contest he could literally get her to do anything. She was effectively his ****. And Natalie sat there defending him.

"I'll keep that in mind," Chloe said. She couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of her voice.