Rachel Is Jubilant

She lets out a whoop as we cross into my room and then a giggle as she tumbles into my bed, a big and broad smile across her face as she shimmies and stares up at the ceiling for a moment, just reveling in the thrill of what she's done.

So thrilled, so absolutely thrilled by what she's done. Positively beaming and shimmering with it that she seems so unlike herself. Not one ounce the lithe and lively cat like persona who slithers sensually from one encounter to another with all the experience and all of the confidence that one could have.

It makes me remember for an instant just who she is.

Rachel is eighteen years old, after all. A freshman in college and out of the family home for the very first time. She isn't some sensual goddess with a lifetime's worth of experience. She isn't exactly who she seems to be.

Don't get me wrong, I've no doubt she could make me blush were she to run down the full list of her encounters that she'd had in her lifetime, but at the same time those encounters were minimal in contrast to where they would be by the time she finally stepped out of her wild years and settled down. In the grand scheme of things she was just starting out.

Which meant she wasn't much less innocent than me. And meant that she wasn't worldly and experienced. And meant that she was, like me, almost in over her head.

It's just that Rachel was handling it far better.

But in a momentary thrill at doing something so postively naughty as tempting and teasing an older man like Lucas she had played her hand. Rachel wasn't nearly the woman she pretended to be, but I wasn't about to hold that against her.

Quite to the contrary I simply latched the door shut behind us and then locked it for good measure before bouncing over and bounding into the bed beside her. The mattress shaking and Rachel tumbling as we settled in a tangle amongst the bedsheets.

So close. So very close.

Rachel was going to spend the night, that was the plan. And while this bed wasn't a single like the ones in the dorms it wasn't even a double so we were going to be all over each other just like we were now. Practically tangled up in each other and almost unable to find any space to breathe as our bodies brushed and touched and trembled against each other.

As I refamiliarized myself with the touch, the feel, and the scent of her. As the giggles went away but the shaking didn't part. As we stopped laughing and looked each other in the eye.

Naked. So naked. And with no clothing there was a sense of exposure, a palpable vulnerability. That and the revelation I'd just had about her made me wonder what she truly saw when she looked at me. What Rachel had assumed about Emily, about me, and how much of it was closer to truth than I cared to admit.

She didn't know the truth, not the whole truth, because no one would ever assume that I was a man trapped in the body of a woman. Still she had to know there was something odd about me, something that didn't stand out as quite right, and when her eyes narrowed as she looked at me I realized that she was sincerely still trying to puzzle me out, to understand what it was about me that made me who I was.

Because something about Emily didn't quite fit, and she knew it.

I was the first one to look away, twisting to stare up at the ceiling because my heart was pounding in my chest so loud I could hear it roaring in my ears. My throat dry and my body tense.

So much had changed in me, in such a short span of time. But more than any of it I'd gotten comfortable in this skin that I was in and I didn't really know what that meant. Not what it meant for me and not what it meant for my future.

I didn't know where to find the answer to that question either, but I had a feeling that Rachel might be a good place to start.

Because it was clear to me now that she was searching too.

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