Rachel Is Disappointed In Me

I watch them leave. The two men tall and broad and imposing as they silently cut across the field.

Are they speaking at all? Do guys even speak in a moment like this?

I mean Blake knew what was going on, but Jake didn't. But would that make a difference or change anything about what happened now and how they responded to each other? I truly didn't know.

Because even all of my experience as a man hadn't really prepared me for something like that. I didn't know how to react in that kind of situation because I'd never been in that kind of situation. I'd never even been within a thousand miles of a situation like that.

So would they talk? Did it matter? Blake wasn't about to blow up his spot by telling Jake anything and even if he did...

Oh fuck. Here I go worrying about a thousand things at once and all to avoid the one thing that I really ought to be worrying about because that one thing scares me more than anything else.

Never been good at friends. Not at making them. Not at keeping them around.

And Rachel was scary intimidating and she was sexy and enthralling and she made me feel things that I never thought I could and do things that I never believed were possible and a part of me knew that life would be simpler if she decided to drop me as her pet project but another part of me...

She was still a friend. Even an imperfect friend. Even one that scares me. She was still a friend.

And even in my new life I didn't exactly have a whole lot of those.

Everything that had just happened here screamed out to me that Rachel knew. Jake might not know and Blake certainly did, but Rachel did too. I mean we weren't exactly being subtle but still, she knew.

And she'd stopped things.

Which meant she was pissed.

Which meant that she was deciding right now not to be my friend.

Which meant she was going to tell me off and rip me a new asshole and then spread rumors around the whole damn school. She'd probably tell people everything about me, everything she knew. The guy in the alleyway and the guy, both guys, in the club fair. She'd spread a rumor that I was the school slut and it wouldn't exactly be untrue but it'd be out there and everyone would listen to her because she was her, she was Rachel Patrick the girl that everyone wanted to either be or to be with and she was perfect and I was flawed.

And all I could do now was take it, take the retribution and the judgement. All I could do was accept it and hope that when I got out the other side there was something to salvage from it.

So here we go.

"I don't know what you think you're doing," she says, her voice so low and her words accompanied by her shaking her head, "I am honestly baffled, Emily. Really. I can't wrap my head around it."

I swallow hard and I try to respond, try to tell her that I know and that she's right and I do but it's also that I kind of hope if I just throw myself onto the sword then maybe that'll count for something.

"Seriously," she says, "I mean... you think you know someone and then they go ahead and absolutely throw you for a loop. All of the work I did here, to plan this all out. Only for you to... what were you thinking?"

I clench my eyes shut and wince, ready for the blow to drop.

"You had them both right where you wanted," she finishes her though, "Why were you still playing hard to get?"

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