Putting some colour on those kunoichi cheeks

I might be slow. I might be cognitively limited. I might be borderline retarded sometimes. But I'm not - Well, okay, I am a bit stupid. And what do stupid people do when they want to stop being stupid? They learn. So, onto the learning.

"You were making your way home, huh? Like you normally do. Well, well", I started rubbing my hands insidiously, "And where is your home?"

"Yeah, I'm not telling a total stranger where I live", Tentend forrowed her brow, "I'd say sorry, but that wouldn't be very honest. Can I do anything else for you? You seem a bit lost, should I call anyone or bring you to a hospital maybe? I know a medical-nin, she'd probably help you get better."

Ok, she was thinking I am disoriented or maybe had a stroke. A fair assessment actually.... Still though, not very flattering. And she shouldn't get me started on the hospitals in Konoha. If you aren't a ninja or get injured in a ninja-incursion, the hospital bills in this town would bankrupt anyone that isn't dynamo-levels of rich. Daichi broke his arm a few years back, shortly before we were done with school. To pay that off, both Aguri and me immediately started working at the sake distillery (illegally, mind you). For half a year we were basically drunk through osmosis, just to pay of some ninja guy bending Daichis arm in the right direction and binding a piece of wood on the backside. No fancy-schmancy jutsus, simple stuff. Our economy is so broken with its fixation on ninja-based income and supplementary services. Someone really ought to teach these shinobi that us normal people-

She's gone. I can't keep drifting off into space like that, I have some karmic retribution to test. Oooooh, of course. A test.

"It's normal for Tenten to come back here and make sure I am well, before she goes home", I said to absolutely no one in the desolate alley.

I guess I'll wait for a couple of minutes and then I'll kno-

"Are you feeling a bit better now?"

AAAAAAAAAAARG, I screamed internally.

"AAAAAAAAAAARG", I screamed externally.

Out of nowhere she returned, directly behind me. Those kunoichi, I tell you, they'll be the **** of me. What does she think she's doing? Putting that jump-scare on me and pretending like that's normal. Normal. Normal. Normal.

"Yes!", I immediately started celebrating. Jumping into the air, throwing my arms left and right. This was it, this was the proof. When I say something is normal, then it really is normal. And people act that out like it's normal. Wow, this is so out of this world. This is leagues above what the shinobi do, a fireball here, shattering a wall with your fist there, huh. What's that compared to talking the world into going along with your every whim. With this, my whole life would would turn around, all those cute ass kunoichi-

The kunoichi in front of me! She had turned around started walking away again, but this time I caught her escape attempt. Okay, I'm sounding a bit ominous now.... But hey, last time I didn't even notice her leave and this time I realized her departure while it was still happening. It's the progress that counts and I'm definitely making progress here.

"Tenten, was it?", the woman turned around, "I'm actually not well."

I put on my best imitation of a sad expression, even though happiness and excitement must be bursting from every pore of my body right now.

"You aren't? But you just said you were and then you started jumping around", she's a kunoichi, of course she isn't that easily fooled.

"Well yes, but I have some important questions I need to ask before I'm really well", I subconsciously looked her body over, she didn't just have those pretty hair buns, but also some really tight looking buns in her ninja-pants.

"Oh, okay then. I really want to get home, so sure, ask your questions and then I'll go on my way", I have weird and reality-shaping powers, of course she's that easily fooled.

Coming up with a real banger for a first question, I take together all my brain cells.

"So, what can you do?", I'm such a smooth talker.

"I guess you mean my specialties as a ninja, right?", yes, this girl gets me, "Well, my specialties are bukijutsu and fuinjutsu. Back when I was little, I actually also wanted to become a med-"

My clueless expression made her halt. Very considerate of her.

"Weapons and seals. I do well with weapons and seals. Weapons", she makes a chopping motion, "and seals", she presses her hands tightly together, motioning compression. "Weapon arts are actually a really underappreciated craft, you know? There's a hundred different swords alone that I had to memorize and weight their pros and cons for each mission. And let me tell you about throwable weapons, those are the meat and bone of every weapons shop. Kunai for example-"

I got her really talking with this one, there's honest passion and fire in her speech. Really inspiring. Still though, onto another experiment. What am I working with here. A cute kunoichi, a tight butt, items and sealing techniques. Take all those, mix them together, add in a solid amount of pent-up perversion for a civilian. And out you get:

"Seals are sometimes applied in a way similar to tattoos, isn't that right?", she acquitted my sentence with a nod, "And seals on the body are more practical than on scrolls, as scrolls can be forgotten or lost, but your body is always present, right?", she nodded again, like parents do for a kid that tells them about their day, "Soooooo, it's pretty normal for kunoichi like you to have your items and weapons tattooed on your body, isn't it?"

Her body suddenly sported tattoos all over, from head to toe, her whole face one carpet of blank ink. A bit of a horror visage that I should have seen coming, while talking to a weapons specialist and item procurer.... This was a bit of a turn-off. Well, seeing the incredible power I hold over a womans body was more than enough to make up for it though. Wow. I have a next step planned anyway, so let's deal with this overgrowth.

"And of course ninjas don't want their enemies to see what they have in store, so it's normal for ninjas to hide those, right? To put those tattoos in hidden areas of your body, privates if you will. That sounds like the normal procedure, wouldn't you say so Tenten?"

Before the kunoichi in front of me could answer my, purely rhetorical, question, her skin had already cleared up. At least the parts of it that I was able to see.

"Interesting that you know that actually, I'm not sure how versed civilians generally are in the intricacies of warfare. The sealing of items in ones skin is a funny thing really, now that you mention it. For example, depending on how many weapons a shinobi carries, the seals get longer and more intricate, mostly laid out in circular patterns. That's of course always a question of where you put them on the body. Some body parts benefit from long lines of lettering and other, more rounded parts lend themselves to curved-"

I had struck a nerve again apparently, this woman is incredibly invested in what she does. This really is her ninja way. Really admirable. Incredibly inspiring even. Only that I wasn't thinking that, at all. My mind was on a much more practical path.

"So, you have your butt cheeks coloured with curvy mandalas, huh?", a few drops of spit started dripping from the corners of my mouth. The idea of this strong and fierce warrior woman, burning with passion for what she does, turned into a lewd slut with a tramp stamp pressed on her badonk, was really getting me going here.

She rolled her eyes hard. She might perceive what I was doing as normal, but this was a very understandable reaction to a perverted commoner making fun of your lifes work.

"No. I have hand-crafted seals, the result of techniques, passed down over countless generations, on my body. They are placed, where clothes manage to hide them, as often as possible, to gain a tactical advantage on my enemies. I take pride in them, as they are the pinnacle of my art of war. And still this is a very private matter, so if your questions are over, I'd like to get going again. Is that alright?", the warmth she just had while lecturing about weapons and seals, back when she thought I cared, was completely gone now. As much as she was happy when she thought I was interested, she was hurt now that she knew I wasn't.

Time to get that charm on again and turn it up to eleven, that normality hijinx isn't my only specialty after all.

"Sorry if I came off as rude just now", my puppy eyes in full effect. "It's just that I'm not feeling well at the moment, like, you know, I said earlier", really smooth sailing, time to reel her in. "When I haven't cum in a while, I get really rude and entitled, but that's nothing to take on offense from, it's just normal. Okay?"

That should really calm her do--~~wn. Wowsies, that felt really weird, like a shiver just ran through me. Luckily that tight ninja hottie was looking at me a lot less insulted now. She should be looking at me downright smitten, but at least she's making some progress in the right direction.

"Oh yeah, that does make sense. No offense taken then. But if it is, ahem, such a problem that makes you unwell, then we better get you to your girlfr-", she looked me over and reconcidered,"we better get you home, so you can take care of yourself."

How dare she think I don't have a girlfriend?! Okay, I don't have a girlfriend.... but that's not the point here. And my last nut emptying has been too far in the past for me to mince words here, so she should be careful what she says now, or things would very much be normal from here on out.

"My place is on the street over from the Konoha Winery, I got it close to my first job when I had to start standing on my own feet. Not that you'd know anything abou tha-", before I could manage to finish my totally justified rant about what a cakewalk of a life ninjas are living, this tatted-up hottie of a tool-swinger had already liftet me off my feet and jumped with me in the air. Maybe I should continue my rant about how ninjas normally get through town, but it's tough to speak out when you're hugged close and breathing in kunoichi fumes.