Alide And Dahlia Read Dark Lord By Unknown7 Part 3: The Return Of The King

"So, should we even bother commenting on the use of the term femcel to refer to us when Fred initially said he didn't even believe Incels were a thing?"

"I mean it's probably not even worth it, though... Incel is a shortening of the term Involuntary Celibate... What the fuck would Femcel even mean? Female Celibate? That wouldn't even mean the same thing... It would still have to be something like... Femincel, Female Involuntary Celibate to have the same meaning... Although I mean Incel is technically gender neutral so really a female incel is still just an incel..."

"Also... this might be the funniest thing Unknown7 has ever written:

"Honestly, I've been **** lots of times before I met Fred" said Farsel, "believe me its not the worst thing that's happened. I still feel that Alide and Dahlia are trivialising my ****"

__Farsel literally complaining about us trivializing her **** right after trivializing her own ****... It's fucking amazing,"

"Also I'm starting to think these people can't read?"

"I know what you mean. They seem to have been reading a different review... We never called Fred too evil, we called him too much of a douchebag, we made it very clear we would have preferred it if he was actually more straight up evil,"

"Also... No... nothing you do is justified, Fred. You have no audience sympathy, but you'd have at least audience interest if you were actually evil instead of just a petty vindictive ****. Like no... unless the people reading your story are themselves psychopaths they do not sympathize with a guy who rapes people... Most sane people do not consider **** someone a proportionate response, especially if you already beat the person and I already explained why it being a 'dream' doesn't justify that response either,"

"It's actually pretty fucked up that you think someone trying to kill you justifies **** them... most people don't even think someone trying to kill you justifies you killing them in response if there's a different option available,"

"Case in point, Batman..."

"Okay, nerd..."

"Also oh boy... Um... yeah... Once again... You realize Incel is a term the people it describes gave themselves right? It's not a term other people gave them? It's a bunch of people, mostly men, but not actually exclusively, who were mad they were virgins and decided to blame others for their inability to get laid... Like... This isn't something we or feminists made up this is a group that was made and named by it's members who were very open about their beliefs... Elliot Rodger is a murderer who cited Incel rhetoric as his specific reason for killing a bunch of women... Like I'm sorry this is undeniable stuff, this is you arguing that the KKK don't exist when you know they're an existent group that openly explain what they are and what they're about. Educate yourself a bit maybe?"

"Also back on the topic of these people being unable to read... The question of whether Alide and I are related or in a sexual relationship... has been vague and unclear from the beginning, it's sort of an intentional running gag that we don't actually know? So, somehow despite this, you seem to believe that we just suddenly decided we're not actually related anymore? Seriously, can you read? I'm legitimately starting to worry..."

"Lindsey being the villain of hard candy... I mean... the fact she's literally a psychotic killer in the story? Like whether or not you think Gina or Marcie are villains, Lindsey outright murdered one of the protagonists of the story... that makes her the villain... especially since up until then **** had been pretty much the only line not crossed by any of the characters... so, yes Lindsey was a villain, a villain with an understandable motive, which again is more than can be said for her in Unknown7's route, but still a villain. God, with this and your complete inability to understand any of the themes in Hard Candy it really is bringing me back to that question of whether you people can actually read..."

"If the alignments in what is supposed to be a note section aren't supposed to be taken seriously why the fuck are they there? Also are you saying that most of the characters aren't evil? Cause that was the major complaint that there were basically no good characters in this story and just reading about evil characters versus other evil characters isn't really all that enjoyable,"

"Also, in regards to the fire magic... Obviously it wouldn't work under water, but... Well Farsel you weren't underwater... You were just yourself soaked... So, depending on how the fire magic works that might or might not be a detriment. I didn't really complain though because well, yeah how the fire magic works isn't specified so... It could make sense or it could not,"

"Okay, obviously I didn't think they weren't going to be hot, but that was clearly not the point I was making, the point is that we don't have any idea what anyone in this story looks like beyond the most basic of descriptors..."

"No... It's not cucking if the three of you are in a mutually open relationship... That's just normal sex with a viewer... and I was making a joke in regards to Fred saying Cuck a lot... But like most things it appears to have gone over his head... Same with the comment about him firing blanks... Either he doesn't get it or he and his friends are just so insecure they needed to seriously address jokes about his sexual prowess?"

"The Amazon's were not mentioned twice..."

"the villainous group is made up of a matriarchal society (Dark Elves), a man hating all female race (Amazonians), a race of undead beings under the control of an effeminate male (King Marcus) and orcs (Orcs)..."

"Also I mean... They're human I guess, but given that a large portion of them have god lineage and they only give birth to female children and stuff which implies that they're reproductive system is different they might as well be considered their own race since they're pretty different from the standard human in this story"

"Also I forgot to mention this last time, but trailing Farsel behind the wagon punishes her, but it also means that the wagon can't go faster than she can reasonably walk so that's pretty stupid..."

"As for why we care about these things... Well... We exist in a meta state, we are aware of and knowledgeable about the world the voices come from and frankly we're also you know, technically characters being written by a woman who is concerned about her own safety and treatment in the real world and her concerns are therefore our concerns,"

"The idiot brigade are definitely correct that we take way too long to get to the actual reading..."

"Well if they didn't spout so much stupid shit we need to address first we wouldn't take so long!"

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

Oh wow... okay so this page starts with a **** that took place... entirely offscreen! Amazing... You know... Unknown7 if you don't want to actually write porn, you don't have too? Your story would not be any worse, or better, if you just removed all the sex. It's pretty clear you don't really have any interest in writing porn so just don't... unless this is actually just the best you can in regards to writing porn in which case... maybe just don't anyway?"

"And we have Antiope who is seemingly the stock evil advisor who's manipulating the puppet ruler, except seemingly the puppet ruler would have been an evil asshole anyway so... who cares,"

"I'm not sure how this plan of hers in regards to Alice works... The more awful things you do to Alice now, the less you can threaten when you try to ransom her later? Like it's in your best interests to keep her as unmolested and unharmed as possible so you can threaten to have her molested or harmed if her father doesn't do as you ask... and I mean I'm not saying it won't work even if you do do horrible stuff, but it'll work far better if he thinks he's going to save her from harm by doing so, as opposed to just saving her from further harm,"

"Taria seems relatively interesting actually. She's a fairly strong woman, she hasn't spoken at all so she hasn't been ruined by shitty dialogue and has some kind of connection to Antiope that we don't know yet, also why the 'S' brand is it just for **** or is there an actual meaning... well let's see if Unknown7 actually follows through or fucks it all up!"

"More extremely shitty whipping... Unknown7.. You're reading Tower Of Voices, we know you are, so... I have to ask... Did you at any point, read the scene of Yulia being whipped by the angel and think... Maybe I could write my whipping scenes just a tiny bit better? Normally I'd consider it narcissistic to hold up an example of TheLeherengin's writing as a positive example, but Comparing any writing to Unknown7's is an easy bar to clear,"

"You know... I hadn't really thought of it until this scene, but... I always assumed even Unknown7 couldn't be enjoying this writing sexually... I think I might be wrong though. As this whipping scene goes on the writing gets increasingly erratic with shit like 'Taria's body had body limp.' and my best guess is that Unknown's writing deteriorated cause she was getting hot and bothered writing this, I mean it's not like there aren't terrible mistakes like that elsewhere, but the frequency and rapid increase right during this moment just kind of screams, 'I need to finish this so I can masturbate to this glorious sexy scene' to me,"

"I thought I was above this sort of petty joke, but... 'its worked on everyone else' what's a 'worked on everyone else' and how does it own one?"

"Really? You're really going there?"

"This fucking story has drained me of all happiness, let me have this,"

"If it's unclear what Alide is 'so humorously' alluding to is they used the wrong form of its, in this case it's a contraction of it has so it should be it's, its with no apostrophe denotes possession... Which addmittedly is ass backwards since normally it's the with apostrophe version that does, but English is a stupid language and it's rules are arbitrary and WHY THE FUCK AM I GIVING A GRAMMAR LESSON RIGHT NOW?"

"It's more fun than commenting on the story?"

"It... It actually is... Oh god..."

"So... wait... Did Farsel actually think that would work? Like is she not aware that she's essentially Zuko, but not cool or sympathetic?"

"Also... It's kind of weird that apparently Sorvile was forward thinking enough to give a specific edict to the amazon's regarding Farsel... Or maybe it was a more general edict and the wording is just really weird here?"

"Also... So... Sara and Farsel are captured... Fred and Daenerys are literally just there inside the carriage as well, but... Nothing? Did the amazon's not bother to even check the carriage? Are Fred and Daenerys just in there chilling and The Amazon's just fucking left the carriage behind when they dragged Sara and Farsel away?"

"Also... yeah what Antiope said... How the fuck did Farsel not know her status long before now?"

"I'm being petty, but... 'You even gave me and my allies permission to kill you if it comes to it' Farsel why would you give Antiope permission to kill you, bad form... Also no question mark on the sentence right before, that was clearly a question..."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm so fucking tired..."

"OH MY FUCKING GOD THEY ACTUALLY WERE JUST LEFT IN THE CARRIAGE! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? Unknown7... No you don't get to have a scene where the logic is so fucking looney tunes that a group of Amazon guards, captured two people, didn't check the carriage those two people arrived in and then apparently just left the carriage likely in the middle of the road and claim that you care about realistic fucking outcomes... This is the most stupid fucking lapse of logic I've seen in any story on this fucking site..."

"Honestly... It's so ludicrous it's almost legitimately funny, like I could see a scenario where this could work as a legitimately funny scene. Just... Something like... Somebody attempts to smuggle people across a border, gets caught and arrested, but the smuggled people and the vehicle they were in were just left behind and the scene just lingers on them waiting, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened and what to do now, like they could just keep going probably... That would be pretty funny, but it's monty python funny. It's ludicrous and makes no sense and yet your claim is that you care about realistic outcomes... This isn't supposed to be absurdist humour, which seems like a shame... It seems like you'd be better at that..."

"Completely sexless sexual scene that could be hot, if Farsel and Sara weren't apparently replaced by blow up fuck dolls for this scene and actually had any sort of reaction to being groped and molested..."

"Also I guess the S does just mean Slavery... Okay, I mean fair enough... It was a vain hope that there might actually be some interesting meaning..."

"The scene of Sara being whipped literally reads like background NPC dialogue in an old videogame. 'you whip NPC Sara' 'NPC sara sobs' 'you whip NPC Sara' 'NPC Sara cries'"

"Minor point, but... Last we see Alice she's chained to the throne apparently, now she's just in a cell with Farsel... I mean... If you chain someone to a throne, it's normally because you intend to have them there... I mean yeah I can understand moving them to a cell later, but it just seems a bit of an abrupt shift especially since we're not given any idea of how much time has passed and it seems like it's almost directly after the throne scene... Again it's pretty minor... Just seems... weird"

"Also 'You like her so much, princess, she take care of her' this poor guard, or whoever is talking it's not indicated, seems to have a speech impediment of some kind,"

"Yeah it's called being written by Unknown7"

"So... we're being told Alice is basically the only good person in this entire fucking world... Cool... More of this please, kill Fred, make Alice the main character,"

"Yeah the juxtaposition between her and Farsel is actually interesting, with both being unable to understand the others point of view,"

"Farsel is also probably right... This entire world is written as pretty rotten to the core, so it's actually pretty likely Alice would be assassinated or deposed if she tried to end slavery as queen... Which honestly just makes her story even more interesting... Honestly... Pretty much all of these characters are way more interesting than Fred, he's just some random douchebag who gets everything he wants because his writer can't write for shit..."

"Wait... OKAY! TARIA KNOWS HER SECRET BACKSTORY? She knows all of this... I can't tell if that's more or less interesting, but... If nothing else it's certainly surprising... also she has a pretty generic Ares Demigod power, but nothing wrong with that. It's pretty cool..."

"I'm even willing to give Unknown7 a treat for actually writing something pretty okay and ignore all Taria's grammatical errors and writing them off as she hasn't gotten to talk much and so probably isn't great at it,"

"Oh no... The next chapter involves Fred and daenerys again... GO AWAY WE DON'T WANT YOU IN THIS STORY YOU SUCK AND YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH!"

"First line of the next post has a grammar mistake... They actually seem to be becoming more common..."

"Yep there's another one literally in the next line and then three lines after that... Well actually technically the exact next line has 'Then she noticed that Farsel's eyes were open.' which I mean I don't actually know off the top of my head, but I feel like a sentence shouldn't begin with the word then... it's like beginning a sentence with and"

"So, Alice is super horny for Taria and wants to suck on her Magnificent breasts... Normally I'd be rooting for that. It sounds fun, but... I imagine it would be as lacking in any kind of actual sexiness as anything else in this..."

"Ooh! I bet I could write exactly how that scene would go!"

"Go ahead"

"Here goes 'Alice sucked on Taria's breast,' 'Taria moaned' did I do it"

"Probably..."

"Fred and Daenerys just started killing and of course it's working... They head to the mines for reasons that do actually make sense, but I don't feel like the reasoning is justified... Fred just doesn't seem like the kind to actually think tactically like that... I also don't see him being actually smart enough to not attack the palace directly... Although I'm also still not convinced that Daenerys couldn't just wipe out the entire country on her own... The point is... While the story gives a good reason, the actual reason is clearly, plot convenience anyway"

"Yeah... There's a weird thing where Fred seems to just know whatever the reader would know and I'd say it's just plot convenience and more bad writing, but there's a part of me that hopes it's something more... I dunno why I have any hope at all, but I could see a very interesting story here happening behind the scenes, but I doubt such a thing is true... It's probably just bad writing..."

"I mean... While Fred isn't wrong that the addition of Taria with her demi-god power probably will be enough, I find it funny he says the four of us, like Sara actually contributes anything to anything ever..."

"'Dammit, send the futas' is just a funny line,"

"Fred isn't into Futas... You know that's weirdly surprising to me and yet I don't know why it would be?"

"I'd give a science lesson about why testicles are so much more **** to blunt impact and vaginas aren't, even the clit is less likely to be as extremely painful as blunt impact to the testicles, though more painful than blunt impact to the vagina itself, but frankly... I'm sure you could find the answer easily... The simple answer is.. blunt impact easily disperses through the body, it's why rolling with the punches is a thing... The unique situation of the testicles, however makes it so that they are basically unable to disperse any of the impact and it's more like you just slammed them directly against another hard object by hitting them with a hard object, Again that's a very simple answer and there's... things wrong with it, but I imagine it will give most of you the general idea..."

"It also should be noted, that literally none of these supposed trained warriors ever protect their genitals, I literally cannot stand that Unknown7 prides herself on supposedly realistic outcomes when she literally has a character who is an untrained moron dominating supposedly powerful and trained people by just aiming for the genitals..."

"Also... So if this statue's arms are simply a grafted on sword and shield... What did she punch Fred into a wall with? I would assume the sword in which case I guess he was basically clubbed in the stomach and launched across the room... He should probably be dead or have a broken spine or at least gasping for breath if we don't want to go that realistic, but again despite everything... Nothing actually seems to faze anyone in this story despite all the supposedly debilitating cunt punches..."

"Normally I'd be on Sara's side that they defeated Antiope there's no reason to risk anything on a duel now, but frankly... Antiope and Taria are probably going to be the only satisfying fight in this entire story... Although I'm probably getting my hopes up anyway..."

"Yep not satisfying at all... especially with the ending of the fight... So much for Taria being the better person... Also... Just... Gross... Well Taria's ruined... Onwards... Let's see how long until we ruin Alice who at this point is now the only character I'm at all rooting for..."

"Also why is Fred king of The Amazons now... Shouldn't Taria be queen of the Amazons now? I mean she could still work for Fred, but why the hell is he made the ruler?"

"OH WOW IT DID NOT TAKE TIME AT ALL FOR ALICE TO BE RUINED! Like damn that was a record. 'hello my name is Alice, I am the only person in this story with a moral compass and standards... Wait nevermind... This guy who is a huge asshole and just like everyone else I hate isn't also a pedophile... swoon' fucking kill me..."

"This story literally has no one to root for... Fred sucks, but literally everyone in the world sucks... Him being... Supposedly less sucky than everyone else doesn't make him likeable... and everything that seems likeable is immediately ruined by either terrible writing or Fred's aura of awfulness..."

"Is... Is Fred a Mary Sue? Like it hadn't occurred to me until now, because he's such a terrible character in so many other ways, but... Well... I think Unknown7 said it best when talking about Marcie... Nothing he does should work, but it always does, he is reprehensible yet most of the characters like him anyway despite him doing nothing to deserve it... Although again... whether we agree with Unknown7's take on Marcie or not... At least Marcie was interesting..."

"The next chapter is just the worst orgy ever put to page and that includes orgies that ended in everyone involved being eviscerated in horrifying detail,"

"I will say that apparently there's a new character who just snuck into the orgy since apparently there's now a Tania who's referred to repeatedly during the orgy..."

"I'm going to clarify that we are aware this is a repeated misspelling of Taria's name... If we didn't clarify that The Idiot Brigade would probably assume we actually just didn't know..."

"Oh more punishment for Antiope... Let's see how this goes..."

"Whipping... Quelle surprise... As for the rest... Don't care except jesus christ... This potion is powerful... It can remove divinity, make someone incapable of even learning new skills, make someone unaging as well as de-age them and it makes them grow a uselessly tiny dick... You could have at least made it multiple potions to make it less ridiculous..."

"What's the point of having the overseers not recognize her... She lost, why would anyone care who she was now? It would be more cathartic if they did know and just didn't care... This is stupid... Unknown7 can't even write a cathartic villain comeuppance properly,"

"Fred admits that he's having slaves still work in the mines under threat of whipping because it's hot and neither Alice nor Taria have any complaint... Yep..."

"If I didn't already know that Unknown7 can't write anything interesting, I'd say King Marcus sounds like an interesting villain actually. Immortal mage with an army of zombie robots... Hell The Leherengin once wrote a villain who was a necromancer who had automatons made out of ivory and gold plated steel and powered by the souls of dead children... I imagine him and Marcus would get along well... Also yes he was intended to be a complete fucking monster of a character,"

"and then suddenly zombies attacked... It's all so terrible that it's sometimes... very occasionally, so bad it's good... It's like 'and then John was a zombie' level good. In all seriousness though... Did Amazonia not have anyone watching who you know... could warn of an impending attack, or was the army of actual zombies too fucking sneaky to be spotted as they approached..."

"Everyone in this world is not just evil, but stupid and tactics aren't a thing that exist in this world either..."

"So... Marcus's backstory is... interesting, but as I understand it it's not original for the most part, so no praise to Unknown7 for it... I do have to point out... They said Marcus' father was executed when Isabel took over, So... He's dead... but then Marcus kills everyone and takes over and imprisons his already dead father... Who was not listed in the list of people he brought back to life either, I made sure... So... Yeah his father was executed by his sister, but was also still alive to be imprisoned by Marcus... Okay then..."

"The next post is an undead woman **** her undead daughter... It's not just not sexy, it's not even the kind of strange or disturbing one would expect... The scene is so fucking poorly handled, it might as well be two completely unrelated, normal living people in a BDSM relationship..."

"'we don't have any better plan than storm the castle,' I mean it's not like any of you even really tried to come up with a better plan... It's not like it matters... A suicidal frontal attack with what... the group and several amazons was it, yeah it's going to succeed perfectly, because of course it is... I bet Marcus also won't have anyone watching for attack either, because logistics? Tactics? Are those edible?"

"And yep... Literally the next fucking chapter they fight their way through the zombies with ease, kill Marcus' uncle with ease and just run through some robot laser spiders... with you guessed it... ease... Now they're inside the castle..."

"Okay... So, Fred knows it's not a dream now and... Nothing changes... Also Taria just outright forgives him for **** people and Fred forgives himself... and we know from the Idiot Brigades response that apparently Farsel will also forgive him for **** her... While also insulting us for trivializing her being **** apparently... Fuck I hate this story..."

"Even seeing Fred get hit in the balls isn't satisfying... Especially since he reacts like a fly landed on him... Also why did he need to take off his gauntlets to punch Marcus in the balls? Wouldn't it be more effective with the gauntlets on... Also given how 'NO HOMO' Fred is you'd think he'd want to keep the gauntlets on so he wouldn't have to touch Marcus' balls with his bare hands..."

"and Marcus is a woman and now an ally cause sympathetic backstory... except not really cause the whole scene is so rushed that no one even really acknowledges Marcus's backstory except an offside comment from Taria... Oh also... Unknown7 can you decide whether or not you consider Fred a hero or not? You mocked the idea of Marcie and Gina referring to them as heroes, but the next chapter is called The Incubus Hero route and the idea that he's some kind of idiot anti-hero seems to be your go to, so make up your fucking mind,"

"Also this incubus thing is so stupid... He's just... an incubus now... That's it... I hate this..."

"Also I commented earlier about how we don't know how magic works in this world and so we can't complain about it, but now apparently Fred has just learned magic and we still have no idea how magic works so, I'm gonna complain about that. Figure out a fucking magic system if you're going to have your main character just suddenly learn magic..."

"Also in case you're about to make the complaint... The magic system in Tower of Voices is in fact properly defined and questions asked about it will be answered, in fact Yulia;'s system of magic is fully defined and is a different system than the one used by denizens of the tower itself which is also fully defined, the method through which Yulia learns new magic is essentially just a rapidly sped up version of her normal magic training she'd have undergone in her own world and the side effect of the increased training rate is that if she's unfamiliar with the type of magic she needs actual practical experience with the magic to actually master it, boom. The Leherengin actually knows how to worldbuild, unlike certain people who will remain Unknown... 7"

"Cool... Dark Elf religion is as fucked up and unfair as everything else in this world... Anyone surprised? Also so many fucking grammar and missing word mistakes in this one I legitimately don't understand some of what was written. 'Originally Lesi tied on the cross. I didn't actually see it' what the fuck is that line supposed to mean?"

"Oh look... A problem that wouldn't be happening if they had just done the smart thing and made Taria queen instead of making Fred king for some stupid reason,"

"Referring to the apparent revolution happening in Amazonia because some of the Amazons are mad about having a male ruler,"

"Well I'm tired and I feel like we got a lot done, but that might just be because this story sucks at pacing and everything happens insanely fast... Who knows... I guess we'll see you next time..."

"Bye..."