Confessions Part II

“Baby.”

It’s all you could audibly say upon seeing her scores. What you’re saying in your head isn’t as succinct.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this-you-monster-she-should-just-live-with-her-mom-you-shitty-piece-of-shit-you-should-burn-in-hell-for-this-you-stupid-piece-of-shit-no-god-no-god-please-no-no-nooooooooooooo—

“Daddy.” Stella says, before running towards you for a hug, but she stumbles and falls into your arms. She gathers herself and stands up properly, and goes back to hugging you. You wished she didn’t call you ‘Daddy’. You’re going to start thinking with your dick again if she starts calling you that. She’s only ever really called you that when she was acting cute and wanted something… ‘God, don’t read into that’ you tell yourself.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this-you-monster-she-should-just-live-with-her-mom-you-shitty-piece-of-shit-you-should-burn-in-hell-for-this-you-stupid-piece-of-shit—

“This is my fault.” You say under your breath, but since Stella’s head is resting on your chest, she heard what you said.

“This isn’t your fault Daddy.” she assures you.

“No. It is. I did something horrible last night that caused this.” you admit to her.

“I’ve been having these feelings since your date with Cassie, Daddy. Whatever you did last night, has nothing to do with this.” Stella admits.

“WHAT?” you react in shock. You push her away to look into her eyes, to see if she’s serious about what she said.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this-you-monster-she-should-just-live-with-her-mom-you-shitty-piece-of-shit-you-should-burn-in-hell-for-this—

“I watched you and Cassie have sex that night, and… couldn’t help playing with myself.” Stella reveals to you in shame, and everything begins to connect in your head. The house rules, the not wanting to see her scores… the wet spot in the hallway!

“You’ve been struggling with this the whole week?” you ask her.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this-you-monster-she-should-just-live-with-her-mom-you-shitty-piece-of-shit—

“Yeah, but it was only after last night that I thought I don’t need to **** myself anymore. If I want to be with you, I should at least try.” she admits. Then this is your fault. “Oh!” Stella suddenly reacts. “What did you do last night? It’s connected isn’t it?” she asks, figuring it out herself.

You know there’s nowhere to run anymore. Not telling her the truth would lead to nowhere good. The irony of not telling Cassie what you were buying last night is not lost on you. What would have happened if you just told Cassie you wanted to make **** normal? Would she have foreseen this happening? Would she have stopped you? None of the answers to those questions really matter now, because...

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this-you-monster-she-should-just-live-with-her-mom-you-shitty-piece-of-shit—

“I bought a trait called ‘Normalized ****’ last night.” you reveal to Stella. She has visible shock on her face, mouth open and eyes wide, as she hears this revelation from you. “I fucked up, baby. I bought that trait because of Celeste, and without thinking of all the possible consequences —” before you can continue your apology, Stella kisses you. On the lips. Both her hands on your cheeks.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this-you-monster-she-should-just-live-with-her-mom—

She lets you go from the kiss and starts to laugh. Hard. She even begins to tear up. Fuck. You broke your daughter. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“You didn’t fuck up Dad! You freed me!” Stella shouts.

“What?” you instinctually reply out of confusion.

“Don’t you get it!? You freed me from years of therapy! You freed me from torturing myself! You freed me from torturing you and Cassie! You made me free to… to… to FEEL! To accept my love for you and desire for you as nothing wrong!” she shouts in pure glee.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this-you-monster—

“Baby, that’s why I fucked up. You shouldn’t feel this way. It’s wrong.” You try to explain to her.

“No, Dad! I know you don’t believe that! Why would you buy that trait if you thought it was so wrong?” she asks you, and you answer her without really thinking, but with utmost honesty, “BECAUSE I WAS THINKING WITH MY DICK! OKAY!?” you shouted out of frustration and guilt.

“THEN THANK GOD FOR YOUR DICK!” Stella shouts back, matching your energy.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father-how-dare-you-make-your-daughter-feel-like-this—

Stella starts laughing again. Probably aware how fucked up and ridiculous her response was. Still, your daughter’s laughter is contagious. You can’t help yourself but laugh too. How stupid is this situation right now? Your daughter thinks you freed her from an emotional and mental breakdown, by making the world think it’s okay for her to be attracted to you. If you think about it, wouldn’t it have been worse if Cassie did stop you from buying it?

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad-and-horrible-father—

You mentally slap yourself. She’s still your daughter, you piece of shit. Get it together.

“Stella, I’m glad you’re happy. I’m happy that you don’t have to go through the pain and confusion you were going through… but nothing can happen here.” you tell her, hoping to let her down gently and as early as possible.

“Daddy.” she moans, actually crying this time. “No. Please. Don’t say that.” she pleads with you.

“You’re my daughter Stella. I may have been able to alter your perception of this, but I didn’t alter mine. That’s why I was stupid to have bought that trait when I didn’t fully want all of its effects.” you explain to her.

“What about Cassie, then? Didn’t you think of her as your daughter too!? Is it just because she’s not related to you that’s why you thought it was fine? What about Aunt Celeste? Just because she’s a few sperm cells removed from you it’s not as impossible for you to accept that idea anymore? Do you have, like, an **** tier list that makes you think one relationship is grosser than the other?” she starts to question you.

You can’t answer her, because of course you can’t. You’re not the one who made the morality rules about ****. You’re just the dumb idiot that removed them for everyone around you except for yourself. You haven’t thought about it in a week, but jumping into the alley from the fire escape sounds really tempting right now.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit-dad—

Would you really be willing to do that? Leave your daughter alone so you can run away from the consequences of your own actions? Leave two women across the hall who are probably trying their best to figure out how best to approach a relationship with the same person at the same time? The argument you made with yourself earlier about Celeste comes rushing back—

“Lastly, if Celeste does want to fucking bang you after flirting with her, who ends up getting hurt? Society? Your family? How could it, if they accept that it’s perfectly fine?”

You look at Stella with different eyes for the first time. You look at her extremely short dress that, as a father, you really cannot accept how short it is; but you have to admit, is extremely sexy on her. You’re reminded of the black lace panties she’s wearing underneath it. You’re reminded of the gym outfits she wore before. You look at her body, her tits, and lastly, her face. She’s incredibly gorgeous and undoubtably sexy.

Of course, you’ve known that for a while, it’s probably why you notice when she shows off too much skin; but you’d like to think you just accepted that as a fact of life and not as a temptation. You don’t know what suddenly changed to make you actually remove that lens, but… are you really considering this?

Stella takes her hand and gently caresses your cheek. “I want this Daddy.” she tells you, almost pleading with you to give her what she wants. “I want to make you happy too. The way you’ve made me happy over the years. The way you keep making me happy. How you make Cassie happy. How you’ll make Tanya happy. Let me do that for you. Let me make you happy.”

She kisses you on the lips again. Slow and passionate. “Please.” she begs you, before going for another kiss.

You’re-a-piece-of-shit—

You return the kiss.