Bastard

“What, you think your daddy was the only Immortal?”

You bite down on the urge to spin around and deck the half giant (of course at this point that’s your immediate reaction to the sight of his scarred smirk). Instead you decide to pump him for information. “Immortal?”

“Well, not really Bubba, but they might as well be. You remember how Chaos Cunt told you ‘bout belief makin’ the world go round? Well the MacGuffin works the same way. The more people that love ya the more power ya have. It manifests differently for everyone, but for example your daddy got a big boost in the late ‘70s from that Boney M song. And the people really loved Jeanie. Or Joan as they call her now. So the Multiplier kinda just kept her going. That’s why Elvis works at that Burger King in Cleveland along with Cain.”

“Cain. As in ‘and Able’?”

“Yeah, he’s kinda a special case. He got sorta deified sometime around when the Jews were in the whole Egyptian captivity thing. The Typhon-Set myth invaded their theology and so the Kinslayer happened. It shows up all over the place. I mean seriously? The Christians think their god was the first one to die on a tree? Gilgamesh did it first. Odin stayed up there even longer and he survived it. Of course Jehovah’s kid is really Gilgamesh and Odin’s Santa Claus now because humans are fucked in the head.”

You turn to look at the redheaded brute. He looks a little different from how you recall. His beard is shorter and his features seem somewhat softer. “You’re being unusually loquacious.”

“Hey, I was rough on ya at first.” His voice seems... higher pitched, maybe softer. “We got off on the wrong foot and that was entirely my fault, so...”

As you watch his face and form shift. His beard and mustache shrink away to nothing, his greasy hair gains luster and body, changing from warrior plaits to luscious ringlets. His thin lips, while still scarred, grow fuller and more lush and sensuous. The rugged harsh jawline softens and grows more delicate to match the rising and sharpening cheekbones. The brutish musculature shifts and melts into soft curves and full breasts, hair melting away from his... her chest and being replaced by large dark areolae and hardened nipples. He... she is beautiful.

“I want to apologize...”