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Chapter 36 by fyreant fyreant

What's next?

You keep your suspicions to yourself for now and discuss your problems with Raven Woman

You think hard for a moment. There is a veritable mountain of evidence that Raven Woman is hip-deep in some kind of wrongdoing. The ex-supervillain bodyguard from the program RW oversees, the mob boss Cornelio Vida who was a shadowy avian demon in disguise and spoke of his 'mistress', the presence of a teenage girl with pallid skin suspiciously similar to Raven Woman's who said demon was watching over, the suspiciously generous favors that she was doing for Queen of Spades' children after you defeated and arrested them, the demons guarding that magical midget guy who has latched onto Red Balloon... the list goes on. But isn't it a bit too obvious? With her incredible magical might, if Raven Woman really wanted to cover up some kind of perverse ****/**** scheme, she could've done a much better job. Maybe someone else is trying to frame her. And if she is going around committing crimes, recruiting and/or manipulating and/or sleeping with supervillains, and striking faustian bargains, she clearly isn't worried about being found out.

Yes, you decide, confronting her about it wouldn't do any good. What if she really is surprised that she has been found out? You saw her in action once on TV while you were a kid, during one of the rare instances when she directly intervened. She was up against a 30 foot tall walking tank with armor made out of biphase carbide that shrugged off Maiden America's heat vision and threw the great American heroine through a skyscraper. Raven Woman utterly demolished the evil machine in less than a minute. Normally you feel like you have a good chance of taking on opponents whose flashy superpowers make them overconfident by using clever tactics, but you have no illusions about the balance of power here; disposing of you would be as easy for her as crushing an eggshell.

"Ugh!" Red Balloon pouts, something she has been doing a lot of lately. "You know, we just had to waste about an hour of our time babysitting some stupid little girl who thought she was Maiden America's nemesis because of what chaos this 'League' is in right now? Us, the most anticipated new super-team in the English-speaking world? Can't you at least use that supposedly amazing magic of yours to fix the holding cells? Didn't bringing captured supervillains into unsecured areas of the base lead to one of Petite Mort's inventions being stolen and almost used to kill thousands with a psychic attack, like, a couple of months ago?"

"I can't repair the base. That would be against union regulations. Registered superheroes aren't allowed to perform any services that our civilian employees are capable of doing. The only reason Green Streak gets away with his costume-tailoring hobby is because of a loophole for secret identity concerns." Raven Woman says calmly. "Also, more importantly, I could not care less what you have to say, Red Balloon. Please pinch that public-relations-ass-kissing-device you call a mouth closed and keep it shut until you are out of my earshot. The grown-ups are talking."

For once, you are put in the position of being the cooler head. You laugh nervously and put a hand on Red Balloon's shoulder as she visibly deflates. "Now now, R.B., I'm sure Raven Woman is just giving you a little friendly hazing. But we do have some problems. The bureaucrats told me that you're in charge of the 'spinoff program' for giving early release to captured supervillains in exchange for getting them to use their talents for the public good, right? I have some bad news. Several of them have been getting up to their old tricks. Not sure if you were aware but 'The Melter', the guy who shoots clothing-melting heat beams from his dong, was working for an evil alien posing as a mob boss when he was caught, and then, three members of the 'Full House' gang got released, I dunno, six or seven weeks ago? Queen of Hearts mentioned them when I was fighting her earlier, saying they had been her minions. Don't you think they might've had something to do with this HQ invasion disaster?"

"Ah. Good intel gathering, Thunderbird. I'll see to it that some detective-type heroes are set to investigate." Raven woman says, inspecting her black-painted fingernails. "Not that I don't trust your skills but you've got your hands full running a new super-team and rescuing Dr. Rainbow before Hot-Cross Bunny auctions her off as a sex ****. I can only imagine the disappointment of the wealthy ephebophile who buys her as his personal Japanese onahole when he learns she's pushing 30." Raven Woman pauses for a moment and puts a finger to her lips. "Sorry, that was a pretty uncouth and politically-incorrect thing for me to say, wasn't it? Correction, 'as his or her personal 2nd-generation Japanese-American onahole, when he or she learns et cetera.'."

Sighing internally, you don't have the energy at the moment to be enraged or offended. You've had to deal with so many supes who turn out to be complete assholes when you meet them in person that you're starting to become numb to it. "I'm not going to let anything like that happen to her. But since you're offering to do me favors, I do actually have a bit too much to deal with right now. Just a few minutes ago, me and Snowflake got served with cease-and-desist orders saying that we can't use the titles that the League of Propriety has us officially registered under. I have no idea how they found out so fast," you flick your eyes in Red Balloon's direction none too subtly, "or why it should even matter, since this other so-called 'Thunderbird' is active in New Mexico, hundreds and hundreds of miles away. And this 'Princess Snowflake' is on another continent. Can't you have our lawyers tell them to back off?"

"There are some dark arts that even I tread lightly around. Trademark law is one of them." Raven woman says direly, gracefully arising to her feet. "I'm kidding, of course. I just don't want to deal with the paperwork. But another friend of mine in the Big 7 sometimes helps me with minor intra-hero disputes. A simple P.R. gesture to smooth things over. Having to do with certain perks the League can offer to backers, benfactors, et alia. You have actually important things to worry about. I am actually deeply offended that these d-list types are presuming to tell one of my most valuable heroines, and one moderately valuable hero of no particular gender, what they can or cannot do." When she claims to be offended, Raven Woman's voice departs from her usual mumbling monotone for the first time, making you flinch in surprise.

She goes back to her normal tone to continue. "Mood Ring will give them a pat on the head and send them on their way, and if I need to have words with their lawyers, fine, whatever." It might be a trick of the light, but you think you see a hint of a smile on her lips for the first time since you came here.

You cock your head to the side. Maybe this is an innocent offer, maybe it isn't. If not, well, the only way you can figure out what she's up to and why is if she makes a move. Perhaps you'll do some snooping later on and see. "...Sure seems like you're doing me a pretty big favor, going out of your way and even leaning on someone else so high up. Does it came with any strings attached? Ha, ha?" you expertly deploy the 'laugh in the form of a question', the 'maybe I'm joking, but not really'. laugh.

"No. No strings attached, Thunderbird. I'm offering to help because.... I love you." Raven Woman says, a sarcastic edge creeping into her monotone voice.

You roll your eyes melodramatically. "Fine, I was asking for that one. Thanks all the same. But there is something else. The main reason I'm here?"

What's next?

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