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Chapter 35 by fyreant fyreant

So who are you going to meet? And what will become of that disguised janitor you left in charge of the villainess? He's trustworthy right?

You visit Raven Woman, who is currently in charge of the League of Propriety. She's a big time weirdo, naturally.

As you're walking to the elevator leading down into the League HQ's basement, you suddenly find yourself thinking about actually doing what you had been teasing that lunkhead Mine Shaft about. Damn it... this always happens. Every time you're in the middle of something really important, such as, say, rescuing your innocent partner from a group of the most ruthless, depraved villains on earth, the stress makes you start dwelling on how long it's been since you got laid. You try and focus on Dr. Rainbow instead... and that just conjures up fond memories of how cute she looked eating you out while simultaneously getting railed by a mobster. Taking a deep breath, you know that trying to just put it out of your mind is futile, so instead you focus on how you might get cornered while storming Hot-Cross Bunny's hidden base, and-

'God damn it', you catch yourself, 'did I seriously just look forward to being assaulted again? What is wrong with me? Why do I think these things??'

"Um," Red Balloon clears her throat, a sound like a mouse **** on a sunflower seed. "Thunderbird... maybe I should apologize for judg-"

"No. Nope. None of that." you wave a hand at the obnoxious weather-controller. "Don't turn my casual joke into some kind of serious conversation, now. You stay on your brand, I'll stay on mine, and Snowflake can stay on Snowflake's. Considering where we're going I give you full authorization to be as annoying as you want for the next 15 minutes."

A door slides open, and you walk into the same grim, shadowy concrete vault where Red Balloon encountered that magical leprechaun asshole. "Hey, wait," she asks tepidly. "Is this where...?"

"Yeah," you nod, "it's the room where you blasted apart all of those demons. Oops, I mean 'mortally-challenged guest workers'. We're here to meet their boss." You knock on another, smaller door. Rather than the steel blast doors that access most rooms, this one is made of oak and covered in beautiful scrollwork. "Enter." a flat voice says from within.

You push the door open... and, moments later, Red Balloon gasps and recoils when she sees a big-screen television at the other end. "Oh, c'mon, Balloon," you say with a roll of your eyes. "It isn't even hardcore pornography. Er, so far." On the screen, a muscle-bound, shaven-headed hunk of a man is holding a voluptuous platinum blonde superheroine in a close embrace, kissing her aggressively and squeezing her exposed bottom with one hand, while her hands are busy undoing his shirt buttons.

Across the room, a pair of gold-colored stiletto heels are resting casually on the mahogany desk in the middle of the room as Raven Woman sits in a lackadaisical slouch that puts you more in mind of an indolent 21 year old intern, rather than possibly the most powerful (and certainly the most feared) superheroine in the world.

Although her skin is an excessively pale, chalky white, no one can say that Raven Woman has not aged gracefully over her 25 years in the League of Propriety. Actually, come to think of it, there are few signs she's aged at all. Her figure has the kind of measurements that would've earned her fame and fortune even if she had no powers at all. Unlike the formal clothes she had on at the rally when you first met her, she is now wearing her typical outfit: a form-fitting black leotard that hugs her navel and her melon-sized breasts like it was painted on while showing off the curve of her hips. Compared to Maiden America, who, though not quite 'musclebound', has a very fit physique with a visible six-pack, Raven Woman looks perfectly soft and feminine... except when she's hefting a massive 120 pound steel cleaver that looks like it was sized for somebody 50 feet tall. Her favorite intimidating weapon is resting at the desk's side. The hood is down on her gilded purple cloak and her expression is hidden behind the feathered black half-helmet she's wearing.

Right now, she is lazily swiveling back and forth at her chair, only halfway watching the frisky superheroine and her beau on the screen. "Oh yes, I know." she says confidently. At first you think she is talking to you, but when she turns her head you see she has a cell phone in her hand. "Why would I come when she isn't there? That defeats the whole point. I just-" she rolls her eyes and sighs. "This isn't a discussion. Just stop talking. I have a situation here at work, you know? And other situations. I'm the queen of situations right now. I'll call you back later, alright?" She clicks the off button and then lobs the phone carelessly over her shoulder. A little hand reaches out of the shadows, catches it, and places it gently atop a cabinet.

"Hi Thunderbird. I'm really glad you came." she speaks in such a flat way that it's impossible to tell if she is being sarcastic. Honestly, you know almost nothing about her. Nobody does. Practically every other hero is constantly engaged in a struggle for the spotlight, but she stays out of it as much as she can. She's become a legend for pointedly ignoring (or snarking at) the press and the public... Of course, that just makes her seem 'mysterious', so she is ridiculously popular anyway.

Raven Woman grabs a remote and pauses the movie just as the heroine starts unbuckling the man's belt. She gazes into your eyes as she speaks. "Even though it's difficult sometimes, there is nothing more important than family. Wouldn't you agree?"

The note you hastily stuffed in a pocket on your utility belt burns in your mind. 'What the hell?' you wonder. 'Is she implying something?' You smile tensely. "Not to speak out of turn, Raven Woman, but don't you think all the heroes outside could use some of your godly arcane powers? Y'know, on account of the bad guys running wild?"

"Godly? Hm. Not quite the wording I would have chosen." she says, her lips betraying no emotion. "I have assumed command of the League of Propriety. Maiden America is away dealing with a crisis in another part of the country. My place is here, keeping the headquarters safe and providing leadership to all you selfless heroes."

Red Balloon's screechy voice breaks in as she steps in front of you. "You're locked in the basement watching porn movies!"

Raven Woman languidly picks up a styrofoam cup of soda from her desk and takes a long sip through the straw. "I have a very delegatory leadership style." She sips her drink again. "I was also eating a kebab. Beast Beauty makes great food, you should know. She says that the secret is having first-hand experience as all of the animals you're cooking. I think I have some left over if you want any." She glances over her shoulder. "Oh. Actually... no. The help got to the leftovers already." she shrugs.

"Anyway, I haven't found Dr. Rainbow's whereabouts yet. She sure gets captured a lot, doesn't she? You should get that girl a weapon. She can heal any injury, right? I would have her start carrying a flamethrower, or a crossbow or something. You're allowed to maim as many bad guys as you want as long as they live through it."

"I'll, uh, take that into consideration." you say, gritting your teeth. Damn it, there is so much suspicious about this 'heroine', and she's not making the slightest effort to hide it. Should you press her for more answers on the many obvious questions you have, or just ask about Green Streak's intel on the Wonderland Warriors?

What's next?

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