John’s Reunion

The return to John's world usually brought him such peace and serenity. Even at a subconscious level, it had always been his respite. But after what had happened that day, John was just grateful for the quiet that surrounded him as they returned. He no longer felt as safe as he once did, his sanctum was no longer secure. Silence was its only blessing.

Neither Lerianna nor Vallya said anything to him as they arrived. Vallya hovered away sadly, floating over the lake with Kiko on her shoulder looking distraught. Lerianna looked like she wanted to say something to John, but her eyes fell upon the ashes of their home - still smoldering, still releasing a cloud of black smoke into limitless sky - and she quickly closed her mouth, stumbling off toward the forest. John turned toward the house himself, expecting to be overwhelmed. John expected the idea of rebuilding his house, his home, on top of everything else to crush him under the weight of his loss.

He was surprised, and almost a bit relieved, to find that he was simply too numb to feel any more sorrow. Finding Seras, the fight, the ****, the farewell to Moira… it had drained every ounce of feeling from him. He felt like a hollow shell, and a tired one at that. John walked over to the lake and sat there until his Twin-Soul Resonance wore off, and Sophia appeared beside him in a glimmering pillar of light.

Like the others, Sophia said almost nothing. But instead of wandering off, she curled up closer to John. She draped herself over him, even folded her wings over his back and chest, warming him with the body heat he had come to expect after so many nights spent in her embrace. The feeling of her soft feathers brushing over his neck and cheeks brought the slightest smile to his face, but only made him feel guilty when they began to grow damp and cold with the tears he had not realized were falling down his face.

They sat like that for a long while. John lost track of time, and he might have sat there for an eternity if he could, mind mercifully blank. But at last the peace was broken when John heard something that was enough to cut through his melancholy. The sound of a Neko hissing in the distance.

The hairs on John's neck stood up as he whirled. The sound was so aggressive and hostile, he wondered for a moment if the Albidians had left someone in his world to attack them - it was something he'd been afraid of, but until now hadn't actually suspected. But when he rushed toward the sound, John was relieved and depressed to find that it was not a foreign assailant, but rather Vallya who had caused the disturbance.

Mithra was on all fours, hissing and spitting as she backed away from what she apparently perceived as a threat - that threat being Vallya, who was otherwise hovering innocently a few feet away from the very agitated Neko. John glanced between them for a moment, wondering if Vallya had done something… but Mithra seemed enraged by Vallya's very presence.

"Vallya, what is going on here?" John asked, glancing between the two of them. At the sound of his voice Mithra turned her head toward him, hissing even more furiously as she continued to retreat. Maera tried to console her twin sister, but Mithra was too upset to pay any attention to her twin; she continued to back away from both John and Vallya, actually forcing Maera to the ground as she backed away on all fours, presenting her claws and baring her fangs in a threatening manner.

"I'm sorry, John… I was trying my hand at undoing whatever has been done to Mithra. I wanted to restore her mind and memories to give you something to celebrate instead of mourn… but whatever was done to her has accomplished more than simply concealing her previous memories. It's as though they don't exist at all."

John stared into Mithra's eyes for a long while, contemplating what he seemed to see within the Neko's irises. She was alert, agitated, and worn… but somehow, John couldn't stop seeing her from how she used to be. The leisurely, almost lazy Neko who had often chosen to stay sunbathing and enjoy the comforts of his realm rather than follow her own sister into dangerous Barriers.

"Maera, what has Mithra been like since she came back?" John asked hesitantly, casting his eyes toward the armor-clad sister.

"Not good, Myaster… not good at all," Maera howled, in a tone that was half-mourning and half-anger. "She doesn't recognize the kittens… doesn't even recognize Myaera! She only knows smell, and only a little at that… can barely get Myaster's children near her, not enough to feed, not enough to sustain, only enough to touch her and then she runs away… only Myaera can get close to her…"

Maera mewled in a pleading tone that would've broken John's heart were he not already so distraught. Instead he was so focused on Mithra's retreating figure that he barely heard her pleas until he was within an arm's reach of Mithra. She hissed furiously at him, batting her paws furiously as he approached, claws bared and fangs hardly concealed as she tried to lean further and further away from him.

"She doesn't even recognize the kittens?" John asked, voice breaking slightly as he realized the full extent of the damage done. It seemed like she still trusted Maera to some extent… even if she didn't fully recognize her… but the idea of her forgetting her own children, abandoning them and not even trusting their presence?

"No, Myaster… it's like she forgot everything about this place. I think she only trusts me because I smell almost exactly like her…"

In spite of her level tone, John suspected the only reason Maera wasn't in a full-blown panic was because Mithra at least grudgingly trusted her. He could scarcely imagine how the Neko might have reacted if her own twin came back to their private world while refusing to be around her…

"Maera… just let me talk to her for a minute. I'm… I'm going to try something."

John's words were even more uncertain than he felt, having no idea what he intended to do. Even Maera seemed to feel the unease in John's voice, but she said nothing while slowly pulling herself away from her twin sister. Mithra didn't cling to her, but seemed to grow nervous as it became clear that Maera was pulling away while John slowly approached.

"Mithra… hey, Mithra. It's me," John whispered, getting down on his hands and knees to approach her. She still backed away just as fast as he crawled toward her - sometimes faster. He kept it up for a while, but after the Neko had crawled over ten yards just to get away from him, John realized she wasn't going to give it up. Whatever had traumatized the poor Neko, she was talking even less than normal, and if Maera was right… her memories were gone. John had already suspected that, but if she didn't even remember her own twin sister, things were worse than he expected.

"Mithra, I can't… I won't lose you too," John whispered. "I won't have you running away from me. I need you to be okay, I need you to be okay. I'm sorry. Maybe if I can get close and show you that you can trust me…"

It was foolish. A form of post-traumatic exposure therapy bound for failure, but it was all John could think to try. His healing spells would not work on the mind, and there was nothing he could do to retrieve erased memories.

And… he couldn't lose two people in one day. He just couldn't. He had to try something, anything. John opened a Barrier only about five feet wide and just as long as the distance between himself and Mithra, pulling them both inside. It otherwise looked exactly like John's world, save that they were now alone in an enclosed space.

"Mithra… do you remember me? Please, just… trust me to be around you. Even if it's just for a second, I…"

John trailed off as Mithra continued to press herself away from him, hissing wildly as she glanced around as if she could see the invisible walls of the Barrier she was now trapped in. She backed all the way up to the very edge of it and cornered herself, extending her claws and starting to swipe at the air.

"I know they hurt you, Mithra… I know you're scared, but I promise I'll protect you. I won't let anyone-"

-22 HP!

John winced as the claws scraped his arm, cutting it open. He didn't move, though - he kept himself within range of her strikes, allowing Mithra to **** him.

"I won't hurt you. I won't strike you. I won't even defend myself. Mithra, please," John pleaded, tears welling in his eyes. But her claws never stopped, and seemed to slow more because of fatigue than John's ever-dwindling health. Were he not so highly leveled, and Mithra so combat-averse, she'd probably have killed him already.

The thought chilled John. Mithra was one of his calmest, most loving companions. The idea that she could be so mentally destroyed, so lost to her former self, that she would kill him without a second thought… something broke in John. An idea came to him, a **** one, an idea so unthinkable that if today had been even a degree less terrible, he might never have tried it at all.

John jumped forward, using his superior speed to catch Mithra by the arms and pin them to her sides, stopping the onslaught of claws. Mithra struggled against him but holding her was far easier than he'd expected. She wriggled back and forth furiously, kicking at his legs and thrashing around with her full strength, letting out frantic howls that broke his heart.

"Mithra… I just want everything to go back to the way it was," John whispered, the last of his tears finding their way down his cheeks. "I just want everything to be the way it was this morning. I want to wake up and have this all be a dream, I want to fix this... and I won't leave you like this. I can't see you tormented like this any longer. I just... I-"

John cut himself off as Mithra gave up on her struggles and clamped down on his shoulder, her fangs biting down and staying there as she twisted her head around. The pain broke the last bit of his hesitation… as he placed one hand on the small of her back and whispered the most dangerous word he knew.

"Purify."

John regretted the word almost as soon as he said it, as soon as Mithra was no longer there to **** him and his mind cleared enough to realize what he'd done. He didn't even think it would work, not really - it was just the only option he had left to heal a broken mind. He didn't want to change Mithra - he didn't want her to transform, become something else, or for Maera to lose her sister. He was grief-stricken and traumatized, but even John knew when he fucked up.

"Mithra, no," John pleaded with the glowing light that engulfed his lover, the mother of his children. "Please, I don't want you to change. I just… I just wanted you back the way you were. I want this horrid day to have never happened… please, oh my god, I'm so sorry, Mithra. Please… can you…"

John started sobbing, throwing himself to the ground and slamming his head into the dirt, over and over. He'd lost one lover to the Albidians… and now, another to his selfishness and desperation. How would he tell Maera? Did she already know? They were linked by soul, purified together… had he turned her too? No, surely not, they-

"Myaster? Why are you crying, Myaster?"

"M-Mithra?" John whispered, voice cracking as he lifted his head only slightly from the grass, wracking sobs still shaking his form.

"Is Mithra," the voice re-affirmed, but John still didn't believe it. He'd Purified her, he'd… he'd just erased who she used to be, hadn't he? John shakily raised himself off the ground and looked up hesitantly. Before him sat Mithra, looking… well, looking exactly like he remembered. Nothing changed, not a hair out of place, and most importantly… smiling at him.

"M-Mithra, it's… you're okay? You remember me?"

"Of course, Mithra has good memory! Well, Mithra forgot how we got outside," Mithra noted, her long black hair swinging around a bit as she looked from side to side. "Mithra also doesn't remember sleeping this late… it's almost night, kittens will be hungry. You should wake Mithra up earlier next time she sleeps in, Myaster. Or at least cuddle with her instead of dragging her outside."

"It's really you, Mithra!" John exclaimed, jumping forward and wrapping his arms around Mithra once again. He was relieved, elated, ecstatic, euphoric to be greeted with a hug in return this time, instead of a barrage of claws and fangs.

"Of course it's me, Myaster! Did Myaster have a nightmyare? Myaster should wake Mithra up next time… Myaera has nightmares sometimes. Mithra likes to help her."

John didn't respond to Mithra's innocence. He was laughing and crying and shaking so hard that he barely noticed as the Barrier around them fell, as the others crowded around them, as Maera shrieked and cried out for joy…

All he noticed was the feeling of Mithra in his arms, the feeling of his lover returning to him. A feeling he would cherish forever… and one he would never allow to be taken from him again.