Happiness

Your big sister pushes away from you and slumps back to rest her back against the cupboards, her legs stretched out in front of her. Looking up at Elsie then over to you she shakes her head. “You guys are assholes!”

Shifting toward her you take her nearest hand in both of yours. “Hey now, this was Elsie’s…”

“I know! I know!” She exclaims. “It was Elsie’s decision. But you didn’t have to break it to me like that. Jesus!” She wipes the tears from her cheeks, embarrassed by them but not ashamed. “Fuckin assholes.”

Elsie remains standing over the pair of you. She lets her skirt fall back to hang naturally. “It was cruel, wasn’t it?”

“Fuck yes it was!” Fiona gripes.

“It hurt, huh?”

“Yes. Christ kid, you tore my heart out there.” Fiona lets out a shuddering breath and collects herself once more. “This is a lot to take in. Yeah, it hurt. Hurt like hell.”

“Good.” Elsie nods.

“Good!?”

El nods again. “Now we’re even.”

“Even? We’re nowhere near even.”

“Yeah, we are.” El says with total conviction.

“But…!”

“Now we’re even.” Elsie says again in a strong firm voice, she would have no argument. “We start again. You and me, we start again. Right here, right now. I am shedding all of the weight of the past. I am who I am meant to be, I won’t be dragged down by anything or anybody.” She looks downright imperious as she gazes down on Fiona with her obsidian eyes. “This is your second chance Fiona. Don’t fuck it up.”

Fiona looks up a Elsie with that same look she gave you the night before when you stood up to her. Glancing your way she quips. “I think I better listen to her.”

“I think you better!” You laugh. “El’s not fucking around.”

Fiona rests her head back on the cupboards and looks at the pair of you. “What has gotten into you two lately? Where did this new confidence come from?”

El puts her hands on her hips. “It’s not so hard to figure out if you think about it. Now…you avoided Jesse’s question. I want to hear the answer.”

“Question?”

“What makes you happy?” You repeat.

“Oh, yeah.” Fiona grumbles. “I don’t know. Nothing really.”

Elsie rolls her eyes. “Oh please, don’t be so dramatic.”

Fiona’s glowers and jests. “I’m not sure I like this new Elsie.”

“But you do love me. Ha ha!” El winks. “Come on, out with it.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well…tell us your happiest memory then.” You suggest. “When were you happiest?”

Fiona looks from you to El, then back to you again. For a moment it looked like she was going to sidestep the question, but after a deep breath she says. “Well that’s easy.” Her head tilts back and she stares up, not looking at anything in particular just gazing out into space. “Years ago. It was summer. Family barbecue.” She closes her eyes, you could imagine her feeling the hot summer sun against her face. “Peg and Chloe were here, Grandma and Grandpa too.” A huge smile brightens your sister’s face. “I was on the patio, sitting on Daddy’s lap. I was scared about my first day of school coming up. He was telling me it was going to be okay. We were watching the rest of you.” She lets out a laugh. “Chloe had found a can of paint in the basement. Remember the house used to be green? It was that color, that sort of minty off green.” Fiona’s eyes open again and she looks at you and Elsie as if you were those toddlers from all those years ago. “Chloe had pried the lid off of the can and left it out back and…well…you two found it! There were little hand and foot prints EVERYWHERE! The fence, the sidewalk, the grass, the table, everywhere! Ha ha ha ha!” Throwing her head back she lets out a big honest belly laugh. You and Elsie look at each other and giggle. “Oh my God! Peg and Mom were chasing you guys around, the pair of you were covered in it. Grandma and Grandpa were trying to contain Chloe who was trying to run interference for you two, it was chaos!” Her laughter escalates. “And Dad and I just sat and watched the whole thing from the patio, even as Mom yelled at him to help. Ohh how we laughed! I’ve never laughed that hard since. The love I saw in that man’s eyes as he watched his family…” She sighs and with that sigh she return to the present. “…that is when I was happiest.”

“I don’t even remember that.” Elsie is beaming happily at hearing the old story.

“Me neither.” You say.

“To answer your question then, you two. You two make me happy. This family makes me happy.” She lets out another sigh, this time one of regret. “Even Mom.” She squeezes your hand. “It was so much easier when we were younger. Beating up your bullies or driving you places or just listening to you, it made me feel…useful. Strong. You guys used to look up to me. It felt good, ya know?” Her voice goes dark. “Until I ruined it all.”

There is a tense pause before El breaks the silence with her forgiveness.

“Well thank goodness for second chances.” Elsie says with a gentle smile.

Fiona looks up at her, really looking into her eyes and holding there. Reaching up with her other hand she takes Elsie’s hand. “Thank you.” Bringing your hand to her lips she kisses the back of it. “And thank you.” Gripping both your hands she then says, from bottom of her heart. “I don’t know where I’d be without you guys. You keep me…grounded.”

Elsie leans down and the Bailey siblings enjoy a big hard happy hug. Kisses are shared and the three of you were feeling on top of the world, closer now than you had been in years. Where there was love there was hope, and this family certainly didn’t lack in the former.

El steps back again and Fiona lets out yet another sigh as she looks her sister up and down. “You had to do what you had to do, I understand…but I am going to miss that cock of yours. It’s a shame you missed out on it Jesse. It was fucking perfect. I had hopes we might get together again sometime.”

You and El share an amused knowing glance to each other then you look back at Fiona. “Yeah, funny thing about that…”