Come up with a more polite way to seduce Maria.

You decide it’s better to play Maria the long game, so rather than send a dick pic, you ask a question.

So Maria, what are you into?

The next few texts are all weird in another language. Boku No Hero Academia. Shingeki No Kyojin. Neon Genesis Evangelion. Fuck, is she into that same dumb anime shit Kyle is into?

Oh anime, cool, you reply. You remember the pile of anime magazines under Kyle’s bed, all those hot oiled up cartoons with big titties, just like Maria’s. It sounds kinky now that you think about it.

You remember something Kyle always thought was badass: your mom Celina inherited an old Japanese samurai sword from her grandpa. It’s the real deal, and it’s just sitting in the attic. You bet a big titty weeb bitch like Maria would probably love to see a samurai sword. You imagine yourself in a sick Japanese robe, slashing down ninjas with it, while the half-dressed Maria clings to your side, soaking wet down her leg at how badass you look. Shit you would like to beat up some ninjas and then bust a fat load onto Maria’s tits. If only.

Did Kyle ever tell you about my samurai sword?

What?! A samurai sword? For real?? Not just cosplay shit?

You certainly know the way to a dork girl’s heart.

Yeah, you should see it. It’s really cool.

I would love to, she types back, When?

My dick is hard now, you want to reply, but stop yourself. You do want to see Maria this morning, though it would be an asshole move to ask her to ditch Kyle and his family.