Offer to come over to Kyle’s place with the sword.

You tell Maria you know Kyle’s parents’ place and you could definitely drop by with the sword this morning. She sends back a heart-eyed cat emoji, and you know you’ve got one finger on the waistband of her panties, metaphorically speaking.

You grab the sword from the attic and drive over. The whole time, your cock is growing harder in your pants. You’ll need to bust soon or else that thing might start to hurt.

Kyle’s parents answer the door, happy to see you. For a long time, you’ve been a reminder of what a handsome socially-adjusted son might look like for them. You’re good looking, good with women, and athletic, whereas Kyle is awkward, gross, and never had a date. You wonder what they think of dorky Maria, big breasts straining out of a babydoll black shirt, probably from Hot Topic.

“Oh em gee, is that the sword?” Maria leaps past the parents to see, “Wow, that’s amazing.”

“From the seventeenth century,” you say, half bluffing, just happy to feel Maria’s shoulder rub your arm as she gets closer.

“Kyle, why haven’t you asked your friend if he wants something to drink?” Kyle’s mom scolds him.

“I’ll take a beer,” you say, and Kyle sulks out of the room to get you your beer.

“Trevor-sama,” Maria says (what the fuck is she talking about?), “How long is your sword?”

“24 inches,” you say, not too far off from the length of the meat sword currently inflating in your pants.

“Can I— can I hold your sword, Trevor-sama?”

Maria seems like a crazy child. There’s no way she knows how to handle a weapon like this.