The Mutual Sacrifices That We Make

May 23, two days later. The Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

My eyes flicker open. I stare up at the white ceiling for a couple seconds, listening to the bustle of a medical trolley in the corridor outside.

“You’re awake again!” Tiffany says, getting up from her seat and coming to my bedside.

She’s dressed plainly today, t-shirt and jeans, with just a minimal touch of make-up. She looks like she’s been up for a while.

“You waited for me?” I ask. “How long was I out this time?”

“Three hours, it was a short nap,” she says, leaning over me to give me a peck on the cheek. “I wanted to leave, but then I got worried about you…”

She doesn’t hate me! my brain chirrups. I really thought that she might, after how I let her down at the STX meeting, but she’s done her best to reassure me otherwise since I’ve landed in this hospital.

“I’ll give Dr. Kee a text. He said he wanted to check in with you when you were up,” she says.

“Has he been here since yesterday?” I ask.

“No, he must be busy with his other clients. How are you feeling?”

“Sweaty. Stinky. But strangely, not all that sick,” I say. “I feel like I could go out for a run right now, catch some fresh air…”

“Let’s wait for Dr. Kee before you go do that,” she laughs, giving me another chaste kiss.

“And how about you? How are you holding up?” I ask.

“I’ve been alright. We were all worried sick when Sean called up, saying Eric found you’d slipped in the bathroom, knocked your head against the counter…”

“Bullshit,” I seethe.

“Yeah, we know,” she says, placing a calming hand on my arm. I told her the truth yesterday, and she didn’t seem the least bit surprised. “But I’ve been taking shifts with Claire. Mandy hasn’t come yet. Said she doesn’t see the reason to. She’s telling me to spend less time here. That I need to… to…”

She looks awfully lost.

I grab hold of her hand.

“Hey, no matter what happens, we’re going to get through this, alright?” I say. “I’m in a hospital bed, you’re in a…”

I don’t complete the parallel structure of the sentence. Some things are better left unsaid.

“I’m going to have to do it, aren’t I,” Tiffany mumbles.

She sits on the edge of my bed, facing me, and hugs her knees together. She looks into my eyes, pleading me to say No. I give her the best that I can.

“What would Father do if you said no?” I ask.

She shrugs.

“Probably the same thing that happened to Erin. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle that,” she says. “Not like Erin has. Erin’s smart. My image is everything that I’ve got. You’ve told me about how Erin’s handling herself, quarantined at home, riding out the attention. I couldn’t that.”

“And the world won’t let you be forgotten, either,” I say quietly.

“No,” she sighs, shaking her head. “I’m too prominent for that, aren’t I?”

We regard each other for a moment, and I sit up, only feeling a light pressure in my chest as I do so. No pain. Have they got me on painkillers? That must be it.

I squeeze Tiffany’s hand, trying to use my body to express what I’m having trouble articulating.

“You’re strong,” I say. “No matter what you choose, I’m sure you’ll get through it.”

She nods slowly, trying to reassure herself of that simple truth.

“If I think of it as fucking Bob over, rather than fucking him…”

The hospital door swings open then, and Dr. Kee walks in, sporting his doctor’s coat and an impassive gaze.

“You’re looking healthy, Claude,” he says. “Get out of the bed for me, will you?”

I do as he requests, standing by the side of my bed. Dr. Kee flips through the charts and records by my bedside, nodding to himself, while I match eyes with Tiffany. She looks over at Dr. Kee warily. She’s right to distrust him a little, I think.

“This is an astounding recovery,” the doctor says, after a minute. “I’ve never seen anything like this… especially considering the complications that you’ve had recently.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, doc,” I say.

He nods, as if that were expected.

“You still haven’t delivered your end of the bargain. There are consequences if you fail,” he remarks casually as he scans through a logbook. “Tiffany, I’m still willing to work with you, perform a bit of surgery. Or you could give up your game, Claude. But I think neither of us would prefer that option.”

“I’m not going to let you take Tiffany,” I say, placing a protective hand on my shoulder.

Tiffany looks hesitant.

“But if it really comes down to it…” she says, looking at me.

“I’ve let you down once already. I’m not going to let you take the fall for me again,” I say firmly. “If I can’t keep up my end of the bargain, then so be it. The world will learn the truth about me.”

“You’d give it all up for me?” she asks, surprised.

“I would,” I say without missing a beat, and she leaps into my arms with a wide hug, gripping me tightly, head buried in my chest. “But I’m going to do my best to make sure that doesn’t need to happen. You’ve got a tough enough job without having to worry about me, too.”

“If you can do the hard thing, then… I think I can too,” Tiffany says, looking up at me with a shine in her eyes. “I’ll get… I’ll make Bob come around.”

I hug her tighter then.

She didn’t have to. I know she’s doing it for me, as much as for herself—that she knows this deal has become mine as much as anybody else’s, and that the way the Father and the rest of the family views me rides on this working out. Fuck, I love this girl so much.

“Very cute,” Dr. Kee says drolly from across the room. “Anyways, I’ll advise your doctor that you should be released tomorrow, provided nothing turns for the worse. Congratulations on what’s looking like a full recovery. Let’s hope that gives you more time to get out there and get your job done.”