The importance of being Loki

Actually ‘waking up’ has become kind of a subjective term for you. Your eyes open at the sound of a deep masculine voice that at the same time sounds almost... greasy?

“I ain’t sucking your cock.”

He’s sitting on the bed. A giant of a man, built like the offspring of a bulldozer and a right whale. His wild red hair hangs over his eyes and partially conceals his scarred lips. His shoulders are almost as wide as your headboard and his massive hands have fingers the approximate size and shape of bananas.

“Why? Too big for ya?” You will your DOOMCOCK! into full erection.

“Naw. Just unlike the bitches I have some self control. Aside from that you ain’t my type. So you conned Blondie outta a boon and Chaos Cunt is using you as a pet. I just wanted to see what the big to-do was about.” He’s somehow smoking a incredibly foul smelling cigar now. “Gotta say, I ain’t too impressed.”

“And here I thought you were supposed to be conniving, Loki.” You eye him up and down. “That’s an astoundingly straightforward observation.”

“Kid, I used to hang out with Odin and Thor. Old One-eye makes you look like a mouth-breather, and Kid Thunder May have been as dense as a dwarf star but he could fight dirtier than you. Still,” he chuckles dryly, “you got balls the size of church bells, and I like that. So I’m gonna give ya a nickel’s worth of free advice. Back off this shit. That fuckin’ clown’s bad news.”

“All the more reason to bring him down.” Your answer is grim, shocking yourself with the intensity of your feelings.

“Well, when it all ends in blood and sadness, I’d say I told ya so, but that fucker is gonna rip ya a new one. There probably won’t be enough of you left to scrape off the sidewalk. Bastard is a stone cold killer and he’s been at this and using the Multiplier for almost eighty years longer than you’ve been alive... shit. I wasn’t s’posed to tell you that.”

Novak has the Multiplier! 80 years longer than you’ve been alive? He looks to be in his fifties, but he also looked that way back when he was on TV. That means... the math makes your head hurt, but showing weakness in front of Loki is literally the last thing you want to do. “Doesn’t worry me in the slightest.”

“It’s your funeral fuckboy. Just know your gonna end up in one of the afterlives watching him bang those beautiful sisters of yours brainless, and-“

You cut him off with a left hook to his jaw. His response is to just laugh at you and say, “You were warned.”

Then you really wake up in a cold sweat. The girls are sleeping cuddled up to you softly snoring. You’re pretty sure you busted a finger on his jaw. You don’t drift back off to sleep for hours.