Define getting...

Beth pulls into the parking lot for the Buffalo House restaurant in Proctor, Minnesota as you look around for an appropriate means of transportation to support your legend. Buffalo House is a weird mix of casual and fine dining, specializing in steaks. It’s the kind of place people with money eat when they want to pretend they’re just like everyone else. And pay six dollars for a Pepsi. So it’ll work quite nicely as a used car lot for you.

You have some time, and you’re looking for something nice without being ostentatious. A late model Nissan or Audi would do the trick. Ooooo! Lincoln Town Car. No. Too... senior partner. Midnight Blue Mustang? Too mid-life crisis. Lexus LS-400! Perfect! Dark grey, plush interior. And an open spot next to it.

You give Beth a hard kiss and hop out into the dusky shadows next to the car and yank a slim jim out of your coat. Ten seconds and you have the door open. Six minutes and the car is running. Eight minutes and you’re cruising south on I-35 at 75 miles per hour.

You’re honestly amazed at the devastation. What’s left of the house is still smoking, yet the fire seems to have been contained to that single lot. After quickly surveying the scene and taking a few pictures, you settle in to wait for Miller, opening up the AMA.

Notifications all over the place. A new achievement. Score notices. You click on achievements.

I’ll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul. - Got the better of a powerful supernatural being in a deal. Perk Unlocked: Reach Out; Touch Faith. SECRET PERK UNLOCKED: DOOMCOCK!

Reach Out; Touch Faith - Deep dicking Aphrodite’s asshole basically upgrades you to the Affection Multiplier: Divine Edition. The Multiplier and all the powers it bequeaths now have a (slightly diluted) effect on those of divine heritage. Please see instruction manual (not included) for details about what does and does not construe a divine being. Please note that the Multiplier still does not affect others with the Multiplier. The developers take no responsibility for you fucking up reality by turning Gods and Goddesses into lovesick fuck puppets. You sick fuck.

DOOMCOCK! - You suckered this out of Aphrodite. You know what it does. You now have Super Willy. Have fun. You sick fuck.

Quick Profile:

Aphrodite: Affection 50, Love 60, Lust, 5000

You don’t get any goddamn points. You just broke the system. Please REinStAll uNivErsE and REBOOOOOOOOOOT. Out of Cheese Error!

The app crashes, and your phone starts to reboot itself. Just then what you can only assume is Miller pulls up in a black Durango.