Sometimes wireless ain’t enough.

Hello Social Security Administration. Give me Dahlberg circa 2001. There’s the girls. Ok. Now to check birth certificates. Oh fuck. Seems that Saint Luke’s had some issues with record keeping right after 9/11. Either that or St. Louis County is backed up on digitizing. This is less than optimum.

What this means is that you need to get into the records rooms at both St. Luke’s and the County Courthouse. The hospital isn’t going to be a problem. Hell, it might even be fun. The problem is going to be the Courthouse. That shares a building with the Duluth Police Department. Hrm... when’s your three-card-monte arraignment? Not for another two weeks. Maybe we can use that to our advantage? Yeah...

A plan begins to crystallize and then immediately shatters, followed by a second and a third. And that’s when you realize that you’re not taking all of your resources into account. The Multiplier should make things work such that you can easily lie your way in, but you’ll still need a cover. And Chrissy is the perfect distraction for just about anyone with a penis.

A part of you is loathe to drag the girls into this, but it really can’t be helped. A new, ridiculously elaborate, con begins to come together in your head. You make a quick mental checklist of what you’ll need and file it away. Time for the day’s next task, something even more intimidating than breaking into what amounts to a police station. Dealing with Chrissy’s insurance company.

Knowing insurance providers, they’ll do everything they can to block the claim, probably due to arson, claiming that it’s a case of Jewish lightening. This might just be a challenge.

After doing some web searches and digging through a couple government databases that no one is supposed to have access to, you find yourself in the server that’s used by American Family Insurance, the company that’s underwritten the policy. Sitting there and sifting through the database which is surprisingly neat and ordered and done in MySQL instead of some crappy Microsoft product, you pick up one of your burners and make a call to start the claim rolling.

Thirty minutes, 23 touch tone menus, and six transfers later you’re finally speaking to a human being.

“Thank you for calling AmFam, this is Becky, how can I help you?”

“Becky” has a fairly exotic accent for someone who works for a regional Midwest insurance company, but fuck it. Everyone’s outsourcing. “Hi Becky, I represent Christine Anderson, policy number 34763509H, and I’d like to file a claim against her home owner’s policy in relation to a severe fire which destroyed said home.”

Right to the point. “Give me a moment while I look up that policy Sir.” You watch on your screen as “Becky” (whose real name is probably something like Radha) digs into the database, and flags the policy. “I have the information in front of me now.” So do I. “And what is the nature of the claim?”

I just told you, you fucking cunt, the house was burned the fuck down by a psychotic clown. “Suspected vandalism.”

“Becky” sends out a query which you immediately match and see that the adjuster in the area is named Jason Miller and he’s apparently booked out for the next three weeks. With a keystroke or two you send 3000 queries to the database, bogging it down, and start to edit his file, clearing his schedule.

“Alright sir. I’ve set up an appointment for our representative to come and see the site. He will be in touch with Ms. Anderson regarding his results and with any questions he may have. Is the phone number we have on file still good?”

“Actually, Becky, we’d prefer if all communications went through me.”

“And are you an authorized representative for this account sir? Your name?”

You are after a couple of quick edits. “Marcus Woolshire III, attorney. I’m sure you will find that I have full authority to conduct business on Ms. Anderson’s behalf.”

“Yes, I see sir. And a number where we can reach you?”

You rattle off your phone number and check to see that Miller will be visiting today at around five pm. Looks like another ride to Moose Lake is in your future. You quickly alter the amount of the policy by just adding an extra zero onto the dollar amount and log out of AmFam’s server, leaving a backdoor cracked open a hair just in case you need to come back.

Only one project left before you need to go to the smoldering husk of Chrissy’s house and con an insurance adjuster into giving her an assload of money. Time to find out more about Mr. Happy.