Amelia

I wake up the next morning, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed. What’s the point any more. It’s all gone. Darx is right, I am a horrible liar. He must have suspected it from the very beginning. But how could I tell you, Darx? How could I possibly ever tell you? If you knew, you would hate me forever. Even though I did it all for you. You were always on my mind. If only my paralysis spell had been powerful enough to incapacitate that troll. If only my healing could get Oliver back up to help you. I didn't have a choice. I had to do it. But the things Kase made me do in return for getting stronger ...

Damn you, Mia. If only you hadn’t interfered. No. As much I hate to admit it, Mia’s feeling for Darx are genuine. I’ve noticed it for quite a while now. Perhaps that is why we clashed so much more than usual. We were rivals and we knew it. And when I was studying in Kase’s room, I gave Mia an opening to seduce Darx. So, is it my fault then? If only I hadn’t agreed with Kase. I could have been spending time with Darx then and Mia would not be able to get close to him. Or maybe, maybe I just waited too long. I waited for Darx to make his move on me and as I waited Mia made her move on Darx.

I roll around in my bed and wonder. Why did you demand to know, Darx? If only you didn’t demand me to tell you what I did. We could pretend nothing ever happened. Then it could have still been you and me. Just us, together, in love.

I close my eyes and start caressing my own breasts. I pretend it are Darx’s hands feeling my breasts instead. I loosen my nightgown and slide my hand inside. My other hand goes between my legs. Yes, Darx. Touch me there. I play with myself pretending it is Darx playing with me. Yes, Darx. Touch me all over. This is how it should be. Once my pussy is wet enough, I slide my fingers inside and pretend it is Darx’s dick. I pleasure myself with my fingers while thinking of Darx. Please, Darx. Come back to me. I want to feel you for real. My breathing becomes heavy. I am almost there.

Then I remember what I did after Darx told me him and Mia were together. When he broke my heart and what I did after. All of a sudden, I feel so disgusted with myself that all desire, pleasure and yearning dissipates from me. I stop pleasuring myself. It is of no use anymore. I am such an idiot.

At least I can now take solace in that I am finally done with Kase. He no longer has any interest in me. Even if he did, he attacked Darx yesterday. Everybody in the village is talking about it. There is no way I would ever tolerate Kase again. Not even if he offers me to study again. Not even for Alice. She can have him. Let her ruin her family if she likes. I don't care any more.

Eventually I find the strength to get out of bed and get dressed. But I don’t know what to do. Gather materials for potions? The books Kase let me study from expanded my mana stores so much I no longer need them. Train with Jax? It’s the day of the festival, there is no training. Study at Kase’s? He’ll just throw me out now. As I am going through all the possibilities, I am staring out the window to Darx and Ilene’s house. That is when I see Ilene head out. Would Darx still be asleep? Knowing him, he probably is.

Wait a minute. If I no longer have to spend time with Kase, I can now dedicate myself completely to Darx. And Mia lives on the other side of the village. That means she is now leaving an opening for me. Perhaps I can still set this right.

I leave home and sit on a bench outside of Darx’s house. Hopefully he still wants to talk to me. I’ve got a lot of damage to repair.

After a while, Darx comes out of his house. All dressed up and ready to go adventuring in the forest. Did he make plans to train with Mia before going to the festival? If so, I need to work quickly.

I get up from the bench, smile at him and say, “Darx, good morning. How have you been?”

Darx looks at me coldly and replies, “I’m good.” Then he starts walking to the village.

I join him and try my best to start a conversation with him.

“So, are you off adventuring?” I ask.

“No, it’s for protection.” Darx replies.

Protection? He must be talking about that fight he had with Kase.

“Right. I heard you and Kase got into a fight yesterday.” I say. “I also hear your mother really chewed him out. Severs him right.”

Darx suddenly stops walking and faces me.

“What is it you want, Amelia?” He asks.

I look at him confused and ask, “What I want?”

“You spend time with Kase, you don’t want to tell me about it, and now you are happy he loses the best adventurer in the village to train with. I don’t get it anymore.” He says annoyed. “Are you or are you not together with him?”

Me and Kase? Together? Is that what you're thinking? Hearing Darx say that makes me so angry. Without thinking about it I point my index finger at him and angrily say, “I never liked Kase. Once I may have thought he was someone to be admired, but now that I know who he really is I hate his guts.”

Darx throws up his hands and says, “Well if you really hated him, then why did you spend so much time with him?”

“Because I needed to study!” I say as I raise my voice. “Ever since that encounter with the troll I’ve been blaming myself for how you came back. You nearly died and it’s because I was not a good enough spellcaster. If I remained weak, then how could you possibly continue to rely on me? Next time you could die for real!”

“So that’s why you went to Kase’s? To study?” Darx asks.

“Yes!” I answer.

Please, Darx. Just leave it here. Whichever god that can hear me. I beg of you. Don’t let Darx ask anything more.

“That and what else?” Darx asks.

I close my eyes in disappointment. Disappointed in Darx? In my prayers remaining unanswered? No, I am disappointed in myself.

I start to speak and say, “Darx, please. Please, don’t ask me. I couldn’t bear it.” But as I say the words tears are welling up again.

“Why not?” Darx asks in frustration. “What is preventing you from telling me?”

I look into Darx’s eyes. Those red eyes of his. I want them to look at me favorably. I want them to notice me and recognize me as a lover.

“I love you, Darx.” I say in a near whisper.

Darx looks at me skeptically and asks, “You can’t tell me because you love me?”

I nod and pray that he leaves it at that. Please, Darx. We can still fix this. We can be together again like we used to be. We can even be more if you want to. Please, just drop it.

“If you really loved me, then you would trust me and tell me everything.” Darx replies.

Those words hit me so hard. It is like my heart got hit by a smith’s hammer and shattered into a thousand pieces. No, Darx. If I tell you the truth, you will hate me forever. If I don’t tell you, I will lose your friendship but at least you won’t hate me. I can’t tell you, Darx. I just can’t. Unable to reply, my feelings just overwhelm me and I simply start crying. Tears are streaming from my eyes and I do my best to wipe them off my face.

As I cry, I hear Darx say, “I need to go. Mia is waiting for me.” Then he walks away from me.

That’s it then. I've lost you. I tried my best to keep you from hating me. But it turns out, that is exactly what made you hate me.

I turn back around and run back home. Luckily, my parents have already left for the village while I was waiting for Darx on the bench. That way they don’t need to see me cry as I run up to my room. There I cry on my bed until I can’t cry any more.