Do It For Love

Yep, that's all I had to do. Talk to her about it. Just walk up to her and say "Baby, I wanna spice things up." Rebecca had always been FAR more relaxed with sexy talk than I was and I was sure she'd welcome the conversation. Hell, she'd be overjoyed to finally be able to open up with me about our sex life.

So...that's just what I did...

...or tried to do.

But I pussied out in the end.

No matter how I tried to approach the conversation I felt like a fucking idiot. I didn't want to sound as if I was unsatisfied and insult her. But I also didn't want to insinuate that she wasn't happy with me and give her a hint that I'd read those damn emails. I was also terrified about my inadequacies being brought out into the light. I was scared that once it was acknowledged it might do permanent damage to our relationship. My heart and my ego still didn't know how to feel about all these new kinky desires. And what would Rebecca think about me for having them in the first place? She would surely see me as less of a man. More than anything though it just wasn't a topic I was used to speaking openly about. As I said, I pussied out.

I wanted to share my new twisted fantasies with the love of my life and I wanted to explore new facets of our sexual identities with each other but I didn't have the courage to make these things a reality.

This changed one Monday night. She had come home after a long hard shift where she and Manny had been working together. Of course my warped imagination pictured her and that eight out of ten Manny going at it in a secret little workplace tryst. By the time she got home I was hot to trot. My amazing wife, despite her being run ragged at work, was up for a bit of fun before bed.

Well, as had become standard by now, I pop my nut like a fucking chump. Those thoughts of Manny had me on the brink before we'd even gotten started. We messed up the sheets in less time than it took to make the bed this morning when I am huffing and puffing and pulling out of her already spent. Rebecca's hair wasn't even tussled and only one of her big soft creamy white tits hung out from her bra as I hadn't gotten the chance to free the other.

"Hoahhh, fuck that was good." I groan as I roll off of her. "Ohhh wow."

She looks at me for a second, smiles patiently and kisses my cheek. "Good."

I go to reach down and get her off using my hand but she gently pushes it away. "I'm tired baby. Let's just watch a show and go to sleep. Hmm?"

"But you haven't..." I protest weakly. "I don't want to leave you wanting."

A strange deeply serious and honest look comes over my wife. She kisses me. "Dan. I love you. I love you, you silly wonderful man. You don't leave me wanting. You've always been enough for me and you always will be." She gazes deeply into my eyes and whispers with heartfelt sincerity. "I love you so much Dan."

In that moment it was as if a veil is lifted from my eyes.

How SELFISH I had been! This woman, this incredible woman, loved me so much that she had willingly sacrificed her sexual satisfaction to be with me. This woman who had been such lustful dynamo had given it all up to settle for me. She had sentenced herself to a life of "two out of ten" sex just to be with me...she did it because she loved me. I was getting awesome sex on the regular while she just selflessly snatched what bits of pleasure she could from our overly brief encounters. When was the last time she'd really gotten off? Like how she used to before me. Since I'd read those emails I had been so focused on my own shifting appetites that I hadn't stopped to really appreciate Rebecca's side of things. I hadn't stopped a moment to think about her happiness.

Rebecca was a saint and I was the luckiest man on earth to be with her. That knowledge made my own selfish weakness all the more shameful.

And here I was worried about my ego and the ramifications of having an honest conversation with the person I'd committed my life to? I was hiding things from the one person in my life I should never keep secrets from. This dishonestly would surely fester and do more damage than any amount of blunt honesty ever could. I worried she would think less of me but what was I basing this on? She'd been nothing but loving and supportive for all the years I had known her. What in the hell did I think I was doing? What about HER? What about US?

I stroke her long black hair and stare into her beautiful blue eyes. "I love you too." We kiss passionately and deeply.

She strokes my cheek and smiles a beautiful smile. "I'm going to go get cleaned up."

I lick my lips and swallow hard. I need to do it. I needed to talk to her. I needed to talk to her about getting more adventurous and so much more. I had been a slimy little cowardly weasel long enough. It was time to man up. I needed to do this for the love I had for my wife. I grip her shoulder to stop her from leaving.

"Wait." I say softly. "We need to talk."