It’s time to smash

The Perrault manor was bathed in a pale moonlight, making for a rather serene image. At least John thought so as he walked up the driveway. It had only been a few minutes since John had left school, but of course European time was several hours ahead of America. On occasion he saw wolvish figures running through the trees and fields surrounding him, but aside from a brief howl of hello, they left him alone. It was far more pleasant being able to stroll up to Red’s house rather than sneaking around.

A giant figure lay across the front steps, seemingly in slumber. But as John approached, its canine ears perked and it sat up. “Evening,” the wolf greeted in a gravelly voice.

“Hey, Dresden,” John replied. “Red’s home I take it?”

The wolf nodded in reply as he shifted into a human form and opened the door for him. “Try Chey’s room.”

“Thanks,” John said as he stepped inside.

The door closed softly behind John and he found himself in a familiar entrance hall. The portraits of the Perrault family and their ancestors looked down on John with stern expressions, and he noted with interest that all of the ones depicting Vulpis had been purged. That is, all save for one portrait of the whole family that looked to have been painted when Red was still an infant. Vulpis looked to be sickly and frail in the image, and John couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to meet the man as he was then. Vulpis himself had said they might even have gotten along; though the thought of such a thing occurring now made John feel dirty.

He climbed the carpeted steps to the second floor landing where a maid was busy dusting an old grandfather clock. “Good evening, Master Newman,” she smiled in greeting. “I hope you’ve been well.”

“Great, thanks, Liz,” he replied. “And you know I’d rather you call me John.”

“I will keep that in mind, Master John,” the maid replied slyly. “In any case, should you be looking for Red, you’ll find her with her mother and aunt down the hall.”

“So I’ve been told, thank you,” John waved briefly in farewell before the maid resumed her duties.

He walked down the quiet corridor of the manor’s east wing, noticing one of the doors closest to him was ajar. John peered inside, before quickly looking away sheepishly as he saw the head maid, Ellyn, nursing her newborn child. But as he was about to carry on, the head maid called happily out to him, “Oh, ‘ello there, John.”

“Oh, how are you, Ellyn?” John replied in a friendly manner despite the mild awkwardness of having to converse with her while she was nursing.

“Feel like I’m rolling in pigshit, my boy,” Ellyn laughed lightly in reply as she rocked the newborn. “Haven’t had a wink of sleep in days and I’m leakin’ more than the little lady can suckle. I swear, my jugs were the size of melons the other day!”

“And how is Charlotte?” John glanced towards the infant with mixed feelings.

“Oh, she’s an absolute doll — when she’s not cryin’,” the maid smiled affectionately. “Anyway, I won’t keep you. The girl’s ‘ave been a bit rowdy round the ‘ouse today. Need a man to set ‘em straight, they do,” the maid chuckled.

“Oh boy,” John sighed and rubbed the nape of his neck. “Thanks for the warning.”

“Good luck,” the head maid saw him off with a wave and a wink. “Don’t let ‘em bite anything off.”

John shook his head and marched on. The door to Chey’s room sat at the very end of the hall. John paused briefly outside the closed door.

“OH FUCK!” the sound of a woman squealing suddenly punched through the door.

“AUNTY CHEY!” Red’s voice followed shortly after, pitched somewhere between a moan and a cry.

“TRY THAT AGAIN AND I’LL FIST YOU UP THE ARSE, BITCH!” Chey laughed sadistically in reply.

John’s hand floated apprehensively above the door handle. He’d be lying if he said Chey didn’t scare him slightly — and whatever kinky fun was going on behind the closed door sounded painful. Walking unannounced into her room seemed like a bad idea. ‘Best I knocked then,’ he decided, rapping his knuckles against the wooden door. He got no response save for an arrhythmic choir of cries, grunts, and groans. John stood awkwardly in the hallway for a long moment, not knowing what to do. ‘Uhm, do I just go in?’ he wondered. ‘I mean… my girlfriend’s in there… Fuck it. Please, Chey, I’m just an innocent boy. Don’t hurt me,’ he prayed with his eyes closed and anus clenched as he slowly pushed open the door.

John didn’t even get the chance to look around the room before something hard smacked him in the forehead and clattered to the floor.

“Fuck. I’m sorry!” John groaned and rubbed his temple as he staggered out of the doorframe. “I-I’ll just go…”

“Don’t you dare, John!” Chey snapped at him. “It has been weeks since my brother was slain and we are yet to smash. I swear by Fenrir if you don’t step in here right now I will chase you down and claim your arse raw with a silicone cock.”

“Uhm…” John opened his eyes and looked around the room.

Naked wolf girls crowding the bed, with their toned and curvaceous bodies on full display under pale moonlight, there were not. Instead, Red, Chey, and Adelia were crowded around a large TV installed in the wall playing… video games?

John’s eyes fell to the floor and he picked up the object that had been thrown at him: a pro controller for the Nintendo Switch. His eyes glanced towards the TV again.

“You must’ve hit me damn hard in the head, ‘cause it looks to me like you’re playing Smash Ultimate…”

“Yeah, you’re not dreaming, darling,” Red chuckle in reply. “Now get the bloody fuck over here. We need someone to put the foot to Chey before her head swells to a size too large for her neck.”

John shuffled across the floor in disbelief and took a seat on a pillow Red had set aside for him. “...Why?” was the only thing he could think of to say.

“‘Why’ what, darling?” Red asked as she snuggled into his lap, chuckling at his loss for words.

“Why?” John gestured at the whole set-up. He knew Red didn’t game, and he somehow doubted Chey or Adelia were hugely keen on it either.

“Well… you’ve been talking about how excited for this game you were these past few weeks so I thought I’d figure it out so we can play together,” Red replied. “And you know what? It’s actually been pretty fun so far.”

‘Do precious creatures like you truly exist?’ John wondered in awe. “Y-you’re fucking amazing, you know that?” John managed to blurt out.

“I know, I know,” Red blushed in spite of what she said and leaned in to kiss him.

“Yeah, yeah, real bloody cute and all,” Chey unapologetically interrupted. “But there are arses to kick.”

“Yes, I am quite looking forward to seeing your cheeks a bright red, dear sister,” Adelia retorted as they set up a four player free-for-all; three stock, no time limit.

In addition to the starting characters, they’d managed to unlock Ness, Zelda, Bowser, Pit, and Inkling. But John’s cursor ignored them all, instead beelining straight for Link. With a varied arsenal of arrows, boomerangs, and bombs, there were few other characters who could pester others as well as Link. Red went with Pikachu, while Lia and Chey chose Zelda and Bowser respectively.

The game began as any decent free for all did, with a healthy dose of chaos and confusion in which no one could tell up from down. But as time marched on and percentages rose, it became increasingly obvious John was much better than the girls — go figure.

“Fuck arrows. Fuck bombs. Fuck Link. And especially fuck you,” Chey swore at him as he abused Bowser’s relatively poor recovery for the second time.

“Yeah, sorry not sorry,” John grinned as his attention shifted to chasing Lia across the stage. “You’re just gonna have to get good.”

“Since you’re keen on chatting shit, I feel it’s pertinent to remind you I have claws. You don’t,” the warg snarled back. “... Oh fuck right off, Red, your boyfriend still has all three of his lives — and use a different mother fucking move you whore.”

“Yeah, I’m not really sorry for this either, darling,” John chimed in as he delivered a tilt attack that sent poor little Pikachu flying off the stage. “Spamming down-B on Pikachu is an injustice I can’t just let slide.”

“And here I thought you loved me,” Red grumbled.

“Call it tough love.”

“And here I thought Chey was as bad as one could get playing this game,” Adelia sighed. “You are quite frankly intolerable, child.”

“Yeah, you’re in for it now, darling,” Red added.

Her meaning was lost on John for a moment, before it became abundantly clear the three of them were no longer interested in fighting one another. They were focused solely on him. And they were relentless.

Despite any skill gap between them, facing three fighters at once is no easy feat. John was **** into a dangerous game of a cat and mouse, only ever attacking when he could get away with it cleanly. The three of them would helpfully attack each other on accident as well, but they slowly began to learn to work together to unleash some cruel combos upon his poor soul. In the end they managed to get two of his stocks down before he blasted Adelia out of the game. Chey’s Bowser shortly followed after. With only Red remaining the game was already over, and John let out a sigh of relief as Pikachu slammed face first into the inside of the TV screen.

“Again,” Chey said simply; her tone clearly conveying to them all that no one was leaving until they beat John.