[SPECIAL:] A PSA from Your Friendly Neighborhood Writing Monkey

|| THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD WRITING MONKEY, YO: ||

Hey there. How ya doin'. Thanks for dropping by.

...No, seriously, it BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND that you're here. THANK YOU - for reading my shit, for sticking with the story, for being the kind of badass who consumes their pornography in a literary fuckin' format. Y'all are gentlemen and perverts of the highest order, and I salute you.

(And ladies, if you're out there, cheers! Emma Watson's beauty transcends genders, man. You know it's true.)

So we're currently sitting at over 1,000 likes and 100,000 views. That is INSANE. That is legitimately fucking nutso, c'mon. Mad props to you all for getting us this far.

And it's given me an idea.

See, writers are basically word prostitutes, right? We crank out pages and pages of this shit, and then you pay us with your eyeballs. (Wait, no, sorry, that came out wrong. I do not want your eyeballs, I swear. Not even for soup. OH GOD WHAT IN FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PARAGRAPH -)

Okay, okay. Breathe. We're done, it's over, we're out the other side of whatever the fuck that last part was.

(Let's try this again.)

Basically... I have a favor to ask.

Like I said, I'm a whore. Worse than that, I'm a writer. And writers crave fuckin' attention, man. We're all shrieking narcissists, vomiting out wordspew into the void, desparately dancing for attention. We can't help it. It's in our blood.

So if you're enjoying the story, the single best and most awesome thing you could do would be help get more eyeballs in front of it.

(I swear to all that is good and holy, I will not use them for soup.)

*

So gather round, folks. I've got a plan.

CHYOA is awesome, but it's notoriously fuckin' difficult to gain traction on this site. Every time I post, we stay on the front page for like an hour. But then we're gone, swallowed up by the relentless tide of new stuff and comments and shit, and the views trickle off.

Unless...

Unless.

There's a couple ways to stay on the front page for longer. You can get yourself voted top story - which would be nice, yeah, but it might take ten years.

Or you can get voted top chapter, which - by the looks of things - is way fuckin' easier.

Last I checked, the top chapter on this ENTIRE SITE only had 235 likes. The second most-liked chapter had 169. Yeah.

...I think you see where I'm going with this.

If we can get Ultimate Fantasies onto the front page, oh, sweet motherfucking goddess... we are gonna get VIEWS. And views are like crack to thirsty, thirsty writers... and crack makes writers pound those keys like frenzied chimpanzees.

(Well, it sure as shit makes me post more, anyway.)

So, if you want more chapters, bonus content, deleted scenes and all that good stuff...

Jump back to Chapter Seven, and drop a like there, if you liked the story.

Just one. That's it. That's all.

(It'll take you three clicks max.)

Carpet-bomb that fuckin' chapter with likes. Rain down fiery hell upon its unsuspecting form like you're Zeus, King of the Gods, and it's a bad fuckin' Tuesday. Hammer that poor little thumbs-up till it's hanging off the screen by a thread.

Because if we can get 100 likes on one chapter, we'll make the top 10 list.

If we can get 175, we'll make SECOND PLACE.

If we can get higher than that, well...

Let's just say I'll be posting a lot more fucking frequently, and you'll get the end of this story that very week. And more besides.

(Because I also have a brand-new project in the works - aptly entitled 'Fuck Your Favorite Celebrity!' - which uses CHYOA's customisation options to do something hitherto fuckin' unprecedented. Trust me, you'll like what's in store.)

I was gonna post that at Christmas. But if we make it to 250 likes, well...

You'll get that early, too. And you'll get deleted scenes from Ultimate Fantasies (yep, sexy ones). And you'll get a handy bite-size list of all the filthiest chapters in this story, so you can zip right back to 'em whenever you need a quick fix.

And you might just get a sequel, too...

So, how's about it, folks? Sound good?

I'll be watching Chapter 7 with interest. Let's see if we can do this - and if we can, how long it takes!

Or, to put it another way:

FLY, MY PRETTIES, FLYYYYYYYYY

|| THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD WRITING MONKEY, YO

NORMAL SERVICE NOW RESUMES ||