Rude Awakening

John woke up to a loud alarm noise. At first he sought his phone, totally ignoring the popup in front of him. Upon realizing that his phone wasn’t the source of the noise (and that Jenny was still sleeping peacefully), he turned his bleary eyes to the popup.

You’ve ignored those notifications long enough! And I want to see what choices you make!

Divine in person, kinda bratty over this interface, John thought, and a loud clap of thunder issued from the cloudless sky, causing Jenny to stir but not wake up.

I heard that.

Sorry, sorry, John thought to himself as he pulled up all the notifications he had missed yesterday.

Warning, due to somebody else landing the finishing blow on your Vendetta, it has not been nulled! The curse has not been lifted!

That was a concerning first message, but at least that meant that Keith finished off Shakespeare. Apparently John got a lot of the credit for it, as he got a large chunk of experience and all the loot.

Level up!
Level up!
+$7,500
+Robe of Greater Elemental Protection
+Attunement (Spellbook)

Well, I can probably afford Ebony and Ivory now if I sell the Duck Call and a few other things, John thought as he used Spy on the other two items.

Robe of Greater Elemental Protection
Uncommon item. This lightweight, self-cleaning, self-repairing robe grants greater resistance to elemental magic from the schools of fire, earth, water, and wind. Currently stinks of **** and decay.
Durability: 483/500

John used Clean on the robe thoroughly until the smell was eradicated before moving on to the spellbook.

Attunement (Spellbook)
This spellbook teaches the user Attunement, a spell that allows them to see through the eyes of willing creatures or elementals. Consumed upon use.

That’s right, David! John thought, calling upon his pet. David tentatively formed on John’s shoulder in his incorporeal form. “No need to be afraid anymore, buddy. I’m okay now.” David didn’t seem very convinced but accepted John’s words nonetheless. He squawked softly and turned corporeal as John scratched him under the chin. He still seemed dejected, but John thought the new spell might cheer him up.

“Alright, buddy, it’s long overdue. Later I’ll take you into a low level barrier and train you up. Does that sound good?” David nodded ferociously in response to John’s question, desperately wanting to be useful.

“Alright, I’m going to look through the rest of this. You can have a treat,” John said, forming a mana glove around his hand so it didn’t get dirty and taking a chunk of David’s food from his inventory. He tossed it up into the air, and David shot straight at it like a bullet. The only reason he didn’t hit his head on the ceiling was that at the last moment John used Move to slow him down.

David sat on top of John’s dresser contentedly in his incorporeal form as John thought, Man, I have to get equipment in here for David. Since he mostly rests in my head though, it’s not really a priority. My room’s also not really big enough for him, especially when he gets older. With that, John turned back to his notifications.

Achievement Unlocked: Bite the Dust
Die.

• Nothing
• I made this as a joke, I didn’t think you’d ever actually see it.

Bad joke, John thought as he swiped it away. Apparently, he had earned a ton of achievements, and he wanted to get through all of them at once.

Achievement Unlocked: Survivor
Come back from negative health.

• 3% increase in HP

Achievement Unlocked: Heartless (Literally)
Come back from negative 100 health.

• 7% increase in HP

Speaking of, I’m strangely fine with almost dying. I don’t know if it’s Gamer’s Spirit levelling my emotions or accepting Abyssal life, but it seems to bother everyone else more than me. John hadn’t considered that he was in shock, and his emotions would come flooding out sooner or later, though that was much more likely than either of the other scenarios he did consider. Instead, he just moved on.

Achievement Unlocked: Like a Phoenix
Come back to life with your soul intact and no necromantic damage to your body.

• This was also a joke achievement.
• Hotfix 1.03

Hotfix 1.03: The Life or **** Update

• Levelling up after losing consciousness will cause consciousness to be regained.
• Gamer’s Body will now work as it should in regards to revivals due to levelling up. (Hopefully this fix isn’t necessary. [Who am I kidding, of course it is.])

John chose to ignore the implication that he was going to die (or near ****) again, and moved on to the next message, which was a slew of quest rewards.

Quest Completed: Skills to Pay the Bills
Skills learned: 5

• Skill levels in each skill earned: 5
• 100 Units of Gunpowder (Gun-Kata)
• Eternal Air Freshener (Clean)
• Ring of Enhanced Sound (Disrupting Blast)
• Earring of Perspective (Afterimage)
• Everlasting Vial (Alchemy)

Some of this looks really useful, John thought as he went through and used Spy on each one.

Gunpowder
Common item. A mixture of sulfur, charcoal, and saltpeter mainly used for its explosive properties in ammunition manufacturing and arms development.

Eternal Air Freshener
Uncommon item. An air freshener scented like a pine forest that will never run out of scent. Most effective on cars or smaller rooms!

Ring of Enhanced Sound
Rare item. A sapphire stone set in a silver band. When activated, this ring will make any sound consciously produced by the wearer’s hands such as snapping or clapping four times louder and much clearer.

Earring of Perspective
Epic item. This clip-on opal earring, invisible to the naked eye, shifts the perspective of your enemies in combat similar to the distortion effect of water. In addition, afterimage skills will form more realistic afterimages according to the enemy’s perception of you.

Everlasting Vial
Legendary item. When filled with a potion of Uncommon or lower rarity, it will magically refill with one dose of that potion once a day. This vial may be cleansed once a week when empty to switch to a different potion.

Well, those ranged in usefulness from extremely to not at all. John decided to not fill the vial for now, as all he had on him was a single minor health potion. Maybe I can get something better by the end of the week, John thought as he clipped on the earing. It felt uncomfortable for a moment, but after that, he could hardly even tell it was there.

He slipped the ring on the finger next to the Avian Ring, noticing that the gem glowed brightly. He tapped it once, and the glowing ceased. So that’s how it activates, John thought as he noticed that the gunpowder in his inventory had reduced to seventy-five units. He then realized where it had went -- his gun belt. Assumedly, that meant the bullets he fired would actually explode now.

I should probably switch into my regular clothes, John thought as he unequipped his combat gear and equipped his uniform. That left the air freshener, which looked to be the type you would see in a car. He took it out, sniffed it, and immediately recoiled back. That is way too strong! It would probably make short work of my entire living room! John immediately put the horrid thing back into his inventory, holding back coughs so as to not wake up Jenny.
Three notifications were left, and he was reminded of what was supposed to happen last night when he read the first one.

Quest failed: Throes of Passion.
You did not have sex by the end of the day.
I called you pathetic here previously, but given the circumstances, I’m letting you retry. I already accepted for you.

How generous, John thought sarcastically as he swiped away the notification, noting that she had already **** him to accept.

New Daily Quest: Pocket Monster Master!
Level up your animal companion to level 5 or higher!
Rewards: One shared skill, one skill for David, one skill for you
Penalty of Failure: None, I won’t even make a joke about you not achieving a goal.
[Accept]/[Deny]

Well, that’s even more incentive for levelling up David. I wonder what the skills will be, John thought as he hit accept. That left one quest. One extremely disconcerting quest.

New Quest: The Red Pill
You reject the quest—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You accept the quest—you stay in Wonderland and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes. All I'm offering is the truth. Nothing more.
[Accept]/[Deny]

The quest hung in the air, demanding to be answered. John thought about his time in the Abyss. The past three days (could it really only be three days?) were more eventful than the rest of his life combined. His eighteenth birthday felt like a lifetime ago. Everything had became so confused, so intense, so quickly.

John thought of the girl in his bed right now. How he had come so close to losing his virginity. He wasn’t sure what him and Jenny even were, but he wanted to see how things turned out, didn’t he? He had fallen for her already, and he thought that the same was quickly happening to her. He was the closest he had ever been to love.

John thought of how many times he had almost died--and the time he had. Was all of this really worth it? Worth risking his life so frequently? Part of him thought it might get better. Perhaps as he got stronger, he’d risk his life less, but he knew that wasn’t true. If anything, it would only get worse from here. What if next time he didn’t level up in time to save his life? Would there even be a next time?