Vs Emanuel la Vache

Hearing the voice from the battlements, John looked up, bow aiming at the place he heard the sound come from. Up on the battlements, a tall orc was standing, twirling his pointy mustache. The orc was dressed in a mail hauberk as well as wearing a pointed helmet.

John cast Observe on the boss, for some reason already dreading the fight.

John, having to make sure he was right in his assumption, called up to him. “Wait, you are French?”

The orc responded with a slightly annoyed voice, “Of course I am French! Why do you think I have this outrrragious accent!”

John let out a loud sigh, suddenly questioning if Gaia was doing this on purpose or if she was just going to pun him to ****.

While John was lamenting his life, the orc started drumming on his helmet, his green fingers making a soft ticking sound, and a few seconds later, he cried out, “Vache!”, and out of nowhere, a cow flew straight at John.

John, startled by a loud ‘moo!’, rolled out of the way.

The cow collided with the ground, leaving behind a small crater and a lot of gore. John looked at the orc, realizing that, indeed, he was still an orc. His way of fighting was crude, even if it was in line with Gaia’s horrible sense of humor. John hid in a bush nearby, seeing the orc start drumming his fingers on the helmet once again.

Taking aim, John fired his first shot of the fight. As the arrow flew, the orc cried out: “Vache!”. The arrow harmlessly bounced off of the helmet as John once more had to get out of the way of a descending cow.

John cursed under his breath, “Fuck. This will be difficult.” The sound of another cow hitting the ground with a sickening crunch made him shudder.
John hid behind the broken fountain, bow at the ready, seeing the orc look around for where he was. When the orc finally spotted him and started to drum on his helmet again, John was ready for it, firing an arrow at his face.

Crit damage x2
10 dmg

Emanuel grumbled as the arrow stuck out from his cheek, not stopping his incantation.

“Vawe!” the evil pun orc spoke, a cow once more acting like a meteorite and flying for John’s position, the caster pulling the arrow out of his cheek. “You human dog! You will pay for that!” he cried out angrily, the hole in his cheek oozing dark green blood. Emanuel spat out a broken molar, angrily starting to drum upon his helmet again.

John started to dash through the garden. A rain of cows descending on him as he avoided two of them, shooting an arrow at the boss hiding between the battlements, while looking for a spot to hide. John saw the arch of the hallway, starting a dash towards it as the loud ‘moos’ of cattle sounded out in a steady pace followed by the mandatory splat of a cow hitting the ground. Just as John thought he was safe, he ran into an invisible wall, bouncing back as a new pop up appeared in front of his eyes.

You can not leave the combat area until the boss has been defeated.

To make matters worse, a cow hit him while he bounced back, sending him to the ground and taking away 20 of his health.

The cow did not explode into a gorefest, but its luck was quickly depleted. The same cow appeared above the garden once more.

John stumbled behind the husk of the tree, hearing the cow impact on the dead wood as he tried to form a plan. ‘Hitting him once increased his casting speed considerably. So I need to either find a way to kill him in one shot or hit repeatedly for a few consecutive times.’

A second idea formed in John’s mind at the same time. He took his grappling hook from his belt, aimed it at the battlements above him and fired, the crunching of cow on wood behind him getting louder and louder, the wood starting to split under the constant barrage of cattle. Instead of hooking onto the battlements, the grappling hook bounced off of another invisible wall.

You can not leave the combat area until the boss has been defeated

The same pop up appeared in front of him, basically notifying him that he would need to kill the boss from the garden.

John heard a loud crack, his hiding spot finally collapsing under the pressure. He took a deep breath, grabbed an arrow, then started to run and fire at the same time, shooting three arrows at the boss while dodging the cows flying at him. Two of them struck the battlements, bouncing off without dealing any damage. The third struck it’s goal, though, poking straight into the boss’ eye.

Crit damage x2
10 dmg

The orc finally stopped drumming on his helmet, one hand going to his eye, feeling the arrow poking through it while the other pointed at him. “You! You! Your mother is a raspberry, and your father smiles like a cucumber!”

John, standing still, fired three more arrows at the boss’ face, being able to aim again without having to dodge the cows. “You got your quote wrong,” he dryly stated. “And what idiot stops casting in the middle of a fight!?”

Crit damage x2
10 dmg
Crit damage x2
10 dmg
Crit damage x2
10 dmg

Three more holes appeared in the orc’s face, making him look more like a pincushion than an orc at that point.

John cast Guided Mana Arrow, aiming it at the other eye, knowing from the magpie’s fight that blinding an enemy makes them a lot less impressive.

As the arrow was about to hit the boss, a snarl sounded from his mouth. “Mouton!” To John’s surprise, a sheep fell from the sky, and as the arrow struck the Boss, so too did the sheep strike the ground nearby. John wiped his brow, glad he wasn’t hit, only for the sheep to let out a weak ‘baah’ before exploding, sending a shockwave outwards that threw John against the fountain, toppling it over as he saw 35 health go down the drain.

Crit damage x2
15 dmg

With just 10 more health, John was in a prickly situation. Luckily for him, though, the boss was blind by now, turning his head to listen where John was. Biting his lip to stifle a groan, the slightly singed John got to his feet, putting one more arrow onto the bow, firing it at the blind pun on the battlements.

Crit damage x2
10 dmg.

With that message the boss fell from the battlements, a notification appearing in front of John.

XP + 100