HELP WANTED: Succubus Secretary. No experience required.

A blood-curdling scream filled the shadowed chamber, the sound androgynous, inhuman, but all too clearly that of an undying suffering that only a mortal was capable of making, and only ever in some abyssal pit of despair.

"Finally!" Ulshat sighed happily at the sound of their shift-ending alarm, and soon she was among the scampering hordes of succubi fleeing their cubicles on the DP floor of their office building, the lot of them **** to get to the locker rooms. Old, unfiltered CRTs framed the tight alleyway between cubicles, and so formed the ignored runway lights of the least-loved succubus' path to respite, filing behind and being shoved by her fellows.

"Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaa..." Ulshat yawned and stretched, with bones audibly creaking as she peered with barely-opened eyes at her locker. The guttural, horrific noise that emanated from her paled in comparison to the rest of the girls in the locker room, most of which moaned like banshees or screamed in ecstasy, pain, or both. Most remained as naked as they worked, and all toyed with one another, pressing fingers into holes and carving holes where none existed as they enjoyed the flesh of others. The fornication never lasted more than five minutes, but Ulshat was, as she always was, excluded for all 300 of those seconds.

She was reminded again of how her alleged bounty hunter hadn't even bothered to call her into the human world. She had been rejected, she had to assume: young as the mage was, even he probably knew better than to accept a gift from the Extinction King. Still... a chance at a promotion would've been nice... She breathed deep, and swallowed her disappointment with a weak smile.

She began to peel off her stuffy work outfit, the embarrassingly full-cupped training bra for her barely-there mounds, and revealed upon her back the same two scars that all the girls here had: two vertical slices, where their master had torn off their wings before enslaving them. Such didn't even cross her mind anymore. Instead, she focused on getting changed into the comfortable sleep clothes she cherished, the only bit of property in her life that brought her a genuine smile: a full-body onsie in bright pink, adorned with flowers and adorable cartoon rabbits, and closed up by a zipper from her crotch to her neck. Her favorite part of it was the head-fitting hoodie topped with googly eyes, floppy bunny ears, and the same felt inside the ears that made the fluffy puff-tail over her ass. Said tail currently hung from the flap that fell open, as the socket for its button was too worn to hold it for long; she let it bare her virgin undercarriage until she was sure no one would try to include her in their little succubus games. No takers, as always; she did her best to not let it get to her, and buttoned the tail back on.

An occasional, derisive huff followed her as she walked out of the locker room, mostly about her outfit. It made no difference to Ulshat: bunny jammies, leather bikini, or even nothing, what she wore wouldn't change the fact that, as a virgin succubus, she was the black sheep of their department. The virginity was skin-deep; it was why she remained a childishly pastel pink, as opposed to the dark pinks, reds and, for the exceptionally slutty, purple sisters around her. Such a bright shade made her a pariah no matter how she longed to resolve her loneliness. And if it doesn't matter what I wear, I might as well be happy in it! She reaffirmed this in her mind, and regained a bit of confidence... just as her flap came undone again. She grumbled as she buttoned her butt back up, and then sat at her cubicle once again.

"Let's make the best of the workday," she yawned only four minutes after having left the same cubicle. In eleven hours and fifty-five minutes, she'd get to repeat the cycle, but for now it was the night shift: her job was the same here, only now was when she could try and get as much shut-eye as she could manage without a supervisor literally eviscerating her. The other girls would be working towards the same task; it was mostly luck that one would get woken up by the nearby screams before getting caught. Data Processing was difficult, sometimes dangerous work, but it was a nice living standard... at least compared to the only alternate available, if Ulshat performed poorly:

The Mail Room.

Ulshat shuddered at the thought, on hearing the new shift starting bell (the gurgling of a human drowning), peered over the edge of her cubicle. Looking about, she saw the supervisors were beginning their shifts nice and far from her sector. Yes! Silently she cheered... and, with that smiling, squinty-eyed expression, promptly collapsed into sleep sitting up, leaning back in her office chair and snoring loudly with her glasses still on. "Khaaaa...."

A bit of drool trickled down her cheek. The monitor flickered angrily at her. Being an unwanted succubus was hard!

*

"KKKkhhaaaaaaaaarkAAA.... keeeeeeeeh..." The mysterious being snorted, and adjusted its seating. Despite it being impossible for the entity to have ever sat on this chair, mostly because it was the third warped version of his living room loveseat that John had encountered, the fluffy-looking creature before him seemed oddly apt at getting comfortable upon it. He struggled to make sense of the last minute: he parsed a false reality at home, went to the living room ready for a scrap, set the bell down for his alleged free ****, and even readied his Glock 777 if needed. He kept the gun pointed, albeit half-heartedly, at what had only been described as a secretary and ****... and what looked suspiciously like a pink-skinned teenage girl, possibly his age, in childish pajamas. A bit of spittle glistened at either corner of her mouth; she was quite the drooler, it seemed, and snored like a hobo. Her thick, black-rimmed glasses fell off her face, and John carefully got them out from under her before examining them.

Mundane item: Hellglass Hut glasses. Corrective eyewear with -8 diopter lenses.

For all of John's intelligence, he had never even heard of what a "diopter" was but just trying to peer through the haze of them nearly gave him a headache. He looked at the girl herself once more.

Ulshat (succubus minimus)
Lvl 1
HP: 25/25
MP: 90/90
Str 12, Agi 14, End 20, Int 17, Wis 12, Cha 24, Lib 56
Status Effects: Sleepy
Qualities: Alluring, Demon, Flight (disabled), Immune to Charm, Sex Eater (disabled), Short-Sighted

John cocked his head to the side. So my secretary is a succubus. Of course she is... John went back to suppressing cult of personality; it would do nothing here to ease the situation. He then attempted to dismiss her, only his spell didn't even recognize her as a real summon. He scratched his chin, and contemplated what he would even do with such a creature; he could barely manage his personal life before, even less so now, but... a secretary, like in the movies? One who wears cute pajamas... Wait, what am I thinking? I can't have some kind of devil girl live in my house!

"Khaaaa...ack... aAACCK... guh.... gooooo... PLEASE NO!" John jumped as she sprung up in the love seat, or at least as best as she could with her legs splayed all over its arm and back. Slowly she reoriented herself, and squinted her eyes at the blobs of color that filled her word. "Gah... my glasses," she whispered, groping around her chair, "no no no... oh God, where am I? Is this... am I in a supervisor's office? I'm-" She swallowed hard, and John remained stunned as she spoke clearly in her high-pitched voice. "Um, Supervisor, sir? You're... you're probably thinking I was asleep, haha!" She very nonchalantly wiped drool from both cheeks with the oversized sleeves of her onsie. "B-But I wasn't! It was... a productivity meditation! A-And I know that, if you just let me return to my desk... o-or return my glasses, so I can keep working hard-"

"'Ool-shat'?" John attempted, and she froze up as he spoke. "Is that how you pronounce it?"

"Ulshat... um, sir? Why are you... speaking... I-I mean it's fine, I know all human languages, I-I'm just surprised... but you're so much more talented, haha, of course, so um... please just... let me go back to work?"

John rubbed his chin, and glanced back down to her glasses. "Who are you?"

"Oh, um, I'm Data Processor Unit number 519-3410, known otherwise as Ulshat, sir."

"So you're... I mean, are you my secretary?"

"Your...?" Slowly, John watched as realization dawned on her, and her eyes widened in surprise- followed by her narrowing them again as she tried to take John in. "Are you... John Newman? THE John Newman? Is... why are you... oh by Asmodeus' reviled name, I'm- I've been summoned!"

"... Yeah?"

"You summoned me! You... you got me out! Oh!" She stood up abruptly as if to rush John, only to slam her shin onto the blob-like rendition of his coffee table and fall flat onto her face, dealing 3 points of bludgeoning damage as she landed. She hollered as she rolled over, holding her nose but sitting up right to look at him. Happily, she went on as black blood dripped from her nostrils. "You got me out-! Oh! Oh!" She stood, blew more blood out of her nose and onto the floor, and cleared her throat. Proudly, and then awkwardly, she put her hands on her hips and looked down on... a spot just to John's left.

"Are you...?"

"Silence, mortal!" she declared with a shaky voice. "I'm... I am a... demon? Y-Yes, I'm a demon... from the Abyss! What is the Abyss, you ask?" She laughed proudly at the question she didn't let him ask. "The Abyss is a mercurial place!" Yes, yes, you are NAILING it, Ulshat! Get it, girl! "Yes, a mercurial place... one that your petty, mortal scholars-"

"Question," John interrupted.

"-argu... um, excuse me? I-I mean- SILENCE, petty mortal-"

"You're... my ****, and my secretary, right?"

A brief pause. She continued to eye the John that was just a few feet to John's left. "... I... guess?"

"Ah... OK. Well," he sighed as he put away the Glock 777, invisible as it apparently was to her, "what do we do now?"

"N-Now? I'm just... I'm giving you my introduction?" She started to shiver in her jammies. One of the bunny ears folded over. This wasn't going right at all. Her anxiety started to kick in, and her breathing became labored as she tried to keep control.

"I mean, the message said something about registration? But I'm not even sure what it was talking about... you know all about it then, right?"

"..." She struggled to get words out, but found her thoughts racing as she spiraled into despair... and then her tail came undone, and the flap fell quite obviously behind her legs for John to notice.

"Eh... Ulshat?"

"Buh..." Her eyes started to glisten, and tears began to flood from her eyes as her lips trembled.

"Wh- What? I'm- hey, are you-" John looked around, unsure of what to do as the demonic temptress began to blubber and cry. "H-Hey, I'm sorry, I, uh, I didn't mean it?"

She buried her face in her thick pink sleeves. "I-... I just wanted to... to be a really good succubus... and-and-and-" She sniffled. "I even screwed this up... this is my first time, and... and...!" Her words turned to wailing, and she collapsed onto her knees as she began to wail pathetically.

Jesus Christ, is this some kind of trick?!

<Do not be a fool, John Newman. Of course this is a trick.>

Right... she's a demon. So she must be playing possum, trying to get me to get close-

<Of course not, John Newman. The trick is that you were given ownership of so worthless a ****. She is obviously a pathetic demon, and should have been eaten by one of her betters, given how pathetic she is. If a dark elf child was still so immature within ten years of life, they would have been thrown into the Mound of Failure.>

What the Hell are you- wait, the Mound of Failure?

<It was formerly the Pit of Failure, but after several centuries of unworthy births, the bones began to rise to the level of->

John shook his head, as if that would silence Alysha, and marched over to the bawling young succubus. "Hey, hey... look, it's alright... there, there..." Cautiously, he rubbed her back. Her body trembled like a leaf under his touch, and he felt just a bit more guilty for something he was pretty sure he didn't do. He risked a possible trick, and hugged her fully, doing his best to not touch any of the rump that now sat bare on the rippled floor. As if he meant to strangle her instead, Ulshat struggled to escape his grasp, and he let go the moment he realized as such, causing her to fling herself back and slam her head onto the table for another 4 points of damage.

"Ack!"

"Christ, will you-!" Frustrated, John grabbed her ankle and thought to try and use heal... but considered a test, an important one for this. Instead, he channeled a heal monster into her. To his surprise, it worked without so much as a moment's hesitation, fixing her nose and taking away the pain in her head.

Summoning has reached level 6!
Heal monster has reached level 4!
Heal monster: mp cost equal to 75% of hp healed

Friendly monster... The spell's wording was vague enough, he supposed; he could use this to heal any monster that was "friendly", whatever that meant. Is that really enough for me to trust her, though...?

"You... you healed me?" She blinked up at the suddenly-friendly blob of color, thinking she was meeting its eyes... and staring right over John's head. "M-My report said you were a summoner, but not a demonologist..."

"I... am not sure what that is, but I'm probably not- Look," he continued, satisfied that she was temporarily recovered from her anxiety, "there's plenty for us to figure out about each other... so let's just take it slow, alright?" He held her glasses up to her, and she had to squint even as they hung in his hands only two feet before her eyes. She nodded, realizing he was willing to help her... and smiled in a manner difficult for John to read.

Succubi were natural liars, even crappy ones like Ulshat... and while the introduction she had prepared with the last four authorized bathroom breaks had been for naught, at least now she could be able to look upon him, use her power to charm mortals, and finally put the wretch under her control! She put her glasses on, grinned toothily as she met his gaze-

Ba-bump.

John's soft eyes, his boyish charm, the fit cut of his body underneath his stylish, magical shirt... his gentle, if confused smile. His mercy, his kindness, his awkward pose... each detail, each quality tapped the bottom of her black heart and raised it ever higher behind her tiny chest. He offered her his hand, and the lump in her throat nearly grew to **** her. Ulshat's cheek glowed with color, and sheepishly she took his hand, her eyes wide as she leaned forward to kiss him-

"There we go," he grunted, rising as she smushed her face into the chiseled abs she could feel under his shirt. Reluctantly she rose with him, and stared up with eyes that were about ready to cry again. "W-What?"

"I... I don't... know..." The succubus struggled with this budding, beautiful feeling that spread through her body like hellfire. Her nature made it impossible to understand.