Bureaucracy of Sex

"Greetings! ¡Bienvenidos! Introducing the Bureau of Sexual Services! We're from the government, and we're here to help...you get your rocks off! Formed in the waning days of the last administration, BoSS seeks to boost citizen satisfaction through unorthodox measures.

"Feel free to drop by our brand new headquarters--the recently converted former power plant at 223 Elm Drive. It's hard to miss. The shining white marble cladding allows everyone to see their taxpayer dollars funneled to the greatest of causes. Our hours are Tuesday to Friday, 9AM to 11AM, then 2PM to 4PM. (What can I say? We bureaucrats enjoy our long lunches...) A veritable army of assessors stands ready to delve into your subconscious and pull out your deepest, darkest desires--then fulfill them! Maybe you want to be buried under a pyramid of naked wriggling little persons? Maybe you want to be whipped in the stocks? Maybe you want to be showered in a torrent of piss and cum? Hey, we won't judge you...much.

"And, sure, perhaps our assessors make the occasional catastrophic mistake. Sometimes the paperwork gets mixed up, you know, and the demure young virgin looking for a gentle deflowering gets sent off for anal punishment in the BBC wing or the painslut is paired up with the sensitive soul just seeking a hug. At least our intentions are pure. Our employees may seem indifferent at times, but it could be worse—they aren't actively incentivized to make the experience awful (unlike every single dating app you've ever used).

"Best of all, our services are free! (For you as a consumer, obviously. Don't worry your little heads about the latest tax bill, or the mounting national debt.) Also--look! Over there in the sidebar! We're completely open to the public! Just be sure to bring along a valid form of government-issued identification.

"So what are you waiting for? Stop by the Bureau today, and see your wildest sexual fantasies come true!"