I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say

Nick had expected breakfast to be awkward. After what happened with Gina on his date with her, and the intensity of the conversation he had with Mary and Holly that morning, and the seriousness of the situation that they’d raised, he assumed that things would be a little uncomfortable across the breakfast table.

But actually, it had gone very well. Once Gina had woken up, she seemed completely unfazed by everything that had gone down between the two of them. Almost as if it was just a dream. In a way it was, but that wasn’t something that Nick wanted to consider.

It had happened. Gina wasn’t just burying those feelings- she wouldn’t have done something like that! No, she was clearly still thinking about it. But, judging by the smile she gave him when they both sat down to sample Mary’s breakfast feast, she wasn’t letting those intense emotions rise to the surface and overwhelm her.

That was good.

That was what Nick wanted to see.

And, when he did see the tranquil geniality in her eyes, it made him relax, and he felt like all his problems were just a dream as well.

But he had to remind himself that they weren’t. The issue that Mary had raised that morning was a serious one. He needed to give it serious consideration, in turn.

How many of the women in Nick’s life desired children someday, like Mary, Holly, and Rose did? Honestly, he couldn’t begin to guess. Did Kim? What about Dawn? Cinder and Ella? Before the other night with Morgana, he would have assumed Carly and Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin didn’t want to have kids, but now he couldn’t be sure.

“Nick?” Gina’s voice snapped him out of it, though. He looked up at her and saw her smile, and he put those feelings back where they belonged, in the depths of his heart. He would come visit them again, sometime soon, but right now, they were just a burden on him.

He didn’t want to get so lost worrying about the future that he ignored the present, and the girl who sitting right in front of him.

“Sorry,” Nick apologized with a smile. “I was just caught up in my mind, thinking about a lot of stuff. But I’m done now.”

He started to dig in to his meal. He began to relax, and started enjoying breakfast with someone who enjoyed living in the moment.

If Gina could put her thoughts about her future aside and enjoy a nice, pleasant breakfast, than he could do the same.

“Thanks for everything, Nick.” Gina leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek. They split ways in the elevator. Nick was heading down to the Banquet Hall, to meet up with Dani when she was done with breakfast, and Gina was returning to her bedroom to get changed, and then maybe crash for a couple of hours.

It was strange… she’d spent the whole day yesterday asleep, in a manner of speaking, so why was she still feeling tired?

Neither one of them had an answer for that question, if an answer even existed in the first place. They just shared a look of mutual understanding, laughed like the old friends they were, and went their separate ways.

Gina watched the elevator doors close behind her with a faint sense of longing in her breast. To be honest, a part of her didn’t want to leave. After having all day yesterday with Nick, she wanted to keep monopolizing him. But… she knew that was her selfishness speaking for her. Nick had other obligations, she couldn’t keep him to herself.

Still… it was strange. Gina had always lived her life just letting things pass her by. Without giving too much stock to possessiveness or jealousy; she’d never really wanted anything badly enough for those emotions to take root.

Aww, man. This isn’t good, Gina thought, biting her lip. Her heart started pounding. Now that she had a more concrete idea of her feelings for Nick… now that she knew how deeply her desire for him truly went…

…Was she starting to get possessive?

That was a really bad sign if that were the case.

“No, calm down,” she said, shaking her head quickly and slapping her hands against her cheeks. “That isn’t the kind of person you are, remember? No, no way! You’re not the sort of girl who lets her feelings for other people take hold of you!”

She liked Nick a lot, maybe she was even in love with him… …No, she almost certainly WAS in love with him. But…

Those feelings of love… they weren’t enough. They weren’t… they weren’t the right sort of emotions that she should be focusing on.

She shook her head again, like she was trying to shake those intense feelings out of her skull. It worked, to an extent, but…

A long, exhausted sigh escaped her lips, and she turned and headed back to her room. Maybe if she could rest her eyes for a little, she might be able to get rid of these pesky negative emotions plaguing her.

…

…Gina knew that she was coping right now. The chances of that happening? Infinitesimal. She wasn’t that naïve.

With a brief murmur of remorse, knowing that she would have to sort out her feelings eventually, she walked into the Luxury Suite with the intention of doing what she did best- putting off something troublesome until later, so she wouldn’t have to worry about it until she needed to.

Naïve? Immature? …Very possibly. But, as far as Gina was concerned, this was something that she needed to do so she could keep going. Then, once she was done, maybe she could have a talk with someone she trusted.

…That someone was not her roommate, however. Gina entered the suite just as Ella was getting ready to leave it. Her timing was so poor that she actually almost knocked the other girl over!

“Ah-!” Ella’s eyes widened in surprise and her mouth fell open. “Gi-Gina, you’re back…”

Her hand crept to her wrist, and she snapped her rubber-band. “Thwap!”

“Yeah, hey,” Gina said, giving the other girl an awkward wave. She wasn’t sure what she should say to Ella, honestly. “I, uh… …Nice to see you? I guess?”

Ella swallowed and nodded. This was the sort of situation where she should make small talk, right? Ask Gina how she was doing, how her date went, stuff like that? Ella knew that was the right thing to do, but in the back of her mind, she felt paralyzed with indecision.

She and Gina didn’t exactly get along that well. The other girl was a little… intimidating. Not in the way that Cinder was intimidating, but… …She gave off the sort of vibe that screamed “You don’t want to get involved with me, I’m trouble!”

And Ella had more than enough trouble in her life as it was.

Still… she was going to be living with Gina for the rest of the round, at least. The two of them should really focus on getting along.

“Did… did you have a good date?” She asked, hoping her voice didn’t crack as much as it sounded like it did to her ears.

Gina blinked, surprised by the question. She didn’t expect Ella to be interested in anything going on with her at all!

“Uh… yeah, I-I did,” she said, nodding. “It was pretty nice… …What about you, Ella?”

“Eh?” Ella’s eyes widened. “My… …I-I haven’t gone on a date with him yet this round, so…”

Gina fought the urge to burst out laughing. “No, no! Silly! Not about a date! I meant how was your day yesterday?”

“Oh… uh…” Ella bit her lip. Was Gina being sincere right now? Or was she just teasing her? Knowing how the other girl acted, it was very likely to be the latter. But if she just assumed and said something rude, then that would be bad, too!

“Um…”

Gina could tell that Ella was having a hard time expressing herself. She frowned, not sure what she should say to the other girl in response, or if she should say anything at all. Instead, she pinched her lips tight, and tried to give Ella as easy of a smile as she could manage with how tired she was.

She was trying to let the other girl know that she had nothing to worry about, that Gina was just happy hanging out with her and that they could be friends.

That wasn’t quite the message Ella took away from the whole thing.

Swallowing her nerves, Ella held her head up high. “I… I had a fine day,” she said, almost surprised by the level of defiance in her voice. She never took such a forceful position like this! Well, almost never. Certainly not when faced with such a casual conversation!

Luckily, Gina didn’t seem all that bothered by the other girl’s outburst. She just smiled, like it wasn’t a problem at all.

“If you ask me, Ella, I think you’re doing just fine,” she said, patting the other girl on the shoulder and stepping past her.

Ella’s eyes bulged out of her head in surprise. She whirled around and her mouth flopped open as she stared in confusion at the other girl.

“What… what??” Ella stammered out.

What was Gina thinking? Why was she saying stuff like that!?

Ella was VERY confused, and she didn’t like the feeling of confusion welling up inside her. It was the sort of sensation that made her feel like someone was picking on her, or talking about her behind her back. And when negative thoughts like those rose up within her, they brought something else with them, too. Something that made her tremble.

“Thwap!”

Ella snapped her rubber-band in an effort to snap herself out of the feeling of uncertainty that was plaguing her at the moment. Shaking her head, she tried to remind herself that everything she was feeling right now, it wasn’t serious, and she didn’t need Cinder’s help just to deal with her roommate! No matter how strange and awkward Gina was acting!

Nope. Ella could power through all of that!

“I… I just wanted to say thank you,” Ella called after Gina as the other girl walked over to the bed. Gina froze and turned to look at her. Confusion and bemusement stretched across her face, and she raised a curious eyebrow.

“…Thanking me for what?” She asked curiously, not sure what Ella was driving at.

Ella bit the inside of her cheek. It was hard to express her feelings properly.

“I… I don’t really know,” she admitted, her face turning red. “I guess, just, um… not… not being so, uh… overbearing? Maybe?”

Gina blinked, not sure what to say to that herself. “Uh… okay…”

An awkward silence passed between the two of them. Neither one knew how to properly continue the conversation, and as a result, it just sort of withered and died between the two of them as they shared awkward looks of uncertainty.

For a moment, Gina found herself wishing that she hadn’t said anything to Ella in the first place, and had just gone to bed like she’d planned. But she quickly dismissed those thoughts. They weren’t kind to Ella, and they weren’t kind to her, either.

No… Gina was here for a reason. It may not have been a reason she particularly liked, but it was still a reason. She was with Ella, and Ella was her roommate.

“…I’m going to take a nap,” Gina said, loudly changing the subject. “You have fun at breakfast, okay?” She suggested to the other girl.

Ella jerked, and nodded swiftly. “Y-yes,” she quickly agreed. “I… I will… do that… …Have fun… r-right… yes…”

Gina just stared at her, not quite sure what to say. She just nodded slowly back. “…Right. Yeah, you do that.”

And with that, she started getting changed out of the slapdash outfit that she’d thrown on the morning. She had no idea how her clothes had ended up at the foot of the bed, but it was better than walking naked through the hotel, at least.

Ella scurried out of the room before Gina could change her mind and try to have a conversation with her. No, thank you!

Once Ella was clear from the other girl, she found that she could finally breathe easily again. She even made it all the way into the elevator without snapping her rubber-band!

“Hopefully, there won’t be a lot of people still at breakfast,” she mumbled to herself as she descended towards the ground floor. She had intentionally waited until this point to go eat for the same reason that she always did- she didn’t want to cause a bunch of trouble for everybody.

Also- if people saw her eating, then she would feel too self-conscious, and she didn’t want THAT to happen, either! Cinder seemed unusually eager to manifest this morning, which was strange, and not something she wanted to confront right now.

When the elevator stopped, Ella headed off and made her way to the Banquet Hall. But when she turned the corner, she froze when she saw who was standing outside the door.

Nick! Ella quickly ducked back behind the corner, her heart pounding in her chest. Her face was burning but she couldn’t help herself- she had to peek back around the corner to see what he was doing, and who he was talking with!

Ella swallowed her nerves and trembled slightly. She was nervous to learn that she wasn’t seeing things- Nick really was there, and he was talking to Dani! The two of them were just hanging out in the doorway, laughing without a care in the world.

How insensitive of them! Didn’t they know that there were people who wanted to eat breakfast? People who were waiting for the opportunity to go and get food?!

Ella’s stomach rumbled as she glared in resentment at the two of them. Why is Dani even spending time with him, anyway? She thought bitterly. Isn’t she a lesbian? Shouldn’t she not want to spend any more time with a boy than she has to?!

In Ella’s mind, this all made perfect sense. What didn’t make sense was Nick’s presence! No, there was definitely something wrong there. She pushed those thoughts aside, however, and understood that the relationships on this island were very strange, and seldom made the sort of sense that she would prefer them to make.

Her burning hunger ached in her gut, and she bitterly came to terms with the fact that she couldn’t just go without eating. And since it didn’t seem like Nick and Dani would be leaving any time soon, that meant she would have to confront them directly.

Yay.

Sucking in a breath of air, Ella exhaled, and snapped her rubber-band for courage. “Thwap!”

With that, she stepped around the corner and headed to approach the other two with her head held high.

Nick and Dani were chatting. This wasn’t unusual at all, of course. But, they were certainly surprised to see Ella coming towards them.

Dani noticed her first. “Oh, hey Ella,” she greeted the other girl with a wave. “Going to go get breakfast now?”

“Yeah,” Ella said, trying not to be curt with her. “Getting hungry.”

She kept her eyes aimed straight ahead, afraid that if she looked at Nick, her emotions would overwhelm her. And she didn’t want Cinder emerging in the middle of this situation, that wouldn’t be good for anybody!

“Well, enjoy yourself,” Nick said. “Dani and I were just going to work out.”

Mentioning it was all the impetus the two of them needed to actually put their decision into action instead of loitering around in the hallway all day. Ella was relieved when she saw them head off on their own.

“Um, that’s nice,” she murmured.

“You have a good time!” Dani and Nick walked away, and finally Ella was able to breathe again. She let out an exasperated sigh, and shook her head.

Why did she have to deal with stuff like this, huh? Why couldn’t she just live a nice, normal life, without having to worry about walking on eggshells all the time?

…

She knew why.

Because of Cinder.

And also… a little bit because of herself.

But acknowledging that, having to think about it… she didn’t like doing that very much. So, she put those thoughts behind her, and pushed forward, knowing that it was better for everyone if she just kept her head down, ignored her other self, and went to go get breakfast.

When she stepped into the Banquet Hall and saw that the only other people there were Dawn, Carly, and Marley, she felt overwhelmed with relief. Dawn was even sitting at a different table from the two of them, this was perfect!

“Oh, hey, Ella,” Dawn said, looking up from her fruit cup. Her ears twitched, which Ella had come to learn signaled that she was pleasantly surprised by what she saw. “How are you doing?”

“…Hey,” Ella greeted her slowly with an awkward wave. She quickly got together a breakfast that would be big enough to satisfy her without making her look like a pig, and sat down across from the bespectacled girl.

She didn’t answer Dawn’s question about how she was doing, though. She hardly ever answered that question, from anyone.

The answer was a little too difficult to quantify for her, most of the time.

“I saw Nick in the hallway.”

Ella didn’t even realize that the words came from her own lips. Once she put them out into the air, though, she froze, and her eyes widened in surprise. Dawn looked curiously up at her and Ella sat stiff in her seat, not sure what she should say or do in response.

Her mouth flopped open and closed and she just… stared.

“…Sorry,” she squeaked out, squirming uncomfortably in front of her friend. “That was a little awkward to say, uh, wasn’t it?”

Dawn shrugged. “I mean… I don’t really think so,” she replied, shaking her head. “Did you say hi to him? What about Dani?”

“Uh… yeah…” Ella didn’t know how to continue the conversation. “I did…”

“Then there’s nothing to feel awkward about, right?” Dawn gave her a soft smile, telling Ella with her eyes that it was all going to be okay.

It eased Ella’s conscience considerably. She found herself smiling, and nodded back to her friend.