This Place is a Prison

I walked back to my parents' place slowly, not that I was avoiding them as such, but I needed the house to be empty for what I was going to do next. As I got to our neighbourhood, I saw that Rebecca's parents' house was up for sale. The place looked like it had been empty for a few weeks. I couldn't blame them for choosing to sell, being next door to the constant reminder of what she had done.

I waited until I was sure that my parents and sister had left. I had left my keys with the few remaining possessions I had at the place I shared with Nala; thankfully, my parents still left a spare key hidden under a plant pot in the garden. I stepped into the house that I had not been inside in months. It was filled with memories for me, both good and bad, which was part of the decision I had made. I knew I had been avoiding things, but that stopped today. I went up to my former bedroom and sat on the bed.

I was calm and not overcome by melancholy. I could not have done this months ago; now I was sitting here right next to where Rebecca had killed Trish and then herself. I weirdly found it darkly amusing that there was a slight bloodstain on the floor. A permanent reminder of the events. I looked out of the window over to Rebecca's house and found it quite sad that her room was now entirely empty. I stayed in there for maybe an hour, simply sitting there in some kind of contemplative meditation.

I went to the garage that my parents repurposed as my bedroom. Everything was as I had left it; my mom had clearly been inside, as everything wasn't covered in an inch of dust. I grabbed my remaining clothes in the room and stuffed them into a bag. I grabbed everything else that I thought could be useful as well. After that, I went into my father's study and looked around for envelopes and paper. I sat down at our kitchen table and started writing. How long had it been since I wrote an actual real letter and not just sent an email?

Heather.

You were right; I was being a selfish asshole and escaping my grief. Other people around me were hurting and had lost someone as well, including you. I couldn't see that at the time; I was still caught up in losing Trish. But I know if I stay here, I'll constantly feel like I'm on the event horizon of a black hole. So sadly, I'm doing one more thing that is selfish, but I don't think I can ever fully heal here if I stay. I hope you can forgive me. Look after Mom and Dad.

Kat

I know you forgave me for that night on our date, but I still want to apologise for turning you down in the way that I did. I can't help but consider how different things would have been if I had chosen differently. It would have avoided a lot more heartbreak in different ways. I love you, and you were always my friend. Thank you for that.

Carla

You were always there for me when I needed you. Providing me with support and gently trying to push me towards the people you thought I could be with. Look after everyone for me, as I think Michael and Lyndsay will be the two who don't understand my decision.

Michael.

I love you. You were always my brother, having my back, always there with some awkward comment that I didn't know I needed. I'll miss the pair of you, but I can't stay. I think if I do, I'll never fully escape the grief of what happened. Look after each other.

Lyndsay.

I need to apologise for avoiding the two of you for months. I was weak and found a way to escape. I know now that I had the support I already needed in my friends. I realise the two of you could have helped me with this burden. Support each other, look after each other. I want to see the two of you achieve great things, as I know I'm on a different journey now.

I'll spare you the letter I wrote to my parents. I explained my actions. I told them I would stay safe and hoped they could forgive me for what I was choosing to do. I put each one in an envelope and wrote the name of who it was. I took them into my sister's room and left them on her desk. I hoped that Heather would understand what I was asking her to do.

I took a quick shower and shaved off the months of unkempt facial hair after I grabbed the bag with my clothes and left. I said goodbye to my childhood home and wondered if I would see it again. I walked back downtown to find Nala. When I got inside, she was already up and eating something. She was surprised at my change in appearance.

“I'm leaving”, I told her.

“Leaving?” She asked, dumbfounded at what I was telling her.

“I can't stay here, Nala. I'll forever be reminded of what happened and never really move on. So I'm leaving, and I want you to come with me.” I explained.

“But I can't. My life is here.” She replied.

“Nala, this is an escape. I know you are hurting, and maybe at some point you saw this as a way out and at some point stopped trying to escape it.” I said, trying to be reassuring.

She started crying. I just held her and tried to comfort her as best I could.

“I'm not strong enough.” She sobbed.

“Nala, we both deserve something better than this. I want to take you with me. I have one more stop to make, but if you want to leave, meet me at the train station in two hours.” I explained.

I stayed with her until she stopped crying and then left as I said I had one last stop to make. I walked to the graveyard on the far side of town. It was fairly small, but It looked like it was well maintained. I had to ask the groundskeeper where they had buried her. It was a small plot, and they had planted this tiny sapling where they had laid Rebecca to rest.

I stood there just looking at her grave for some time before I even could bring myself to say anything.

“I forgive you. I hope wherever you are now you found some sort of peace. “ I said out loud.

I stayed for a little longer, remembering cherished childhood moments with her. Eventually, I knew it was time to leave and headed to the train station. I had never decided on a destination, just somewhere that was not here, I suppose. I sat on a bench waiting to see if Nala would join me. I found myself dozing off and was woken up by this lady sitting down next to me in a slightly ragged sundress. I smiled when I realised it was Nala sitting next to me.

“I always wanted to go to California. Sit under an orange tree with the sun on my face. See the ocean.” She told me.

“Then that's where we will go,” I replied.

In all the time I had spent with Nala, I had never touched anything I had saved in my bank account. I got up and bought two tickets for us for a one-way trip to California. We boarded our train and found our seats. Nala sat next to the window the entire time, just looking out as the landscape passed us by. She spent a lot of time in tears, but there were moments of happiness.

The next few weeks were hell for us. Both of us were going through withdrawal and doing it cold turkey, but we had each other, which was what was important. We managed to get work as farmhands at first. Nala got her dream of sitting under an orange tree.