Live to face another day.

I watched Kat’s car disappear down the street before turning towards the house. I let myself in as quietly as possible. The television was on in the living room, and I could hear Mom moving around in the kitchen. I’d hoped to sneak straight to my bedroom, but apparently that was too much to ask.

“How was your evening?” Mom appeared in the doorway, drying her hands on a tea towel.

“Good.”

She smiled. “Just good?”

“Really good.”

“Well, that’s nice. Kat seems like a lovely girl.”

“She is.”

Mom studied me for a moment. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You look as though someone’s died.”

“Just tired.”

She didn’t look convinced, but thankfully she didn’t push it.

“Your sister’s in the living room, by the way. She’s been waiting to see how your date went.”

Of course she had. “Great. Can’t wait.”

I headed down the hall, already regretting it. Heather was sprawled across the couch, scrolling through her phone. She looked up as I entered, and a grin immediately spread across her face.

“Well?”

Might as well get this over with. I dropped into the armchair opposite her. “Well. What?”

“Oh, don’t give me that. How was the date?”

“Fine.”

“Fine?” She lowered her phone. “You spent an hour getting ready. You looked like you were going to a college application. Kat turned up looking like she was going to break several school dress codes. And all you have to say is fine?”

I rubbed a hand over my face. “It was a good date, Heather.”

“Good enough for a second one?”

I huffed contemptuously.

Her grin faded. “Oh, what happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“You’re lying. Tell me.”

I looked at her. “It's complicated.”

Heather sat up, putting her phone aside. “Did you have a fight?”

“No.”

“Did she?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

I stared down at my hands. For a moment, I thought about telling her everything. About the back seat of Kat’s car, the condoms, the way Kat had looked at me when she told me she wanted her first time to be with me. And the way I’d eventually told her there was someone else. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“I just don't think we’re right for each other.”

Heather frowned. “You were right for each other about six hours ago.”

“Can you not?”

“I'm asking a question.”

“And I’m telling you I don’t want to talk about it.”

She watched me for a few seconds, then leaned back against the couch. “Fine. But if you’ve done something stupid, I reserve the right to tell you so.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.”

I got up and headed for my bedroom before she could ask anything else.

Once inside, I closed the door and sat on the edge of my bed. My phone was on the bedside table. I picked it up and stared at the screen. No messages from Kat. I wasn’t surprised. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected. An angry text, perhaps. A message telling me exactly what she thought of me. Something that would make it easier to justify what I’d done. Instead, there was nothing.

I debated with myself about reaching out to her. I even typed out that ‘I was sorry about tonight’ before deleting it. I tried to come up with the words that would somehow fix the gigantic mess that I had made. All I could manage was ‘I really do like you’ before I deleted that too.

It wouldn’t do any good now. It would just remind her of the pain I’d put her through, and that was the last thing she would need right now. I put the phone down and dragged a pillow over my face. The date had been wonderful. Kat was wonderful. And I’d managed to turn it into one of the worst evenings I could remember.

I thought about not going to school the next day.

I wasn’t ready yet to see Kat and have to look at her face. I could tell Mum I was sick. It wouldn’t even be much of a lie. I felt like absolute crap. But then what? Stay home on Thursday as well? Maybe Friday? How long could I keep avoiding her before it became even more pathetic than what I’d already done?

I needed to man up and take my medicine.

I was nervous when I walked into Northside Preparatory that morning. I felt like I’d turn each corner and run smack-bang into Kat’s face. I’d only been there two minutes tops when Rebecca came running up to me. I was caught off guard when she gave me a big hug and gently rubbed my back like she was consoling me. That couldn’t have been more different than how she’d been acting the last few days.

“Kat told me how the date went. For what it’s worth, I think what you did was very brave,” Rebecca said when she let go of the hug.

“She did?”

They’d talked. What exactly had Kat told her? About Trish? If Rebecca knew, then my sister was about to find out too.

Rebecca nodded comfortingly. “She said you were interested in someone else and it wasn’t meant to be.”

“I… I… I…” I couldn’t put thoughts into words.

“It’s ok. We can’t control our feelings for other people. You can end up falling for someone who’s been right under your nose your entire life. Now come, let’s get you packed away, and I’ll walk you to your first class.”

I didn’t even really notice as Rebecca took my nearest hand in both of hers and started leading me toward my locker. She cupped the bottom of my palm and rubbed the skin on the top. My mind was on Kat. Even after crushing her heart, Kat had looked out for me and kept my confession about Trish to herself. It was far better than I deserved.

I sleepwalked through the rest of that day. Michael and Lyndsay’s normal antics annoyed me like no other when usually they didn’t affect me. Rebecca was there at each of our period breaks to shepherd me to where I needed to be. I even saw Carla watching me like she was concerned.

As for Kat…

I saw her. It was inevitable I would. But she never saw me. It was like I was a ghost to her how completely she had voided me from her life. Rebecca’s ignoring me the last few days had been nothing compared to this. As far as Kat was concerned, I’d been rubbed out of existence. Never to be thought of again.

I was glad to get home at the end of the day. The house was empty, and I went straight to my room and collapsed out on my bed. Backpack on, feet still on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. I stayed like that for an hour. I didn’t feel like playing PlayStation. Even that distraction would have been too much of a distraction. I’d have stayed like that until I got called to dinner if I hadn’t heard a tap and my name being called at the window.

I groaned and with considerable reluctance, heaved myself onto my feet. I dropped my school bag onto the floor and went and opened the window. It was Rebecca.

“I thought you could use some company,” she said as she invited herself into my room and crawled in through the window.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

Rebecca glanced at my schoolbag lying where I’d dropped it, then at me. “Rough day?” she said, trying to cheer me up.

“You could say that.”

She sat on the edge of my bed and patted the space beside her. “Come here.”

I hesitated before sitting down. She immediately slipped an arm around my shoulders and drew me against her. It was so familiar that, for a moment, I forgot how strange the last few days had been. Rebecca had spent most of the week barely acknowledging my existence. Now she was sitting beside me, holding me as though nothing had changed.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Honestly?”

“Obviously.”

“Like crap.”

She gave a sympathetic little laugh. “I thought so.”

I rested my head against her shoulder. She smelled of the perfume she’d worn for as long as I could remember, and I found myself relaxing despite everything.

“Kat really liked you, you know,” she said.

I stiffened slightly. “Did she tell you that?”

“She didn’t have to. It was pretty obvious.”

“Right.”

“And I think she was really hurt.”

“I know.”

Rebecca rubbed my shoulder. “But you did the right thing. If you weren’t sure about her, it would have been worse to lead her on.”

I looked up at her. “You really think so?”

“Of course,” Rebecca said, staring intensely into my eyes.

It was strange hearing that from Rebecca. A few weeks ago, I’d have given anything for her to look at me this way. Now, after everything with Kat, I wasn’t sure what to do with the attention.

“I just wish I hadn’t hurt her.”

“I know.” Rebecca’s voice softened. “You always worry about everyone else.”

I gave a humourless laugh. “Doesn’t seem to have done me much good.”

She turned towards me. “Hey. Don’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“No, it isn’t.”

She reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair away from my forehead. The gesture was so unexpectedly tender. For a moment, neither of us said anything. She was close enough that I could see the tiny flecks of colour in her eyes. Then she leaned back against my pillows and tugged gently at my arm.

“Lie down. You look exhausted.”

I did as she suggested, stretching out beside her. Rebecca settled against me, her head resting on my shoulder, and I stared up at the ceiling. It was comfortable. Familiar. Easy. And for the first time all day, I stopped thinking about Kat.