Wishing hard I might, wishing hard I may, find my way to Disneyland

“Welcome to Andyland!” Andy declared with a big grin on her face. She spread her arms out wide and did a twirl that made her pigtails bounce.

Nick was utterly confused by what he was seeing. With the exception of the pigtailed girl’s eyes and hair, she looked precisely like a washed-out version of the Wendy’s mascot. Which made sense for something Gina had cooked up when she was a little kid, but putting her into this place now?

“Gina? What were you thinking, coming up with her?” Nick asked, looking at his date in confusion. He wasn’t trying to be judgmental- he was legitimately surprised that Gina had made something like this girl for what was supposed to be an exclusive date with him.

This was Dream Alley- she could do anything she wanted, after all.

“What are you talking about?” Gina turned her shiny eyes towards him. “This is Andy! She’s the best park mascot you could ever have, don’t you agree?”

Nick stared at his friend, not quite sure what to say to that. “I mean… yeah, I guess I get what you’re saying,” he finally stammered out. He still wasn’t sure he fully understood. But this was what Gina wanted, so he’d go along with it.

“I know just what you’re thinking!” Suddenly, the pinstripe-wearing redhead popped up in front of him, wearing a sly grin on her face. She poked him in the chest. “You’re wondering what I’m doing here, when it’s just supposed to be the two of you, isn’t that right?”

Nick was taken aback for a second by this girl’s foresight. Then he remembered that she’d been cooked up by Gina. “Uh… y-yeah, I guess that’s true,” he said, nodding. His eyes slid over to Gina and he saw the eager expression on his face. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have an issue with you, or anything, it’s just, uh…”

“Say no more!” Andy stood up straight and clapped her hands together. “You see, Nick, I’m this park’s mascot!” She cocked her hip to the side and jutted out her chin with a smug expression on her face. “It’s my duty to make sure that everyone at this park is having the time of their lives, and that includes you, of course!”

She snapped her fingers and pointed to Gina, then to Nick. “The both of you! So, tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen! After all…”

The excited girl did a twirl, causing the edge of skirt to flutter up around her, before swiftly planting her foot on the ground again and skidding to a stop. She puffed her chest out with pride.

“…Andyland is the land of dreams!” She proudly declared.

“Yay!” Gina applauded.

Nick glanced over at her. I see… coming to a place like this… it must be because Gina’s trying to recapture something from her childhood, isn’t it? He knew all about Gina’s strict upbringing under her parents, and how hard it must have been for her. Couple that with guilt over what happened to Dakota, and it made for a rather nasty set of circumstances.

Did the Gina he knew as a little girl ever have the opportunity to go to fun theme parks like this one? Did her parents bring her to places like this when she was little?

He remembered how much fun she’d had when all of them went to the Amusement Park together that one time. They hadn’t been in the same group that day, but every time he saw her, she seemed to be smiling.

Maybe that was why she’d come up with this idea. All of her favorite things mashed together in one place, and an eager, excitable mascot designed to appeal to her.

Could he really argue with that? Of course not. Today is about Gina, he reminded himself. She deserves to have fun today.

With that in mind, Nick was going to stop complaining. Not that he’d started. He decided to make sure that this was a fun date for Gina, where she’d get the chance to experience everything that this strange mall/theme park hybrid had to offer.

And all things considered? It wasn’t that bad of a fantasy, if he was being honest. Nick kind of respected the idea she was going for, it showed serious creativity.

The likelihood of Gina coming up with something like this in the real world, though? Slim to none. So better to take advantage of Dream Alley.

“As your host, allow me to be the first one to congratulate you two on having such a fun day at our park!” Andy applauded the both of them.

That was a little presumptuous of her, Nick thought, but it seemed fitting with the smug aura radiating from the perky redhead.

“Uh, quick thing,” he interjected, getting her attention.

“Hmm?” Andy turned to look at him and cocked her eyebrow. “Yes? What is it?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Could you not refer to yourself as the ‘host’, please?” Nick requested. He understood that it was a perfectly normal term, but, well…

He’d had enough of twisted “hosts” messing with his relationships. Especially because Andy reminded him a lot of Mary with her design, which in turn reminded him of Echo.

“…As you wish!” Andy chirped, lifting the hem of her skirt in a curtsy. “I always say, ‘The customer is always a bitch!’”

…Wait, what?

“And so, upon request of the whiny bitchboy customer, I will happily refer to myself not as ‘host’ but as ‘the esteemed proprietess’, would that suit your wishes, dear customer, sir?”

Nick slowly turned to look at Gina. She slid her eyes away and tucked her hands behind her back and started whistling.

“…Gina, why does the mascot of your theme park have such a foul personality?” Nick asked, pointing at the beaming redhead.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Gina lied through her teeth, shaking her head. “I certainly wouldn’t have imagined Andy to be rude and sadistic behind her smiling veneer, that isn’t like me at all. Andyland is a family theme park designed for all ages.”

“Absolutely correct, pig girl!” Andy chirped, bobbing her head up and down. “Here at Andyland, satisfaction is guaranteed! …My satisfaction. My dear customers can go eat shit.”

Nick felt like the difficulty level for this date was rising before his very eyes.

“Come on, Nick, it’s fine,” Gina said with a laugh. She playfully elbowed him in the side. “Yeah, Andy’s a little quirky, but come on, that’s just the way this park is. I still created this place for the sake of us having fun.”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “Don’t tell me, you’re such a sensitive boy that you can’t handle a little bit of playful ribbing?”

“Guess not,” Andy tittered, covering her chuckling mouth with her hand. “Then again, I don’t mind. I think it’s kind of sweet.”

Nick looked at her. Sweet? What the heck is she talking about? He felt a wary exhaustion set over him as he looked suspiciously at the smirking mascot.

“If he doesn’t like women willing to call him out, then he’s a perfect fit for you, Gina, isn’t he?” She asked with a smug look Gina’s way. “Since you’re such a submissive little piggy, aren’t you?”

“No!” Gina puffed up her cheeks. “Am not!”

“Weeeelll, we’ll see,” Andy sang, doing another twirl. “Either way, I’m quite pleased to see that you two are so happy together! And I plan to do my part to ensure that happiness for as long as you’re here enjoying my offerings!” Andy turned her attention to Gina. “And, as the guest of honor, might I ask what sort of date are you looking for, Miss Piggy?”

Nick looked at Gina, worried that she’d be upset by the repeated name-calling. But the girl’s words seemed to wash over her without even causing a scratch.

“I want to have the most amazing date ever!” Gina said firmly. “I want to have all sorts of fun with Nick today!”

She wrapped her arm around his and hugged him close.

“Excellent!” Andy pressed her hands together and her smile turned sweet. “That’s the sort of adorable thing I expected from you, Gina! Now then- we offer several courses that might suit your tastes. We have ‘The Hot Sand Burial’ course, ‘The Hot Stone Pounding’ course, and of course, ‘The Hot Metal Scalding’ course! Choose whichever suits your tastes!” She held up three separate menus with a proud smile on her lips.

“All of those sound awful!” Nick blurted out.

“Not at all!” Andy replied without blinking. “They’re all very popular choices. The Hot Sand Burial course is taken straight from traditional Japanese sand bathing! We bury you up to the neck in hot sand, to improve blood circulation, refresh your skin, and flush aaaaaaaaallll the toxins out of your body! It’s a very therapeutic and relaxing process and you’ll come out of it feeling healthier than you ever have before!”

Nick was surprised. Hearing her explain it that way, it actually sounded like something just realistic enough to be true.

“It’s actually a real thing,” Gina informed him. “They do it in Japan. I read about it once, and I thought it sounded really cool!”

Nick was stunned. “Well… what about the other stuff, then?” He asked, giving Andy a wary look. He still couldn’t fully trust the redhead’s smiling face.

“Of course!” Andy chirped. “The Hot Stone Pounding course is a special type of massage therapy designed to relieve muscle tension to reduce stiffness while also promoting a feeling of tranquil relaxation! Hot stones are rubbed gently onto your skin in order to release their heat through layers of skin and muscle tissue just like a regular massage. It’s somewhat forceful, but it’s definitely worth trying out.”

“…Huh.” Nick didn’t know what to say.

“Sounds cool, right?” Gina grinned.

Actually, now that she mentioned it, Nick HAD heard something like that before. Maybe he really was just being paranoid.

“Okay, but what about the last one?” He asked, still not convinced. “The ‘Hot Metal Scalding’ course or whatever you called it?”

Andy blinked, still wearing her cat-like smile. “…Oh! That one is quite simple! We take a burning metal brand and painfully sear it into your flesh so everybody who looks at you knows that you’re a submissive pig bitch!” She held up a white-hot brand without missing a beat.

“Mmm, mm, makes sense,” Gina nodded.

“That’s just torture!” Nick couldn’t believe she’d almost managed to fool him like that. “Come on, I knew it was too good to be true, and I still almost fell for it anyway!”

Andy gave him a disapproving look. “High-strung, isn’t he…?” She stroked her chin. “You realize that we’ve already wasted 1,800 words on this setup, right? If you want to get through this date with any degree of expediency, maybe you could stop being a whiny bitch?”

Nick looked at Gina. “…What exactly is she talking about?” He asked, pointing at the bizarre redhead.

Gina just shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. Anyway, Andy, I think we’ve tortured Nick enough for today, we really are just here for a normal date. I appreciate the playing around, but… my date clearly doesn’t, so…”

She wrapped her arm around him again and gave it a squeeze.

“As you wish, of course!” Andy nodded eagerly. She scraped her hands together and simped and cooed for Gina like she’d suddenly had a change of heart. “Just say the word, and I’ll do whatever you ask! That’s my job, after all!”

Right, like Nick was going to believe her NOW. He had no idea what Gina was thinking when he cooked up this “date guide” or whatever she was supposed to be, but he had a sinking feeling that their day together might go off the rails if he wasn’t careful.

…With that in mind… this was what Gina wanted to do. He could put up with a bit of strangeness from this “Andy” character if it was for her sake.

“I understand that you two are here to have a romantic date together,” Andy said, turning and beckoning for them to follow after her. “So, with that in mind, I’m not going to be too forceful today. I really just want to make sure you both have a good time!”

Sure she did.

“What’s with that face?” The redhead pouted. “All that stuff from before was just me playing around! Here at Andyland, satisfaction is guaranteed! Or else.”

“Yeah, see? It’s that last part,” Nick said to Gina. “This would be much easier to swallow if I didn’t have the fear that I was going to be stabbed if I do the wrong thing.”

“Nick, you’re on a date with a beautiful woman,” Gina pointed out. “The fear of getting stabbed is a given, isn’t it?”

She wiggled her eyebrows and then laughed at her own joke. Nick had to crack a smile, even if he wasn’t convinced. Gina just had a way of lightening his mood that he couldn’t ignore, even if she’d brought him to an amusement park run by a girl who didn’t seem to be all there mentally.

“Well, I do know that anything you come up with is definitely going to be fun,” he admitted. “But for now, I’m hungry.”

“Ice cream for breakfast it is!” Andy chirped, leading them over to the ice cream shop. It was set up with a counter facing outwards, like at a boardwalk. Nick had the distinct impression of being at a county fair, even though he’d only been to one once. Definitely amusement park vibes, though.

“Here at Andyland, we offer all sorts of delicious flavors for our customers, flavors they won’t be able to get anywhere else!” The redhead boasted proudly. “Ask for your order, and it shall be provided for you without hesitation!”

She gestured to the vacant kiosk. The counter wasn’t even manned.

“…There’s no one here, though,” Nick pointed out.

“Oh, that’s right. Almost forgot.”

Andy climbed over the counter and dusted herself off before tying an apron on and then turning around. “…Welcome to the ice cream parlor! How may I serve you today?”

Gina doubled over with laughter. “Hah! So funny.”

“We have all manner of flavors to choose from!” Andy gestured to the tubs of ice cream behind the counter. “As it’s breakfast time, might I recommend our classic ‘bacon ice cream’? Or perhaps you would prefer ‘scrambled egg’ flavor?”

“Are you serious right now?” Nick wasn’t sure anymore if this crazy girl was joking or not. “This isn’t another put-on?”

“No, no way!” Gina shook her head vigorously. “It’s such a cool idea, don’t you think? Instead of eating regular breakfast, you can have whatever you want but in ice cream flavor! And don’t worry, it all tastes really good! Hmm… I think I’ll have one scoop of hash browns, one scoop of breakfast sausage… …Oh, and give me a taste of your ham and mushroom omelet flavor, too!”

That sounded like the most unappealing thing Nick had ever heard. But Gina seemed into it, so he wasn’t going to be a buzzkill. Today was about letting her do what she wanted, after all, and if she was having fun flexing her creative muscles, he would oblige her.

“Right away!” Andy chirped. She quickly prepared an ice cream cone with three scoops of ice cream and handed it over to Gina.

Nick watched hesitantly as Gina took a lick, half-convinced that it would end up being disgusting, given, well… …Sausage and omelet ice cream. And hash browns. It sure SOUNDED disgusting.

“It’s delicious!” Gina said with a wide grin. Her face lit up and she held out the cone to Nick. “Would you like to try some?”

Well, as long as she liked it, that was good enough for him. “No, thank you, I’ll get my own,” he said, shaking his head.

Nick turned to the counter and looked over the menu again. He still wasn’t completely convinced of the options available, but…

“…Could I get two scoops of the pancake flavor?” He requested. Out of all the choices there, he figured that would probably be the one that tasted the most like ice cream.

“Of course!” Andy chirped. “Two scoops of pancake ice cream on a waffle cone! One ‘Sin Against Nature’ coming right up!”

She scooped two light brown scoops of ice cream onto the cone, and then drizzled it with maple syrup. “Here you go!”

Nick took the cone hesitantly, and gave it a lick.

His face lit up with surprise.

“Oh my gosh!” He said, unable to believe what he was tasting right now. “It… it really DOES taste like a pancake!”

“I know, didn’t I tell you?” Gina laughed. “You should get the hash browns, too, that one tastes really good.”

“…I, I think I’ll stick with this one, for now,” Nick said, giving his cone another lick. Yes, the pancake one tasted like pancakes, but he wasn’t nearly as daring as Gina was to try and eat something savory made out of ice cream.

This was good enough.

“I’m so happy you liked it!” Andy giggled. “Do please come back for lunch, we have pizza flavor, and hamburger flavor, oh, and spaghetti, of course!”

Yeah, no, Nick was probably not going to do that.

“Thank you so much, Andy,” Gina said, finishing off her ice cream. She looked gratefully at the park’s mascot. “That really got me going!”

She slapped Nick on the back just as he was finishing his own cone. “Alright, Nick, you ready to have an exciting, heart-pounding date together?”

“Yeah, whatever you say, Gina,” Nick said, giving her a small nod. As long as she was happy, then he would be happy with whatever happened.

Andy watched the two of them head deeper into the part with a smile on her face.

“So, you want something heart-pounding, eh?” She asked with a sly grin on her face. “Well, that can be arranged…”

She giggled to herself as she set out to make sure that Nick and Gina had the most exciting date of their lives here.

That was the reason Andyland existed, after all! For Gina’s sake.