Old ma

The girl offered her arm to support the old lady but she just waved it away. One foot in front of the other she slowly made her way towards the couch I was sitting on. It was a dreadful handful of seconds watching the injured old woman walk. Trembling all over as she moved and a wince would occasionally show on her face. Still, she persevered and sat herself right next to me quietly.

Old ma smelled of nice soap and cigarettes, and she wasn't that big of a woman but her presence next to me felt solid. I couldn't imagine going up and sitting next to the person who just abused me. She had balls.

I threw glances at her occasionally, the silence making me nervous but we all remained silent. The girl was leaning on the wall next to the stairway watching us without a word, why wasn't anybody saying anything?

Fuck… This is so awkward. How do I even begin a conversation like this?

Sorry I bashed your face up and assaulted you?. I would spit on my face if I was her.

I decided to ask Ortho in my mind, “You seem like you've done this a lot, what would you say?”

…

I received nothing, no feelings sent to me, just a gaping void of nothing.

I sighed and gripped my sweatpants, turning towards her. “Ummm hello your name is Old Ma, right?”

“Well… I have no idea what got into me yesterday and I uhhh” It felt like a fist in my throat. I knew exactly what got into me yesterday.

“and I wanted to apolo-,” I said before being interrupted.

She started laughing, at first I thought it was just a cough but as it continued I realised she really was. A deep raspy thing that spit forth from her mouth, it wasn't shy at all. It reminded me of my dad, laughing out loud without a care at all about what anyone else thought.

“You think my name is actually Old Ma, boy?", she turned to me with a smirk. Her face was bruised up but I could feel the teasing energy.

She didn't wait for a response and started to root around in her sleeping robes. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes, taking one out and igniting it up with a lighter, putting it between lips painted a deep red. She took a nice deep drag and I got the feeling that I should just wait and listen, and I did, sitting and just watching the grey smoke float around the room. Mom would've never allowed that inside, over her dead body.

“You see a lot of things doing what I do, some good and some bad. Mostly bad though,” she chuckled.

“Especially where I do it, these parts are where everybody throws the things they don't wanna see. People, stuff, and even feelings. The folks that society thinks ain't worth anything, the trash no one values and the shit deep in their hearts that would cause them trouble.”

She turned to me, a gap tooth smile on her face, “They all throw them in the ghetto.”

My eyes slid to the girl, she had her face down and her hands on her thighs, still wearing that sullied corduroy. My gaze moved back to Old ma looking at her weathered face as she shared her experiences.

“So imagine what typa shit you would see whoring there. Well me? I can barely sleep at night without a shot of whiskey to knock me out,”she said that last part with a chuckle.

“I’ve seen your type, rich kids who have been through some shit. You would think up in the suburbs things are cleaner or people are nicer but none of that, they are still in the ghetto”

She reached forward and poked my forehead with a long red nail, it was surprisingly well manicured. “The clothes are clean but the slums are right in there.”

“I’ve also seen another of your type, life hits them harder than others and they get demons. Calm one second and spazzing out in the other. Specially for fellas cause y'all have to keep a lot in or else people think you're pussies”

The silence once more came as she stopped talking.

This old lady…

She confused me, “I don't get what you're saying. It doesn't matter what happened to me, that's no excuse for what I did to you!, It's fucking sick!”

I gripped the couch, now digging into it. “I’m fucking sick!”

“I-i’m here to see what I can do for you.”

“Anything I can do!” And I meant it, I didn't think I could live with myself seeing what I did to Old ma.

She nodded a serious look on her face, “That's good boy”

She took another long drag

“Anything right?”

I nodded rapidly, “Anything”

She opened her arms, both forearms bandaged and one hand holding a lit cigarette. She pulled me in close and I fell into her soft embrace.

Rubbing my hair she spoke,“Forgive yourself hunny, I saw your eyes. You didn't mean nothing by it”

I shook my head. That was stupid, she was stupid. I refused to do that. If you just forgave bad people this easily then they would do it again. They would commit evil again.

“No!, I hurt you!”

“I can't do that!” I tried to extract myself but she was stronger than she looked.

“Exactly…” that raspy voice spoke.

“You already hurt me, it's done. Hurting yourself don't make sense, just more pain,” She rubbed my back in circles.

What she was saying didn't make sense, it would be selfish of me to have hurt this old lady and just forgive myself it couldn't be done. The warmth of her hug though wasn't making me think straight though, I found it hard to have thoughts of hate in these soft depths and the floodgates just broke open.

“Old maa!!!!!” I weeped in her arms, holding her tight. I wouldn't let go of this woman.

“There, there. Let it all out lad”

“You're a big baby, you should've seen yourself, hehe!”, Old ma was now reclining on the couch, her legs spread open like a king and she had a beer in her hand taking a swig every once in a while.

It was a few minutes after my outburst and she was already laughing at me. The girl was also covering her mouth with her hand so I knew she was too. Traitor.

I had separated from her and was sitting on the floor looking down in shame, ugh…

“Ohhh god…” She wiped the tears of joy from her face.

“Don't think too much about it boy, it's my job as a hooker!, take care of the customers' needs!” She slapped her thigh saying this.

“Anyway we need to talk about your fee”

“Fee?”

“Oh yes you've racked up quite the bill, sonny”

I started calculating how much I would need to pay, and how I was going to get it. My parents provided for me in most things and gave me a tiny allowance. I would have to borrow from mom, awkward. But I promised, anything.

I nodded and but my lip, “Yeah sure”

She smiled, “Normally damaging the goods like this costs double so that's about 40 times two again that's 80 and… 20 for ruining my sleeping robes”. She said this all confidently but I could tell there was some anxiety behind it. I glanced at the girl and she was shaking her head, she mouthed the words “Too much, she's crazy!”

But in my head, both of them were crazy. Just a hundred dollars?, I was expecting somewhere in the thousands. Looking at how messed up she was, that wouldn't even cover a week's medicine.

I went with it anyway, cause that's actually exactly how much money I had. 100 dollars each week was my allowance, and though theoretically I could get more from mom. The questions there would be very inconvenient.

“O-okay, I'll get it to you tomorrow”

“I just don't have my wallet with me”

She narrowed her eyes at me with suspicion. I don't blame her, there was no guarantee I would return.

The girl moved closer, “Try offering something as collateral so we know you'll come and also don't forget to tell us where Toucan is, Ma”

Old ma nodded.

I checked around in my pockets. Only my sunglasses in there, fuck. I tentatively took them out. Old ma raised her eyebrows and accepted them, squinting her eyes to look at them properly.

“This is a pretty good pair, used ones would be about…”

“50 if second hand” The girl answered.

“Those look untouched so you can bump up to 60” she continued.

Old ma nodded satisfied, she carefully handed them to the girl who accepted them.

“I’m tired, do you mind helping me?” she said not even facing the girl.

The girl knelt and held her up, taking one up around her shoulders.

“Oh and that bastard Toucan is at the college, he likes hiding out there”, the girl flinched and turned to me.

“Do you know how to get there?, I would help but it's about time to change her bandages”

“Yeah I do” I didn't, but I felt like I needed to exit for my own sanity.

The girl nodded, “Good luck master”

I smiled back at the girl and waved goodbye.