Goonette Diaries

Day 0:

You never expect to be homeless.

It's not something you plan for, but when it happens, you're left wishing you had. If only I saved up more. If only I had more time. If only my mother and father hadn't walked in on me giving my now ex-boyfriend a blowjob.

Some might think my parents reaction a little extreme, but then most people don't live in an orthodox Christian family. As far as they are concerned, I'm a no good, degenerate, heathen, whom must be cast out less my sinful ways affect the prospects of my three brothers and my harlot ways corrupt their mortal souls.

I wish I was joking.

To be fair to them, I might have gotten off easier if they hadn't also found all the used condoms in my room (and the several we left in theirs). And so here I am with a suitcase, wearing and carrying everything I own, which wasn't much to begin with. I had some clothes, a make-up kit I'd kept hidden since I was fourteen and just enough money for possibly a months rent. Oh, and did I mention college starts in a week?

My only hope now was the bright smile from my old friend, Alex Mclaran. A simple nob was all I needed before charging at him with a rib shattering hug.

"Alex, you're a life saver!"

"What are friends for?" He said with shit eating grin as I pulled him tighter into the hug. "But don't thank me yet. You might want to still shop around."

"Shop around for what dufus? I don't have a penny to my name until my loans clear." I let out a heavy sigh as I step back from my childhood friend. He looked good for someone a year out of rehab. I had been with him through some of his darkest days and here he was supporting me in my time of need.

It had happened so suddenly. I had never seen my parents so angry; catching me in a compromised position had turned the start of my dream college life into a nightmare.

"I know you're going through it Fi' but I'm not kidding. You might want to hold off 'til I give you the full deets." He led me to one of the outdoor seats out the café we had agreed to meet up at.

"You said it was off campus and the room was cheap. What else is there?" I was so desperate, that I honestly didn't care how small or run down the place was. It was a roof over my head while I got back on my feet. It was sweet that Alex was trying to look out for me but I wasn't sure he fully grasped how cut-off I was.

Running his hand through his hair was a classic tell that Alex was genuinely worried. "The flat is mostly...actually...its guys, it's all guys. You'd be the only girl, and some of them are literal shut-ins. They might freak the moment you walk in the door."

The penny dropped and my relief turned to panic, then rage. "You didn't clear it with them first! Alex you asshole! This is my only option or its sleeping on the streets!"

"Shhhhhhhh! Not so loud. We're in pubic remember. Fiona, you misunderstand. I did clear you taking the spare room with the others. They just don't know that you're a girl."

I could have punched him then and there, but my wrists were already sore from the weight of my bag. "I'm guessing my gender just got lost in the conversation did it? How bad are we talking? Neckbreads? Shower adverse gamers? Have any of them touched grass or been within breathing distance of a woman before?" My attitude sucked but by this point, so much had already not gone to plan that I was more then ready to just pack it in there and then. Maybe I could find job at this café or a corner shop?

"They're not like that. Well, maybe the needing to touch grass part, but they are a good bunch. I'm sure we can work something out."

"Alex, I've been living with three brothers all my life. You honestly thought an all male flat would make me uncomfortable? And they probably wouldn't give two monkeys about me either, so long as I keep to myself." I catch his eye and see him turn away instantly. "You're not tell me everything, are you?"

He looks around the mostly empty seating area, before lowering his voice. "Do you know what a goon house is?"

"A what?!?"

"Shhhhh! A goon house. Have you heard of one before?"

"I know what a gooner is, but what the fuck is a...oh no! Nononononono! Alex you cannot be serious. You actually live there?" I could feel the bile rise in my throat at the mere thought of it. "What the hell? Did you just give up trying to get a girlfriend?"

"Hey, don't judge. Your dance card isn't exactly full these days either."

"I'm fresh off a break-up, you idiot."

"I know, but beggars can't be choosers and I did say you'd probably want to reconsider. I'm sorry but its the best I could do on short notice."

Another deep breath and our eyes meet once more. Alex had never let me down. Himself, yes during his relapse, but any time I needed help, he'd always pull through. Though not ideal, this was no different.

"So what? Do we just walk in to find a bunch of guys jerking it in the living room?"

"No, that only happens in the privacy of your own room or the designated goon room in the basement."

"Wait, back up. You mean to say, you actually have a room where you all get together to watch porn and have a wank? What the actual fuck?"

"Hey, its kept me clean...sort of."

"What do you mean, sort of?"

"Some of the guys use poppers to get high while edging. But absolutely no hard drugs are allowed in the flat. I know it sounds bad but its saved my life Fi'. You know how bad it got. Rehab wasn't working. They just kept recycling the same tired shite."

"But joining this...goon house? That helped? Alex do you have any idea how insane that sounds?"

"Just come and see for yourself. I promise the guys won't freak out,...too much. They're all pretty chill. You're not committing to anything other than room and board. I promise. No pressure. What do you say?"