The only way you can with someone Like Kris. Head on collision with reality.

Kris Pov:

Sebastian was back, he was holding me again.

I didn't know how long it would last this time Liz had just told me he would be here for me until she was done running errands.

I used to go and help her with these but while I was more than willing still she saw how much I was shaking that first day I tried to go with her and she told me to stay.

Called Sebastian he came and held me the whole day.

I would savor his presence while it was here but I knew it wouldn't last, it never does.

He's here as a favor to Liz and as soon as he's able he leaves to go take care of this new favorite toy, Sarah.

I'm glad that ended up working out for them but it still felt like loss every time I thought of it.

And it didn't help that even with those thoughts, everything else weighing me down, and everything else that I was terrified of, my body was still wired to respond to his presence a certain way, the background radiation of arousal never went away.

With Sebastian it was more potent and harder to ignore, but I knew better than to act on it, I'd ruin whatever little peace there was that let him hold me and pretend he cared.

I just hope that Liz would be able to give me release and take the edge off when she got back.

She was great and I think I was falling in love with her, but there was a deep-seated need planted in me those first days, to be ravaged.

Liz could and would, but it's not the type of domination she enjoys the most, it's not the type of relationship she enjoys.

She likes the teasing and the slow buildup and the romance sprinkled throughout.

The submissive acts of service around the home with little sexual submissive acts following whatever whims she had.

When that finally did snowball into sex it was passionate and borderline feral, a week's worth of orgasms in one day and a definite need to take the next day off no matter what.

I WAS in love with her and I was in love with THIS but anytime Sebastian came around the NEED , the CRAVING, the DESIRE for his daily ravagings that would leave me just barely able to function and cutely flushed ready to be teased the rest of the day, it would near overwhelm me and almost get me to do something very foolish.

His phone goes off and he unwraps himself from me, checks the phone, and heads to the door with a kiss on my forehead. "Time for me to go but I'll see you soon Kris"

The same thing he would always say before leaving right before Liz showed up.

Because he knew if he stayed Liz would interrogate him on every minute he was here where as if he left all she would do is check to make sure I'm okay and that everything was fine.

There was some weird tension between them, I couldn't place, but considering how many things could be laid at my feet, I assumed it with my fault.

I was trying to push away those thoughts and the leftover craving that was always there after he left, when I heard two sets of footsteps enter the apartment.

My blood froze when I heard the voice of the second person and I was immediately torn between hiding the best I could or presenting myself like a good toy.

My body tried to do both at once in my confusion, that's how they both walked in on me falling off the bed with a squeak sound I didn't know I could make.

They both rushed to my side and asked if I was okay, but I didn't answer them I only had a question of my own.

" Are you here to break me again?" I was willing but i needed to know, I couldn't stop my shaking unless I knew.

None of the responses I prepared myself for happened.

Alice started sobbing and tried to pull me into a hug, at my recoil I couldn't stop quick enough, Liz injected herself between the two of us and pulled me into her, keeping me shielded from Alice.

" Baby I know I told you I wouldn't let anybody hurt you like that again,"

" Then why is she here, I have no value to her besides that. She doesn't have to be coy, if she needs to break me, she can, just don't fucking lie to me. "

" I would never lie to you about this "

" I know that Misstress, but would she, I don't know her anymore, she doesn't know me. I told you I would be whatever she needed me to be, including this, it doesn't mean I know her heart anymore. "

It's at this point that Alice bolts from the room sobbing, while I'm staring down the eyes of Liz, I may let Alice do whatever she wants to me but I wasn't going to let her use subterfuge against Liz.

" Liz tell me what to do and I will do it, but please don't expect me to have the capacity for whatever this is"

" Baby believe it or not she's here to apologize,"

" Why ? she has every right to hate me" as with most times confusion colors my voice so heavily it pulls a frustrated look on to Liz's face.

She never takes it out on me though, " because under that anger she still cares for you, in her own stupid way, I just had to help her pull her head out of her ass like I have with most of you brats,"

"oh" knowing I'm safe for now, let me stop shivering. However the memory is still fresh from the last time.

" Now can I call her back in and you two dumbass clueless lesbians can make up"

" As always mistress, if you think it's best, but but can you hold me until it's over?"

" Of course puppy of course, Alice get back in here, save those tears so you can cry together! I want this Hatchet buried, y'all are going to make me turn gray early!"

When Alice returns, even with Liz holding me and Alice crying, there's a deep-seated fear that takes place in my heart, I can't shake it but I push it down and ignore the best I can.

Neither of us speaks, instead just staring at the source of our current trauma, until, " So it's true you really did let me, I thought after that first moment when you let me tie you down and I ramped things up, I truly thought that I was in control and you couldn't run away and leave me."

" Yes , you deserve your closure, you deserve your answers, and I deserve to be punished. "

" Not like that! I never should have... i really... there was so many other better things to do "

" If it led to us here talking again, it was worth it it would be worth it again and again. "

Liz interrupted here. " Hey don't go volunteering to ruin all my hard work putting you back together, hell it's still working progress. "

" I know Liz and I apologize for making you work harder for my stupidity, but when this all started I told you. I would Be or Do whatever it was she needed, "

" You really do mean that, it's...its not just some bravado Macho line of BS, I really could have just told you the truth back then and you would have broken yourself wide open to Stay With Me, instead of what I feared. ".

"Alice I always meant it from the first time I said it, through everything I've been through and everything I will go through to keep it true, I will always mean it. "

" But why?! "

" Because I'm me and you are you ,"

" Don't look at me Alice you're going to have to make her explain that one, I'll help you spank her if you need to though, sometimes it helps her speak like us boring sane people ,"

Alice gives Liz a look at that snarky remark that just makes a smile tug at my lips.

"Kris what does that even mean!? "

" It means for however much everyone else in our lives wishes it wasn't true, that while I may love Liz, love Seb, even could have loved Sarah. You are the light of my life, my guiding North Star, even if I didn't want you to be, I couldn't change that. You were the first person to really know and care for me, to love me even when everybody else only saw, well you remember how I was being treated when we first met. You stuck by me through everything until I screwed things up. "

" Even after everything, even after what I did you still think you're the only one to blame, you're not. "

I wanted to argue, but even I knew that would just start a circular argument, besides if she needed to believe some of this is her fault. I wouldn't fight her, "well the coach always did say we were two different shades of the same screw up, we made quite a pair, "

There's a mirthful smile on her face now at the memory, and what I could only call a guarded hope hiding beneath it, "we still can be, if Liz is okay with that" she starts with a whisper but ends with a stronger determined voice.

" Against my better judgment yeah, but girl everything you do with what is MINE will be supervised, she may love you more than me or her own self preservation, but I love her enough to burn the world down to protect her."

The look in her eye is scary enough it actually elicits an eep from Alice. Before a" yes ma'am!"

" All right I don't know about you two but I'm spent and since I'm the one in charge we're all three going to bed, Kris I expect you to use your safe word if you can't handle this, yes the safe word is even for Sleep cuddling with Alice. ".

That got an eep out of me this time.

It took longer than I would have liked for us to get settled, but Liz was determined I would be in the middle.

Once we were asleep though, it was some of the most peaceful sleep I've ever had, for some reason that chaos and the fear from Alice and my faith and protection from Liz didn't Clash. They melded and became a weird peace, a type I had never felt before.

Something that made me understand how Liz felt, I would burn the world down to protect this.

I knew I wasn't fully healed and Alice had too many things to work through and Liz had too many things to hold me through, but for the first time I truly believed everything EVERYTHING would be all right.